Always looking for something else

[Cosmo]

[I've looked through a few pages in the relationship section and I couldn't find a similar topic, so I will start my own. I apologize in advance to people struggling to find their first relationship as this might come off as bragging. But I'm genuinely curious if other people have this problem or if there is something wrong with me.]

I go through phases. To begin with I'm very comfortable with being on my own - that might come with the territory of being an only child. After a while though I become lonely and start looking for a relationship. The search can get a little desperate if it goes on for a while.....

I actually find first dates to be pretty enjoyable (most of the time). However once I start seeing the same girl more regularly there is a gnawing feeling at the back of my head that it's time to move on. And it intensifies. It's not that I'm unhappy or that there is a promise of a better girl or a better relationship. At the same time I've never went into a relationship thinking it will ever turn into something serious. 

I would never cheat on a partner, but I've found that while in longer term relationships, I almost look forward to when they will be over. That doesn't mean I'm unhappy while I'm with a partner, but if they were to break up with me the next day, I would be fine with it. Or so I tell myself anyway.

I guess some of it might be a fear of settling down? I don't know. I'm a very curious type, and my attention span is indicative of my generation. I like trying new things and I get bored easily... But it's not like I date boring people. 

Does anyone have any thoughts on this first world problem?

Edited April 6, 2019 by Cosmo

[NoSelfSelf]

Do you go out with people you are truly excited to spent time with them?

[Cosmo]

@NoSelfSelf I enjoy my time while I'm with them. It's usually when we're apart that I start wondering about being single again or being in another relationship. But again, I would never cheat on anyone. My brain wouldn't let me forget it

If you want to get really deep there are few people that I would say I am "truly excited" to spend time with. 

Edited April 6, 2019 by Cosmo

[NoSelfSelf]

@Cosmo So thats the problem(one of),you havent found a girl you really want to be with so it seems that its not worth it...imagine your favourite tv show you want to watch next episode you want  to know all about it..its the same

[Cosmo]

@NoSelfSelf I spent most of High School and College looking out for that perfect girl and being miserable for it.

But I wonder if, now that I'm dating and I'm still unhappy, that perfect girl simply doesn't exist. 

I wouldn't want to hurt someone by staying with them while thinking about moving on. But if I'm not happy with anyone, doesn't that suggest the issue is with me? Or should I continue looking...

[NoSelfSelf]

@Cosmo Well you will still be miserable if you are miserable alone ,girl is to share happiness with not wanting her to give you happiness...

[tsuki]

@Cosmo Don't try to force yourself to settle down. You are still seeking and it is okay.

Even if you do settle down, don't expect your marriage to be happy. Expectations are a mistake.
Think more in lines of a pressure cooker. Two ingredients meet and interact, bringing about transformation.
Sometimes, you get a stew, and sometimes it explodes and you have to scrape it off walls.
Unless you're willing to do both - you will always look for somebody else, a perfect ingredient.
The only perfection there is, is the unknown outcome - always surprising you when you think you've got it.

Being bored with a partner is absolutely normal.
If you feel that way, just behave as if you're alone and see how she reacts. I bet it'll be exciting .

[Cosmo]

@tsuki Thanks for that visual. My relationship is a stew... And I hate stew! (kidding).

@NoSelfSelf Don't worry I don't expect people to give me happiness, but I can see how I could fall into that trap. Thanks!