I'm feeling under pressure

[MLKFan]

I want to say that in the day I feel a bad way I want to heal I want to feel like I'm close to something real

I want the pain to stop I want to end it (my pain, not my life)

I can't kill myself because multiple reasons:

A. punishment afterwards

B. traumatize family

C. (((they))) win

D. i miss out on my integral role in humanity, my role that only I can fulfill in this world

So I have to live

What I hate most of all is when people talk like this: "Stop complaining. There's people who have it much worse than you. You go to college and are good looking and have a good family and stuff." My pain is valid too. It's not just the starving African babies. That's a toxic mentality. I live in perpetual fear of hearing these words (in the quotation) from someone.

[MLKFan]

I'm starving for love. Sure I have family but they just aren't doing it for me, for whatever reasons. I need someone who can really understand me. I need someone who will love me even through my trust issues and withdrawing from them sometimes. I need someone to live for.

[MLKFan]

The humans around me are all myopic rationalists and can't see beyond the rat race. It's my job to love them anyways. Sometimes it just gets lonely. It's like a different species. Their ignorance angers me sometimes even though it's not really their fault. I can relate to Jesus now. He embodied unconditional love and had to put up with the ignorance of those around him for their own benefit.

Please don't tell me something like "You're delusional and not as advanced as you think. Jesus? Are you kidding me? You're just a new age hippie kid." If you're going to say that then it would be better to say nothing at all.

[MLKFan]

People are intimidated by me physically, and it's getting tiring. I can feel them close off and be nervous and hostile towards me. People are automatically suspicious of me because of my size. I want to lash out at them but what's the use? They'll just have confirmation that I am indeed the punk they probably picture me to be. I hate the word punk so much.

[MLKFan]

I can't just make friends just like that. I can't just be friends with the myopic rationalists; they generally see me as deluded and naive. They don't take me seriously when I start talking about how we are inside of Maya. They see it as superstition.

But why am I actually feeling this way? It's because I lack trust. My biggest problem is my lack of trust in people. I need to learn how to trust people.

[MLKFan]

Just being in public hurts me. I can feel peoples' energies and most of the time its low and disgusting, or just sad because I can feel their confusion. We are in wage slavery world and if everyone just came together and agreed on things then we could actually make progress. but people are focused on petty things like the color of their bicycle and how good the chinese food tastes at so and so place. Who gives a shit about that when we are living inside of Maya? Why is no one talking about that? Why don't people take it seriously?

I don't actually need them to change. Something inside of me needs to change so that I can accept them the way they are. It is really about the darkness in my own heart. I need to purify myself. However this is just spiritual bypassing. My feelings are valid right now just as they are.

[MLKFan]

I have grief over my childhood. I was outcasted by the other kids at school. I want to hug my child self. I do hug him sometimes. He deserved better.

[MLKFan]

It must have hurt him to be alone all the time. I wish I could hug him. I would give him a big hug and a kiss on the forehead.

[MLKFan]

I deserve better than this.

[Colin]

Mmm num ba de
Dum bum ba be
Doo buh dum ba beh beh

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da, that's okay

It's the terror of knowing what the world is about
Watching some good friends screaming
"Let me out!"
Pray tomorrow gets me higher
Pressure on people, people on streets

Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
Okay
Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets
Ee da de da de
People on streets
Ee da de da de da de da

It's the terror of knowing what the world is about
Watching some good friends screaming
'Let me out'
Pray tomorrow gets me higher, high
Pressure on people, people on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
Why, why, why?
Love, love, love, love, love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking

Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love (people on streets) dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

[Salvijus]

Also I think you would like this

 

Edited April 11, 2019 by Salvijus

[MLKFan]

Great... a Vanilla Ice rip-off and a delusional religious leader. We are living in the age of science. How do people still fall for woo-woo Eckhart Tolle stuff?

[Colin]

.

Edited April 13, 2019 by Colin

[Salvijus]

But that video is very good. It's about you

 

[MLKFan]

need the pain to stop

[Salvijus]

 

Edited April 15, 2019 by Salvijus

[ajasatya]

On 13/04/2019 at 1:17 PM, MLKFan said:

We are living in the age of science. How do people still fall for woo-woo Eckhart Tolle stuff?

yesss! we're living the age of science!

PS: i am a scientist. scientists measure and model stuff. science cannot reach the Truth about the nature of Reality. science works under severe constraints related to the very act of measuring.

woo-woo stuff? what if i told you that woo-woo can be closer to Truth than any scientific abstraction?

Edited April 17, 2019 by ajasatya

[SgtPepper]

Have you tried seeking therapy man? If you are going to a university they will have counseling services available which should be covered by your tuition.

Be careful assuming what others are assuming. Given the stuff your posting, I sense a bit of pessimism in your language and one could easily be projecting the self-image we have of ourselves and assume people have the same image. If you find this doesn't apply, forget I said it.

You actually don't need anyone to accept you, you need to deeply accept yourself first. I invite you to try something as radical as magic mushrooms as it deeply helped me with self-acceptance, self-love, and self-trust. When you trust and love yourself and are consistently honest with others, you will see human have the capacity to be trusted, lovable, and honest, and you will do what you have done for yourself, but for others.