Feel Out of Place in This World

[bmcnicho]

So I've tried a few different jobs and a couple of college majors, and I'm having trouble deciding what to do next.  Every time I try something I end up quitting within 6 months.  I was more idealistic when I was younger and thus more motivated, but after the past few years I'm just feeling really jaded with college and career stuff.  I don't think it's depression, because I'm still really passionate about reading books, contemplation, spending time in nature, practicing music, etc.  I'm still very new to spiritual work, so I don't think it could dark night of the soul or anything like that.  (My sympathies to anyone going through that by the way, I've heard that it can be brutal.)  I am autistic, so that could have something to do with it.  I'm very resistant to conforming to any kind of institution or structure because of that.

I mainly just feel out of place in the world, and don't feel like it's worth the effort to try anything else.  I have completed Leo's life purpose course.  Probably the best insight from that was nailing down truth as my higher consciousness virtue, not exactly sure how to go about pursuing truth though.  Leo did say that it can be difficult to get results from the course if you haven't had much life experience.  I'm only 22 now, so maybe I just need to experience more things in order to figure stuff out.  

[DrewNows]

Cool man. Keep plugging away at your different interests, maybe look toward your hobbies for potential career aspects, you’ll find your niche. 

Also try not to analyze it so much, really feel your way into an area. Just think how much experience you gain from trying out new avenues, you may end up creating multiple businesses or doing some kind of consulting for the things you really support ❤️

[mandyjw]

Sounds more like immense potential to me. Of course you feel out of place. 

[Leo Gura]

@bmcnicho Sounds like you are right where you ought to be given your age and lack of life experience. I was/am very anti-conformist like you. Nothing wrong with that. It's just a part of your personality. It might mean you should be a leader, a boss, a solo artist, or just off doing your own thing. This is great. In this case you will have to build yourself up and lead yourself a lot before others start to follow you.

Don't be afraid to carve your own path in life. Maybe consider starting a business within a field you are passionate or curious about.

A traditional cookie-cutter college major or job is probably not right for you. You need something more custom, more your own.

Autistic is also okay. Just part of your personality type. You just need to find a career/purpose which leverages that.

The best way to pursue truth is via yoga, contemplation, philosophy, self-inquiry, and/or psychedelics. So I would build experience will all the above and see how that feels for you. If you really value truth you should love all that.

Try to think about what kind of career would be most aligned with your personality and the value of truth. It's basically that simple. Don't beat around the bush. Nail your top value.

[Colin]

I'm all right i feel real light
i don't live a life that's uptight
where there's fight there's struggling
i can't walk through the world
without offering questions
what's my direction
breakin' the grip of depression
there comes a day when you let things go
there comes a time to a rock show
You know the time that you feel
that nothing else really matters
you're on the spot in the world
that you belong
that's where i am when the lights going down
i'll find a way to make some fun
i know that there is a link of energy
to someone
How do you feel?
'cause i couldn't ask for
a single thing more
how do you feel?
the moment you know
just what you are for
I'm on a quest with a vision
i've got love and tradition
i wear a mask that grins and laughs
i remember what i've done
i'm a vibe under the sun
i penetrate all dimensions
i've come again
rejuvenate within
i'm future animation
I feel the fuel rushing through my veins
it's a burning flame
you could take on the world
it's all in your brain
How do you feel?
'cause i couldn't ask for
a single thing more
how do you feel?
the moment you know
just what you are for
(bridge)
How do you feel?
'cause i couldn't ask for
a single thing more
how do you feel?
the moment you know
just what you are for
How do you feel?
'cause i couldn't ask for
a single thing more
how do you feel?
the moment you know
just what you are for

Edited April 13, 2019 by Colin

[UDT]

9 hours ago, bmcnicho said:

So I've tried a few different jobs and a couple of college majors, and I'm having trouble deciding what to do next.  Every time I try something I end up quitting within 6 months.  I was more idealistic when I was younger and thus more motivated, but after the past few years I'm just feeling really jaded with college and career stuff.  I don't think it's depression, because I'm still really passionate about reading books, contemplation, spending time in nature, practicing music, etc.  I'm still very new to spiritual work, so I don't think it could dark night of the soul or anything like that.  (My sympathies to anyone going through that by the way, I've heard that it can be brutal.)  I am autistic, so that could have something to do with it.  I'm very resistant to conforming to any kind of institution or structure because of that.

I mainly just feel out of place in the world, and don't feel like it's worth the effort to try anything else.  I have completed Leo's life purpose course.  Probably the best insight from that was nailing down truth as my higher consciousness virtue, not exactly sure how to go about pursuing truth though.  Leo did say that it can be difficult to get results from the course if you haven't had much life experience.  I'm only 22 now, so maybe I just need to experience more things in order to figure stuff out.  

