Does anyone exist at any level

[Paul92]

@Truth Addict Is it even possible though? Without the assistance of mushrooms etc? What could be more egoic than trying to have no ego?

[DrewNows]

8 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I could give myself some self love. I know what I like and what I love. How do I give myself to be permission to be me if there is no me?

exactly dude, who said you need permission? Do you love you (Paul)? This work is not about losing yourself, it's about realizing there's more to you than what your thoughts and beliefs (experiences) tell you. It's about learning to think for yourself by developing the awareness to see how you can overcome adversity, create a life/mindset of abundance, and ultimately share all the love you've realized 

[Truth Addict]

@Paul92

It's not the ego who decides to die.

It's death that chooses you to kill.

[Paul92]

@DrewNows  Well thanks for the post buddy, appreciate that. I do love myself. Not in a self centred way. But I like being me, sure. Just don't know who I am anymore.

@Truth Addict whaaaat

[Truth Addict]

@Paul92

Yes, death chooses when it's time for you to die.

[ajasatya]

On 12/04/2019 at 3:12 PM, Paul92 said:

Does anyone exist at any level

yes. what you see and what you feel is real.

individualities are imaginary.

[Forestluv]

3 hours ago, Paul92 said:

 Is it even possible though? Without the assistance of mushrooms etc? What could be more egoic than trying to have no ego?

Ime, that is one reason psychedelics are so powerful. Left on my own devices, there is only so much I can surrender. Yet once you swallow a strong dose of psychedelic, there *will* be full ego death - whether you like it or not. There is no turning turning back. You can do it the easy way or the hard way. . . 

I can't imagine going through a full ego death process without psychedelics. I just can't see how I could clear that last bit of ego.

[Paul92]

@Serotoninluv Doesn't this tell you that, perhaps, ego death is not a natural state?

I've been to my doctor this morning. He phoned a suicide referral helpline who are supposed to be getting in touch with me at some point today. And he's given me some more tablets (yay).

[Nahm]

@Paul92 That’s great to hear. Open up when you talk to them. Be completely honest. 

[Forestluv]

4 hours ago, Paul92 said:

@Serotoninluv Doesn't this tell you that, perhaps, ego death is not a natural state?

To me it's really nuanced and not that simple.

What's arising in me now: I get the sense that your mind is playing a recurring "ego" story filled with abstractions, ambiguities and uncertainties. Do you really know what a "me" is? Or an "ego" or "enlightenment"? I don't. Those terms are thrown around in all sorts of different contexts. If one is not in touch with their own dynamics, then everything turns into an amorphous soup. For example, if one isn't clear on their own egoic dynamics, what does "ego death" even mean? It's just some abstraction one can't put their finger on and it can cause all sorts of inner turmoil.

I'm still observing "egoic" dynamics arise within my mind. Others may call it the "psychological self", others call in "a movement of thoughts through time". For me, it's more helpful to just observe my own experience with curiosity. What thoughts arise in my mind? Where do they come from? Then observe. Observe those thoughts and the source. Within you, are thoughts linked to feelings? Are "bad" thoughts associated with "bad feelings"? Without the bad thoughts, are the bad feelings still there? What are those bad feelings trying to tell you? Could thoughts be misinterpreting those feelings? For example, I may have a bad feeling and a thought arises "I'm not good enough. Nobody likes me". Is that true? Is that really what the bad feeling is trying to communicate? Maybe the feeling is actually trying to communicate that the mind-body feels disconnected and wants to start forming human connections. . . I would spend less time swirling around in other people's theory. To me, it seems like your body is saying "Listen to me!! Please listen to me!!".

5 hours ago, Paul92 said:

@Serotoninluv

I've been to my doctor this morning. He phoned a suicide referral helpline who are supposed to be getting in touch with me at some point today. And he's given me some more tablets (yay).

Super. That may help relax the mind-body and allow a breather from all the intensity.

[Paul92]

I think this all just too much for me. I don't know which way is up. My head is completely fried.

[AnTe]

yes the world is both light and love as well as violent and harsh.  it's both but it's up to us which we choose to prioritize because awareness of it won't be enough until we align our thoughts with actions to make some kind of difference. that difference can be in ourselves by transmuting our violent and harsh tendencies to something more loving and of light. life's an experience of self exploration and growth, so everything is lessons teaching us and helping us grow. its not really about the world but the individual first then we can connect with other individuals through relation which unfortunately is easier when it comes to the abundance of darkness.