I have a 1 hour drive home.  I'm past trying to put off killing myself. Millions have died before me and millions will die after I have gone. I'm going to die one day anyway, so why not get it over and done with.  The only thing that would stop me is if people were real on any level. I wish we all had a soul. I wish I believed in Christianity. Life would be worthwhile.  If we don't exist, I don't see the point.  You can say what you like about the whole thing, but it absolutely is nihilism. 1000%. I could be saying this about myself, but screw God. The ego is a sick joke. The world isn't all love and light. It's violent and harsh.  Why bother with the monkey suit. Why bother. Why create consciousness if it's happy with itself.  Why does every near death experience talk about people remaining themselves as they pass over? Not returning to nothingness.  It's all fucked up.  And basically, if we don't exist, it makes no difference if I slice my arm in 6 pieces tonight. So fuck it.