Afraid to do psychedelics again

[Chumbimba]

Hello,

 

I am new to the forum and this is my first post.

 

Background: I have been doing personal development for about a year and a half. I have been on nofap since November of 2017 and I also have cut out a lot of things that were dragging my life down (Cut out all forms of social media, negative friends, junk foods, etc.) and these have given me some amazing results. I am currently in University studying Psychology, reading various books on Leos book list, doing introspection every day and learning about the concept of enlightenment. The reason I want to do Psychedelics again is to get insights about my bad habits. Social anxiety, problems socializing with women, procrastination, perfectionism and not finishing things that I start often (inconsistent meditation habit, gym routine, work ethic, etc.).

 

Experiences with Psychedelics: I have done LSD three times. The first two trips were amazing and life-changing. My last trip was horrific and gave me PTSD for a while due to being around the wrong people and taking too high of a dose. Pretty much doing everything Leo said not to do in his video on psychedelics. I have also done MDMA. I don’t know if it was real MDMA but I had the most profound experience my first time and it really opened my eyes to unconditional love and I experienced ego-death. It also helped me with the PTSD from my bad LSD trip. Pretty much got rid of it.

 

Summary: I want to get back into psychedelics and try mushrooms for the first time. A small 1.5- 2g dose but I have fears. First, my grandfather was a paranoid schizophrenic, and I heard that if your family has a history of mental illness to stay far away. My biggest fear is breaking my brain and becoming schizophrenic, the fear of insanity. I also fear a bad trip like my last LSD trip.

 

I have written my intentions down in a journal if I am able to trip but I just needed some advice if tripping again would be a good idea due to my families mental health history and my past bad trip. Can anyone give me guidance or advice? Thank you.

[Leo Gura]

Facing your fears is one of the keys to life.

1-2g of mushrooms in a good setting should be a wonderful thing.

Bad trips come and go. Not such a big deal. You're not going to break your brain with 1-2g of mushrooms. The worst that can happen is you will freak out a bit. But even that is not a big issue on 1-2g. The real mindfuckery begins around 4g.

1g is a very safe starter dose. 2g is pretty awesome but still within the realm of reality. And at 4g reality starts to collapse in really twisted ways.

I remember in my worst trip, at 4g, I realized I was all the dinosaurs who ever lived. That was freaky.

[Enlightenment]

1 hour ago, Chumbimba said:

I have also done MDMA. I don’t know if it was real MDMA but I had the most profound experience my first time and it really opened my eyes to unconditional love and I experienced ego-death.

Not to say MDMA isn't an amazing experience, but 99,9% it was not ego death. MDMA for me is rather like a supercharger to empathy, trust and well being. 

Don't take psychedelics with people you don't trust. Generally, I would recommend taking them alone and slowly ramping up the dose.

Edited April 5, 2019 by Enlightenment

[tedens]

@Chumbimba First you should raise the level of your general awareness through further ordinary practices which will allow you to understand it properly and prepare you for dealing with evil during trips

[Forestluv]

@Chumbimba The three most important variables with psychedelics are dosage, mindset and setting. It sounds like you've had several positive experiences with psychedelics and they may be a helpful tool for you. As well, it sounds like psychedelics are "calling" you to explore more. 

I would also consider your concerns. In particular, your one bad trip was off on two of the three variables. You say that the dose was too high and it was a poor setting. Being around people is hard enough, being around people with negative energy is even harder. If you correct for those two variables (reduce the dose and trip is a comfortable, supportive setting) the likelyhood of having an insightful trip increases greatly. As well, I would try to reduce the anxiety associated with the bad trip. I would go into it as relaxed as possible, knowing that a low dose trip in a comfortable environment is very likely to go well - similar to your other trips.

Regarding a family member with schizophrenia and psychedelics. There may be a risk factor for individuals with a family member that has of schizophrenia - yet we just don't understand it well. Having a grandfather with schizophrenia raises the risk by about 5% over the general population - that is a relatively low risk factor - because there are many genes involved and environmental inputs. As well, the brain changes start to occur in early adolescence around 15 and behavioral changes generally occur late teens/early 20s. If you had a somewhat normal upbringing (without significant abuse, trauma, chronic drug use) and haven't experience significant perception and behavioral changes (hallucinations, difficulty speaking, thought disorders, bizarre behavior) you are likely at a low risk - about the same as the general population.

I also have a family member with schizophrenia (my uncle) and I was mildly concerned with the risk of psychedelics. For me, I would just be more cautious about dose / setting to avoid a traumatic trip. I would do it alone or with a trusted friend in a very familiar, safe, peaceful environment - like my house or out in nature. I would just be extra cautious to avoid a lot of people stimulation (crowds, concerts, noisy cafes etc) and negativity (negative friends, harsh music/movies with violence etc.)

