Having a hard time

[Moonturnsthetides]

 Hello world,

Today is a bad day. I’ve let myself go “there”. I’ve had a few experiences where I grasp enlightenment and feel great, but then I come back to my old ways. I feel so depressed and lonely. I ask myself what is the point of functioning into a society I can’t stand? A society where the majority are self deluded? I have never felt so alone in my life. I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. I see no point in my life. I’m just some random girl that means nothing and will be forgotten in the physical world. I have no social status, title or fame in which it seems like people value. So why stay? 

[OrpheusNovum]

38 minutes ago, Moonturnsthetides said:

 Hello world,

Today is a bad day. I’ve let myself go “there”. I’ve had a few experiences where I grasp enlightenment and feel great, but then I come back to my old ways. I feel so depressed and lonely. I ask myself what is the point of functioning into a society I can’t stand? A society where the majority are self deluded? I have never felt so alone in my life. I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. I see no point in my life. I’m just some random girl that means nothing and will be forgotten in the physical world. I have no social status, title or fame in which it seems like people value. So why stay? 

As low as you feel, it's clear you're asking the right questions. I won't lie and say I'm at the right place myself - I still have conditional trauma and a degree of impulsivity in my behavior. Status, title and fame are subjective markers of worth we use to magnetize others to our position. What we don't realize in the acquisition of these things is that we begin a cycle of codependency. Gain status, meet people, feel good, want more, lather, rinse repeat. Eventually and continuously we reach a fork in the road where we either choose to escalate our behavior to acquire more in this cycle, or face the fact that no such metric truly exists when measured by its merits. Your pain and disillusionment are the first steps on the path to peace.

“A man who has been through bitter experiences and travelled far enjoys even his sufferings after a time”

-Homer

[ajasatya]

56 minutes ago, Moonturnsthetides said:

I feel so depressed and lonely...

... A society where the majority are self deluded?

then heal your delusion and get out of the mud.

how come you allow yourself to be so proud when you can't even stand up on your own feet yet? have you lost the beginner's mind? who are you?

Edited April 7, 2019 by ajasatya

[zambize]

I think loneliness is really common to get on the path, hopefully it will pass for you soon,  I wouldn't be surprised

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Moonturnsthetides said:

I feel so depressed and lonely. 

Notice that your body has sensations of discomfort. It is trying to communicate something.

Now let’s look at the thought story that arises from these body sensations.

2 hours ago, Moonturnsthetides said:

 I ask myself what is the point of functioning into a society I can’t stand? A society where the majority are self deluded? I have never felt so alone in my life. I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. I see no point in my life. I’m just some random girl that means nothing and will be forgotten in the physical world. I have no social status, title or fame in which it seems like people value. 

Is that what your body is trying to communicate to you? Or is that a story the mind created?

Also notice how this terrible story will intensify the depression and lonliness. This in turn will intensify the the thought story to make it even worse, which makes the body feel even worse. There is a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break. 

Perhaps consider allowing the body to simply express the sensations without the added story. Observe the sensations and allow the body to release and express itself. Allowing the thought story to dissolve can allow deeper insights to arise. The thought story is like an annoying cowbell, it’s a distraction and getting in the way of progress.

[mandyjw]

Nice work. You denied yourself. it's so hard to do isn't? It hurts so much.

Now you need to find yourself. Find that beautiful soul that you are. What do you love? What lights up your soul and sets you on fire? Go do something for yourself. Look at some art you love, eat some chocolate, take a bubble bath. Look at some funny cat meme and laugh. Soak it up. That feeling you get when you do this right?

THAT is who you are.  I love you. 

[Truth Addict]

@Moonturnsthetides

Hey, lighten up a little bit, you're a light!

First of all, I feel you, and I've been there.

Luckily, I'm now so over that phase, and I'll share my experience with you:

• Don't worry, and don't fret. It's just a phase, and it'll pass.
• Believe in yourself, and trust the universe that got you here, the best is yet to come.
• Drop all these nihilistic ideas, and cut off the sources that supply you with them.
• You must realise by now that nihilism is not true, it's mere ideas, watch them pass through the mind and let them go. Thinking is so overrated.
• Consider the video game analogy, you don't give up the game on a hard stage. The harder it gets, the better the outcome.
• Spend more time in nature, and appreciate the beauty of life.
• Look for beauty everywhere, find whatever makes you happy.
• Take deep breaths more frequently, they help calming down the mind.
• Treat yourself gently, you deserve the best.
• Allow yourself to make mistakes, it's okay, you're already perfect, you can do no wrong.
• Be present while you are eating, food is so underrated.
• Wait for sunrises and sunsets, enjoy their beauty, and know that they're made for you and only you.
• Talk with the people you love, and if you're in shortage, we're all loving here. Exhibit A: @mandyjw
• Whatever you feel like doing, do it. Don't resist anything, just watch yourself passively, lovingly.
• Share your feelings and experiences with us, we're very supportive, we're like family.

I hope that'll give you some hope, and help you get over depression.

Feel free to PM me in case you feel the need to talk.

The best is yet to come, remember that 

[Nahm]

17 hours ago, Moonturnsthetides said:

feel great, but then I come back to my old ways. I feel so depressed and lonely

You’re actually doing great. Just feel it, embrace it all. I know that sounds backwards, but can you see that the labels of notoriety you mentioned are all ultimately hollow? I think you can see that. You want an extraordinary life? - do what no one does - embrace the entirety of your experience, all of you. Don’t shun or avoid any thoughts or sensations. Experience all of it.  Observe those ‘old ways coming back’. What’s happening there, what starts it, what are the triggers, is there a sense of urgency to avoid it, to change it, etc. Write down what you’re finding, how you’re feeling, etc. Cry, cry, cry. Love can wash it all out. You just have to let go and allow it.

Life is giving you enlightenment on a silver platter here. I know, like, how dare I say that. But I can absolutely guarantee you that if you just experience what is, whatever that is, you will enlighten, and you will shed tears everyday for the rest of your life as you wonder how you ever missed such beauty, uniqueness, goodness, and love. (I’m talking about you). I see it. Plain as day, from a pic and a few words. You will see it too. Life is giving you the perfect opportunity. It can not be any other way, the human condition is the most reliable situation possible. This is a great opportunity to truly discover and know yourself. Be brave, be patient. The wrapping may appear unfamiliar, but the present you have always known. Hang in there. Truly, we are all there with you. 

 

“Only in solitude do we find ourselves; and in finding ourselves, we find in ourselves all our brothers in solitude.” – Miguel de Unamuno

 

“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self. It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible. And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.” – Hermann Hesse

 

“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is…an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness…you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful YOU.” – Mandy Hale

 

“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” – Brendan Behan

 

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” – Henry Rollins

 

“Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living.” – Albert Einstein

 

“It is better to be lonely than allow people who are not going anywhere keep you from your destiny.” – Joel Osteen

 

“If you are alone, you belong entirely to yourself. If you are accompanied by even one companion, you belong only half to yourself or even less in proportion to the thoughtlessness of his conduct, and if you have more than one companion, you will fall more deeply into the same plight.”                     – Leonardo da Vinci

 

... ALL of us are there with you. We’re all in this together.