Non Conformists cant conform, you see you can force yourself in one box but that will not do, your spirit will rebell, its not what youre here for.
I actually wanted to make a post out of this text (excerpt of Carl Jungs writing) about INDIVIDUATION, hits right on the nail here.

Your job in life is it to give your process of individuation space to act, energy, muse, and potential to express itself.

Jung writes:

Secret societies (or organizations, clubs, gangs, social circles, you name it) and the need for ostentatious secrecy is of vital importance in the primitive level.
for the shared secret serves as a cement, binding the tribe together. Secrets on the tribal level, constitute a helpful compensation for the lack of cohesion in the individual personality which is constantly relapsing into the original unconscious identity with other members of the group.

For even the individuals whose initiation into secrets marked them out in some way, they are obtaining the laws of group identity, where in their case the group is a socially differentiated one ( welcome to actualized.org Trap or intermediary stage loads of "Self developers/spirituals" are stuck in/ find comfort in)

The secret society is an intermediary stage in the process of individuation.

The individual is still relying on a collective to affect his differentiation for him.

That is: he has not yet recognized that it is the individuals task to differentiate himself from all the others and stand on his own feet.

All collective identities (membership in organizations; support of -isms and so on) interfere with the fulfillment of this task.  

Such collective identities are crutches for the lame, beds for the lazy,  shields for the timid, nurseries for the irresponsible. But there are equally shelter for the weak and poor, the buzzm of a family for orphans, a homeport for the shipwrecked, a land of promise for weiry pilgrims and disillusioned, a herd and a safe fold for lost sheep, and a mother providing nurishment and growth.

You see youre loooking for a collective identity, because (Im in some same spot as you regarding life circumstances) 
man seeing yourself in full potential and full responsibility is scary. It is. You need courage. Especially when youre already comfortable, you need courage o boy... 
Not getting soozed by a collective identity but realizing yourself is a high risk game, and you will probably lose everything but yourself. But once youve found yourself, you can grow your world like a tree grows his branches. 

To myself I say 2 Things 

1) Get up early, work, do the things you know you need to do (as best as I can every day, sometimes I fail, sometimes it goes well, sometimes I fall back and need to pull myself up again, sometimes I get lost and cant see the way through foggy thoughts.)
2) Faith + Patience.

Thats all you have on your side!

Peace & love 

 

BTW: 22 is not young my man, life goes by fast. Meaning What you start know will have effects when you are around 25 and so on. Time to go

Edited April 13, 2019 by UDT
22 is not young

[bmcnicho]

Thanks for the advise everyone!  I guess I've just got to be patient and gain some more life experience

@Leo Gura The life purpose course is very well made!  I plan to redo it in a year or two and hopefully I can get some great results!

[OrpheusNovum]

@bmcnicho 

If I may add, and it may not be pertinent to your situation in particular, but it's always super important to question things, especially medical diagnoses relative to what it might mean for your particular lifestyle:

I myself was diagnosed Autistic at 13, something pushed by my mother especially. What I realized eventually was that it was the result of trauma and cognitive dissonance (brain trying to move in two opposite directions at once) because my mother would tell me to behave one way, and I would mirror her behavior which was rife with victim dynamics. 

I've noticed that a lot of people diagnosed with Autism enter a freeze state in certain situations - mostly social - due to a split in cognitive processing. Tyler (or Owen, whatever he calls himself) from Real Social Dynamics had the same experience and talks about it a lot. It can be different for everyone due to a varying degree of environmental factors, so you'll have to look at it as it applies to you.

The reason I say this is because I was able to deconstruct the factors that were causing the behavior, and I think it's been sloppy work at the hands of various psychiatric institutions to put labels on the behaviors when we haven't had the metrics to understand the causes up until the last 10 years.

True Autism is caused by a synaptic overgrowth - usually at about age 2 or 3, humans undergo a pruning of synapses to reduce sensory intake. Those whose brains either don't undergo this process or have it stunted will live with the increased sensory input.

That of course being said, sensory input can seriously work to your advantage if you're truly Autistic. I mean like one in a million special. Not to mention if you self-actualize with this increased input, you'll probably encounter things others won't, and quicker.

Self-inquire about the roots of the behavior, or get a CT scan if possible. Either way, you'll find more to yourself than you bargained for.

If you ever want to reach out, I've read a lot about Autism over the last 13 years. Feel free to inbox me.

Edited April 14, 2019 by OrpheusNovum