Something has tried to break down many times today my friends

[Ampresus]

Hello everyone.

I am not claiming that this is ''enlightenment'', ''Truth'', ''awakening'' or whatever you want to call it.

Today I have been feeling a bit more sick than yesterday. Last Friday was a full a blast in my head, so much stress and suffering and so I decided to quit meditation, self-inquiry, concentration practice and sports for a week (last one just for 5 days) . The first days nothing really happened. I didn't do much besides gaming. Haven't felt that much guilt in a while. Now is the fifth day and I decided to go to school and work out again. When I listened to my teachers I just couldn't do it.

Then it tried to hit me. There was something there. Hard to explain. I didn't feel much. There was pain involved. I felt dizzy and thought I would black out. This happened many times today. The thing is: I didn't black out or die or whatever. I can feel it in my chest. The amount of tension. It felt like crumbling down. Like falling asleep. As if some guy was poisoning me. The phase before the poison hits real deep.

Yesterday, during the time that I used to meditate, I decided to lay down and be present. Man it sometimes hit hard. Some kind of slap in the face. I haven't realized anything big or became really conscious.

Any idea what the actual fuck I was/am still (yes, right now I am having the same feelings) experiencing?