Where do I start?

[zambize]

1 minute ago, Paul92 said:

@zambize  So whatever I feel, I am meant to feel? Whatever I think, I meant to think?

If I sit here now and say I miss her deeply, I want to try and see her again, that's fine? I guess I haven't chose to feel like that, but I simply do.

I'm not saying you're meant to feel it or meant to think it, I dont know that.  I dont pretend to know all that shit.  I used to have the same kind of mindset, I still do occasionally.  Anytime a thought or feeling comes in that we think is super egoic we feel like we gotta play goalie and like shut those thoughts or feelings down.  But like that ain't helping anyone, and it's not anyone's fault you have those thoughts/feelings.  I'm just letting you know you dont gotta play goalie, we all got those weird thoughts and shit.  The way to get through emotions is to let them flow and surrender to them, you can amplify this by just writing down whatever you feel right now on paper, this kind of helps process our emotions and thoughts and they become less nagging when you get it down on paper.  It's kind of like the mind saying, okay I made my point I'll stop bugging you.  Anyways much love, hope that was intelligible I'm pretty high 

[Paul92]

@zambize  It makes a lot of sense, thanks. It seems quite a practical way of living on the face of it. Just a lot of conflicting messages floating around here at the moment. I miss her. Whatever she is. What am I to do? Who knows... why do I feel as though I miss her? Is that an egoic thing or not? If I just go with it, it feels good. But am I feeding my ego? Hmm

[zambize]

14 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@zambize  It makes a lot of sense, thanks. It seems quite a practical way of living on the face of it. Just a lot of conflicting messages floating around here at the moment. I miss her. Whatever she is. What am I to do? Who knows... why do I feel as though I miss her? Is that an egoic thing or not? If I just go with it, it feels good. But am I feeding my ego? Hmm

No you're not feeding your ego, you're actually giving more power to your thoughts and feelings if you have that attitude because then your ego can kind of use thoughts and feelings in tricky ways.  You will be doing the opposite of feeding your ego if you feel your thoughts and feelings and let them flow.  You gotta expand that awareness and really feel what's coming through you.  Your egos toxic behavior will be sorted out in the light of your awareness.  Okay I'm getting too spiritual. 

As far as why I think you miss her it's because you're human, we are kind of pre wired to feel certain ways.  Being social creatures it was probably a trait selected for at some point to help groups of our ancestors stay together.  That longing to be with the same tribe.  It's just a normal part of being human because of who we are and what helped our ancestors survive.  I dont know feeling bad for feeling loneliness and human emotions is like feeling bad for shitting, it's just part of life. You're a normal guy who is feeling some normal feelings, I'm sure you'll be able to work through them over time, it can often feel overwhelming at first 

Edited April 4, 2019 by zambize

[Paul92]

@zambize  Thank you. It's difficult to draw the line isn't it. The point where, yes, I feel like I miss someone and it makes me sad. You might say I could just observe those feelings. Do I observe or do I embrace? Observation is distancing, to me.

[zambize]

4 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@zambize  Thank you. It's difficult to draw the line isn't it. The point where, yes, I feel like I miss someone and it makes me sad. You might say I could just observe those feelings. Do I observe or do I embrace? Observation is distancing, to me.

Hmmm you know the feeling when you kind of like let down your shoulders and relax something that was tense?  Do that but into the feeling, you're looking to just not resist it really and you kind of do that by channeling that letting go feeling.  Dont pretend to like or love anything you dont, just kinda keep letting go and the clouds will start to clear up.  Dont let the content of the thoughts or feelings get in the way of you just letting go and I think overtime you'll feel a lot better 

[mandyjw]

Love is the only risk worth taking. 

3 hours ago, Paul92 said:

@zambize  So whatever I feel, I am meant to feel? Whatever I think, I meant to think?

If I sit here now and say I miss her deeply, I want to try and see her again, that's fine? I guess I haven't chose to feel like that, but I simply do.

 

[Paul92]

@mandyjw I don't know if it is. I don't even know who she is. Whether she is real or not. I don't even know if I'm real. I don't think I am.

I can't even tell you how I feel at the moment. Completely and utterly hopeless. My entire world has come crashing down. Don't even know where to start. I don't know what to believe or what to do. Just completely lost and broken.

[tedens]

@Paul92 spent some time in nature alone.