Terrified to date again!

[Moonturnsthetides]

Hello,

I got out of my first relationship with my ex gf almost 2 years ago. We were together 11 years. I just turned 30 and A lesbian. Problem is, I was so emotionally invested in that relationship that I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. I still feel so connected and I don’t know why? I don’t speak to her, I no longer have contact with her daughter and I try to stop dwelling on the past. I don’t feel like I have anything left to give, and why would I want to start over with someone when it can be thrown away so easily? Especially these days. People don’t like to work in relationships. Will this feeling pass or have I just woken up to the pain in life now that I’m not so naive?

[Karla]

Yes it will pass and you'll continue to grow more into knowing yourself as an individual not just part of a couple. You've learned a lot about yourself and about what you want/ don't want in a relationship. Forgive yourself if you need to for anything. Give yourself time without rushing and do some things you may have given up while you were with her.

I'm not an expert but I could've used this a couple years ago. 

[YaNanNallari]

You don't have to forget a past relationship immediately. People often like to say things about being very independent after a relationship, but it's still fine to feel things. For you to go towards something new, you would have to feel better about something else new, yes?

A new relationship too. You would have to have a relationship that would feel overall better for you compared to being alone to want one yes?

[Cosmo]

The last 11 years of your life were build around that person, so of course that person not being there will feel like everything was suddenly and explosively uprooted.

I would suggest that you give yourself some time to readjust. You haven't been single in 11 years! Put up your feet, do the things you wanted to that she didn't want to do with you. 

You say that things can be thrown away so easily but that would be to devalue the (hopefully) good 11 years you spent together. So many couples these days don't last a few months.

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@Moonturnsthetides wow 11 years? I’ve been single after my break up with my ex girlfriend and we been dating for 2 years. Weird but I still think about her often. But, I believe time will heal but you have to do new things that make keep you in flow and happy in your life.