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Chumbimba Welcome to the forum!  Thanks for sharing your process and asking for advice. 

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Facing your fears is one of the keys to life.

This is really important. Why are you scared of doing it again? Yes you said going insane / having a bad trip. But even before going into a trip again, contemplate this deeply. What lies behind these fears? What are you ultimately fearing? 

@tedens Exactly. The more you raise your everyday consciousness level, the more brave you will be to face whatever arises during even the worst possible trip scenarios. Awareness alone is curative as Leo put it. Your "spiritual instinct" regarding how to deal with the phenomena arising will become sharper and sharper.

I made the two mistakes you made - one bad trip was due to a too high dosage (6g of shrooms) and a wrong motivation behind it.
The second bad trip was due to a toxic environment, even though the dose was not that high. Play it safe when it comes to these factors. Preferably alone, work your way up. Start low, go higher. Not much that can go wrong.

Of course, this is a sensible topic and I have no idea about the psychological things that CAN happen. The only thing I know is I've been in hell a few times. I always came out stronger, wiser and more humble  

[diamondpenguin]

@Leo Gura Woah! what did the dinosaurs look like? Did they look like what scientists say they looked like? Or were they Neon? That sounds pretty awesome!

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

@Leo Gura Woah! what did the dinosaurs look like? Did they look like what scientists say they looked like? Or were they Neon? That sounds pretty awesome!

They didn't look like anything. It was a purely formless understanding. It's just one of the many consequences of nonduality. If you are conscious that everything is nondual, then you realize that you were the dinosuars. Seeing the dinosuars is not necessary to realize this.

[pluto]

17 hours ago, Enlightenment said:

Not to say MDMA isn't an amazing experience, but 99,9% it was not ego death. MDMA for me is rather like a supercharger to empathy, trust and well being. 

Don't take psychedelics with people you don't trust. Generally, I would recommend taking them alone and slowly ramping up the dose.

Ego death doesn't always have to mean non-dual state and blend one with everything/complete loss of self/character. Ego death can be experienced with MDMA as i have many times because ultimately, it can also mean coming to the realization that you are one with everything yet still being conscious and awake/aware of ego while aware of this realization. Sometimes there is no need to go deeper and completely transcend if you already know truth.

Many times in my psychedelic experiences the more profound moments were from small doses of substances rather than full blown DMT trip. If you are already spiritually aware, just becoming aware and being absolutely present within the moment is the same realization as high end/high dose.

Once you access the NOW again, that's all there is ever needed. Anything more is pointless, it leads back to the same presence/awareness.

[Inliytened1]

@Chumbimba You are already off to a valiant start because you are self aware.  Meaning you are already looking at your own habits and how to improve yourself.  One example you mentioned was starting something and not finishing.  This is one of the big ones.  Because we have monkey Mind we think we know it all when we get 75% in and that the other 25% doesn't matter. Actually it couldn't matter  more...

That said why don't you start by meditating for an hour a day and get a feel for how spiritually gifted you are without pyschedelics.  Perhaps you do not need them for your own enlightenment..perhaps you do, but you will never know unless you follow through on your goals.  You want to jump to a shortcut to awakening when it may not be necessary.  

If it is that's fine but you shouldn't put the horse in front of the cart.  Simple self inquiry should induce enlightenment if you are at that point in your life.  However if you have followed through and still can't achieve without pyschedelics then do them but do them the right way.   Its like Leo's maze video...you need to understand yourself first because your maze is your own.  You will not necessarily understand your true self and inner being by simply taking pyschedelics..you will do that through mediation and deep contemplation.  Don't jump ahead of yourself. 

[Chumbimba]

Thanks to everyone that replied. Today I got approved for a ten-day vipassana retreat at the beginning of May. I am planning to take 1.5gs of mushrooms on my birthday which is in late in May a couple of weeks after the retreat. This gives me time to become more aware, plan and research mushroom trips, studies, and books. It will also help me set a true intention.  Early I contemplated why I really am afraid of psychedelics. Growing up my mother always told me that psychedelics will make you "insane" or crazy and fry your brain. I never really questioned it for myself so I always feel a sense of guilt and fear when I even think about taking them. Black culture really demonizes them too which is the culture I grew up in. I'm still working to break out of it. I know mushrooms will obliterate my naive beliefs. 

[Enlightenment]

3 hours ago, pluto said:

Ego death doesn't always have to mean non-dual state and blend one with everything/complete loss of self/character.

It has to. Otherwise, we may call it lessening of ego, but not ego death.

[tedens]

5 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

I am planning to take 1.5gs of mushrooms on my birthday

happy birthday trip...