My "friends"

[zasa joey]

All of a sudden my friends, who i have known since i was 6 years old, they are starting to hate me, well  thats how i feel. when i am with them i always feel as less of a man, as an incomplete human being. They are so fucking negative, always criticizing and judgind me and joking to me, it really fucking hurts so much that people who i love so much, and they are the only people that i have, treat me like this. We are so close that i am really embarrased to tell them that i feel bad for how they treat me. because that will seem like im setting some kind of lines for them, distancing myself from them. yesterday my friend told me that it would be good if i would kill myself and make them feel relieved from my shitty life. It may have been a joke or maybe not, Im not sure, but i could barely sleep last  night, I was thinking about that words. what the fuck? Is something actually wrong with me. I dont actually get it. its just so unfair that my "brothers" treat me like shit! I just cant stop relationship with them, im afraid of conflict with them as i will stay completely alone after it. and i wont make new friends. i just cant! 

[vizual]

Possibly your inability to make friends is related to the way your friends treat you. It's never OK for people to degrade and belittle you. But people unconsciously always look down on people who are needy and insecure.

 

[zasa joey]

@vizual Insecure very much! but im definetly not needy, you see they are the ones who always call me, everyday we spend together. its not like that i am needy and trying to keep them. its really fucekd up and strange. and they have tons of insecurities, but i dont make them feel like shit for it! It would be totally wrong from me as a friend to remind them about it all the time, thats how i feel, but they constantly do the opposite and i feel like i am the only one who has to compromise! 

[Man in the Mirror]

the way your "friends" treat you sounds like a symptom of their own low self esteem, they feel the need to put you down to make them feel better about themselves. 

how do you usually respond in the moment when they say these things to you?

Edited April 20, 2016 by Man in the Mirror

[zasa joey]

@Man in the Mirror I respond normally: "fuck you" "fuck off" something like that or i just laugh it off! even if it hurts, i just dont make them feel it!

Edited April 20, 2016 by zasa joey

[reez]

@zasa joey It may be something due to their own self-esteem or they can just be messing with you. Me and my friends had a thing to just call each other pussy without any reason, and none of us felt bad for it. However if you are taking their words negatively - even if they don't mean it like that. You should probably say how you feel and ask them to stop, that's it nothing more.

[Joyboy]

@zasa joeyHey man, tell me what your 'brothers' do when you're in trouble? Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from people, alone is so awesome and it doesn't mean lonely  

You will never lose friends for who you truly are, you only learn who the real ones. And you won't call the real ones friend in double quotation.

Edited April 21, 2016 by 7oo13ad

[Saarah]

@zasa joey Sometimes the people we think cared about us the most, reveal themselves to be the people who care the least

You have to look at it this way, is temporary loneliness worse, is your own company that bad, compared to receiving constant negativity that pushes you down?

You're on this forum because you care about growth and improving your life, now is your chance to prove that you can take the emotionally challenging option in pursuit of a better life for yourself

I understand it's difficult to leave people due to the conflict and loneliness, just start gradually leaning back from them, it's not the most honest way to go about it, but it's something, soon they may lose interest in your company and won't even ask about you, you can also make new friends meanwhile, so leaving them becomes easier for you

Do you want to look back when you're older and regret how you allowed it to carry on instead of being courageous?

It's like when I got teased by kids at school sometimes, I look back and wish i'd stood up for myself

[Nic]

@zasa joey Hey zasa, talking about negative, look at your avatar... ain't that just poison for the eyes and the brain? Why not taking a baby who gets eaten by dogs directly, or images of a slaughterhouse ? I've been into metal and I have friends they still do, I haven't nothing against it, but I doubt that will bring you self actualisation and happiness so this is a reason why I don't listen to Hip hop and Metal, or very seldom, and not too agressive type of music, they can effect your mood and mentality, your ability of positive thinking, I use to like any kind of trash music and art. Now I just watch it with care and respect. I've visited HR Giger (creator of Alien) museum http://art.vniz.net/en/giger/Giger-Erotomechanics_VII.html , I tell you, even though it's great, after 2-3 hours of this, I felt like I wanted to vomit.

When you realize the effect that colors and lights have on your mood, than watching and liking pictures like this can for sure be poison for your brain. 

Your message touched me, can I ask you how old you are? 

In my opinion, friends who tell another friend to kill himself are not friends. So your friends are no more your friends, there not your enemy, everyone could be considered your friend or your enemy. They are what they are, no need to put any judgment on them.

