Family and self-help advice needed.

[Peter124]

I am a stage green and yellow person as with my youngest sister however, my parents are stage orange and blue fundamentalist religious and ultra conservative individuals. 

I always feel extra stress and anxiety added on my self-actualization journey between my anger, anxiety, stress, sadness and hurt caused by them. 

I'm honestly trying to find a path just for now (I'm 19 Btw) between having things be OK with my parents and my feelings of always being emotionally blackmailed, manipulated and bullied by them. 

I just need advice for by anyone who on their spiritual path to give me advice to help grow and heal while I'm feeling emotionally and mentally hurt by them. 

They have power to kick me out and I feel helpless as well, my parents are almost always arguing with each other which causes pain to listen to.

There are thing that is an issue like:

weed. 

I smoke weed as I feel like it does help in some aspects

My parents hate it and want to kick me out if I am figured out. 

 

School, 

I felt disconnected from school and want to go to a different collage for Animation as it was my passion 

But I have low self confidence in myself and my parents always talk to me like I'm a bum drop out. 

And issues like religion fundamental world view and anxiety. 

They think that the world operates on rules and consequences, 

And that literal demons are in non religious music movies anxiety weed. 

And I have a very spiritual metaphysical and general view. 

We cannot see eye to eye on anything and there is always tension.

 

Help, I need advice.

[Nahm]

@Peter124 Hi & welcome!  I’d say the suffering is thinking you understand them, and that they should understand you and agree to your perspective. Let all that go. Neither is necessary. Put that energy into your life and happiness. Accept them as they are. See them how you know you actually want to. They’re doing their best, exactly like you. Without those perspectives, you’d all be without that suffering. So much love available if you guys allow it. The anxiety isn’t from the circumstances, or the conflicts, or even the emotions, but from resisting so much love. The Love won’t stop. Everyone surrenders one way or another. 

 

 

[Peter124]

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

See them how you know you actually want to. They’re doing their best, exactly like you. Without those perspectives, you’d all be without that suffering. So much love available if you guys allow it. The anxiety isn’t from the circumstances, or the conflicts, or even the emotions, but from resisting so much love. The Love won’t stop. Everyone surrenders one way or another. 

Thanks for the advice, 

That special family Love is something that I felt I lost towards them in a way that I could say, "oh yeah I love my parents" but mean it in a kind of platonic way. 

Like saying, I'm willing to be decently kind and civil with them. 

I have been accepting that they are just blue/orange stage individuals as well as staunch ultra right wing religious fundamentalists, 

I don't feel really that they accept me for who I am and believe that there is something wrong with me since I'm not like how they are. 

That's something I had to live with since I was a kid as my dad would always call me "crazy" or say things like "you're mental" "you'll never be a man to me". 

That and at times it feels like they resent me for not being like them. 

I understand why and how they are like this, I get it as I know stuff about their upbringing, I do emphasize with why they are they way they are. 

However I don't feel like they are my real family or that they know what love is or how to act in love. 

Like I feel they expect us to turn into more financially stable versions of them.

I can't respect them since they are way too restrictive with me, their love is way too conditional, they are controlling and restrictive and always negative.

With that said, what kind of practical exercises would you suggest for me to try to open up to this love? And limit better yet, sever any kind of hindrance my relationship with them is having on my spiritual and personal growth? 

[Nahm]

@Peter124 Read what you wrote there. The judgement, the untapped love...is yours. Don’t believe the thoughts. Believe the love.

[Arcangelo]

Get a job, move out, smoke weed. In that order.

 

[Ataraxia]

Arcangelo... you beat me to the punch. smh lol... yep it's fine if you're almost yellow and understand SD and deal with blues or oranges, that's easy... if you want happiness be prepared to sleep under the stars lol.... be prepared to lose everything really but i digress. 

oh my order is: smoke weed, move out, get a job

lol