What Am I Experiencing, Is This a Panic Attack?

[kindayellow]

Okay so last week, in work, I attended some little event we were hosting for one of our trustees of the organization, it was a free buffet lunch. To cut to the chase, I'm young, and the director of our site came up to me, and she was asking about what I wanted to do in the future and she was asking about my answers to certain questions in interviews, and tips etc. I appreciated the conversation, but I felt under a lot of pressure, and I found the whole atmosphere fairly awkward. So after this conversation, I left to get some food from across the road, and I just felt like kinda butterflies in my chest, and I was listening to music, I felt very pessimistic and frustrated at my reaction to the situation, I knew it was irrational I was feeling so trapped. I then started breathing a little faster and just kind of wanted to cry.

 

It's the first "episode" of this ive had in a while and it's not as bad as in the past, in the past I've had very rapid breathing, very intense crying and like everything was moving very quickly. I don't understand what these things are, I'm happy to provide more insight if the lines are blurred between a panic Attack and anxiety attack, it may be something else I just don't know.

[kindayellow]

@John Lula adrenaline does seem like a fitting word though, all very intense 

[kindayellow]

@John Lula no I never experienced depersonalization, I felt a little crazy, like I just knew I was acting irrationally. And no I don't consciously avoid situations in fear from having them, and I wouldnt say I actually fear them, at least that's how I feel right now and don't recall ever being scared of them. 

 

It lasted maybe 5 minutes, with a maybe 15 minute period after where I was just upset. Just kinda cried in the toilets.

[Nahm]

@kindayellow

There’s no need to label it. It’s not helpful, as it ‘keeps you in the thinking’ so to speak. It’s like labeling you. You can not be labelled. Aw hell no. 

Without the labels, what happening, what’s literally going on?

 

Someone asks you about your future, about what you want to do with your life...and that triggers some self doubt thinking patterns you have’t been very mindful of. No biggie. Just need to understand your sensations. 

... sensations that do not feel good arise. 

It seems like the sensations are a “bad thing”, because they don’t feel good, I know. Definitely been there. ?

But, the sensations are not a bad thing. The sensations are a response of Truth from the deepest, deepest source of you. 

Self depreciating thoughts are merely that - thoughts.

Your emotions on the other hand, that’s an entirely deeper connection to all that is. Truth. 

So when you think in a manor against your self, when you doubt yourself - your source....the actual ineffable Truth simply can not condone those thoughts, can’t ‘go there with you’ - because those thoughts about you are not true.

So dream big. Then dream bigger. Dream so big you’d need several lifetimes and iron balls. When you feel that doubt, recognize it for what it is - old news. It’ll repeat for a little while, but stay present, don’t internally run from those sensations. Stay present, learn about them, take notes on what happened, what triggered, what thought story arose. Also, notice the twoness of such thought stories. Notice the tendency to, instead of listening acutely to the emotions, the message the sensations are, notice the tendency to avoid it, to do anything to stop it, to distract - and don’t.

Thinking is never at a loss to create a story in which there are two of you “I (whatever words) myself”, or in which another person is involved and blamed / resented. Don’t believe the thought stories of twoness. That’s what the world by and large is doing. Believing the defensive mechanisms, the “protect me at all costs” thought stories of twoness, aka “othering”. You can be brave af though. You be the One.

 

 

And it’s so not your fault at all. A lot of people were taught God is separate and to be feared, and a lot of people believed that message.  Life is experienced very diferently from such a place of fear. From a perspective of fear, lack, shortage, etc - we get hyper-survival me-mode, greed, sneakery, deception, etc.       World went off the rails a bit. Help it back. Start with you. Be the change. 

You need love, you need some understanding...you ask for help - and you get offered a monthly subscription to pills as effective as placebos, from someone running from their own emotions. 

You need a culture of support and authenticity, and you get fraudulent snapshots of cover story happiness; facebook, twiiter, instagram. The world is hiding, from itself. Hiding behind this twoness.   

What a joke. 

Though, you’d have to admit....it’s one a hell of a plot for one hell of an amazing life. A little bravery with our sensations can bring about miracles. 

 

 

[Kaity]

Not 100% sure what anxiety attacks feel like, but for someone who's been through a shit load of panic attacks, your symptoms don't really sound relatable. Only partially, and its mildness makes me assume it was more of an anxiety attack. Or I would say your body's natural response to actual stress. Panic attacks usually happen out of the blue