Friends are changing with time, you don't need friends to be happy! Friends are external factors, happiness is coming from the inside, not the outside.

Why are you afraid of loneliness? Why do I love it? The difference between you and me is the view on things, the ability to change perspective. Loneliness is fucking excellent man! Learn the guitar or any instrument, you could spend the lower self time to self actualize yourself instead and learn things that you could not imagine yourself doing a few months ago, meditate! Don't be afraid of learning hard stuff, do them step by step. Today, you can learn anything with internet, they are no more excuses for not knowing something. You are in a victimhood dynamic, you can change that. There is enough information here to know what to do to get you out of that dynamic. The information alone will not help you, you have to work!

If you can't tell you friends how you feel, I would take them one by one and see if you can have a serious conversation with the one or two that could listen best and have influence on the group dynamic, without having expectations. Actually it might even be better to have negative expectations, about the outcome of the discussions. If they don't want you around, they don't want you around, there is nothing wrong with you or them, it is just the way it is.

For insults, see your responsibility in the emotions you feel, you are the one creating the negative emotions about their insults. That is the truth! These are just words... The lie is believing in the voice that you hear in you head, not the voice you hear in you ears. This is by the way also the reason you are insecure. You have to do the work, self help book reading and videos watching is not enough. There is some brainwashing to do to give you self confidence, this is mental and written work! Again, none of the advice one can give you will help just by understanding their words. 

Of course you don't want to be expose to insults all the time, like I would not want to be expose to your avatar all the time as they will, could, get you unconsciously with time even though you are doing it the right work.

"You just can't make new friends"... WTF???? Learn how to make new friends! You can't now, if you tell yourself now that you can't. You can tomorrow if you tell yourself you can. It's like someone saying he can't stop smoking, or banging his head on the wall, no more no less.

Oh man, I'm going to spend this day on my own, and this is total luxury for me!!!! OH YEAH!

I hope it helps!

Take care! 

 

Edited April 21, 2016 by Nic

[Ross]

@zasa joey Dude have you ever watched the video from Leo 'How to deal with Difficult and Toxic People'? These people you are describing are TOXIC. You need to cut them out of your life, like cutting of a tumor.

[zasa joey]

@Nickfury7 thank you@7oo13ad well when im in trouble or they are in trouble they are always with me and so am i. @Nic thank you, im 18!

[zasa joey]

1 hour ago, Ross said:

@zasa joey Dude have you ever watched the video from Leo 'How to deal with Difficult and Toxic People'? These people you are describing are TOXIC. You need to cut them out of your life, like cutting of a tumor.

yes i have watched and yes i know that they are toxic, but i care for them and i love them, so i just cant cut them out, we have been through so much! I guess i should just make sacrifices for them, and make it eat me from inside, but pretend that nothing bothers me!

[Joyboy]

56 minutes ago, zasa joey said:

@7oo13ad well when im in trouble or they are in trouble they are always with me and so am i.

Well, they're with you when you in trouble, but what I want to ask was they're with you to help you out of trouble or watch/enjoy you miserable. If they did help, support you so I assume you have real friends, sometimes what they said may hurt you but the action say it all, I have friends like that too. 

So you want to change the way they treat you, you have to earn their respect. How? You have the WHY then you will know HOW, it comes naturally.

[Saarah]

1 hour ago, zasa joey said:

yes i have watched and yes i know that they are toxic, but i care for them and i love them, so i just cant cut them out, we have been through so much! I guess i should just make sacrifices for them, and make it eat me from inside, but pretend that nothing bothers me!

You can care about and love people, but on the hero's journey you have to learn to move on even if it is so

I care about my family, I can't imagine having to leave my mum behind and who would support her, and i'd miss my cousins and grandparents too, but I know they're not going to accept my atheism so I've had to make the decision to leave them even though i'd miss them a lot

No one is forever anyway

Being inauthentic by making sacrifices while not showing your true feelings is going to prevent you from growing in your life, this kind of attitude can translate into other areas of your life too which over the long term will have you making a series of other decisions in which you'll also allow yourself to be eaten up from inside!

And to that end, will come your end...

 

[Subwoofer]

@Nic Awesome input! 

"Friends" that treat one like that are not actually friends. So there is nothing @zasa joey can lose. He already doesn't have it, unless the interpretation is wrong. So confronting the group or better just one person of most trust, is probably the best way to clarify the situation.

@zasa joey any progress so far? All the best to you!

[zasa joey]

@Subwoofer Thanks, everything is just flowing.  That post was an emotional overreaction from me that was bottled up!