Where do I start?

[FoxFoxFox]

@Paul92 The reason you suffer is not because you've realized that there's no "me", it's because the process has not been fully complete. The proof for that is in your writing. You still fully identify with the body and the mind. You still fully identify with the "I". You have just adopted a bunch of false notions ("there is no me!" is just nihilism).

[Dumb Enlightened]

3 hours ago, Paul92 said:

I know understand there is no 'me' or 'you'. It's pretty obvious. Which is hard for this body/mind, or whatever it is, to process. I'm in a complete meltdown again, and I've been looking for a way out. My doctor put me on anti depressants and I started taking them a few days ago and the anxiety and suicidal thoughts have just gone through the roof.

I was always someone who thrived off our individuality. On us being separate entities. I have said before I loved helping other people, because I wanted to make a difference to their absolute unique experience. Knowing that we can't possible be individuals, even though we feel like it, takes a lot of colour out of this existence, from this perspective.

I think I have to start the 'path'. Because it is the only hope I have left to enjoy whatever this is and not suffer. I am tired of suffering (though, before I realised the truth, I can't say I suffered as much) But my greatest realisation, above everything, is that there is no 'me'. Which, as I say, takes the colour out of the experience. Others on here might say that it makes the experience lighter, but at the moment, that is not how it seems for me.

So what do I have to do?

I try and be present but it is unbelievably difficult. Is this where I start?

Can anyone help me, please?

My ego heart is broken at the moment, as I ballsed up a relationship with a girl. After I realised that basically, I was falling for something that isn't real. But the pain is real. The thought of her with someone else is devastating, even though I know, it's not real!

Please, I really need help. I have a lot of questions.

I would suggest you to use the Letting go process to get rid of all those feelings you must be feeling now, once you do it, and feel better, look for the sense of ' I ', where is it coming from ? Try to find it, look for it until it is gone 

or you can try to skip the letting go process and just go after the sense of I;

[Shaun]

15 minutes ago, tedens said:

@Shaun Who decided you to listen him?

I did. BIG mistake. 

[Paul92]

@Shaun I don't think I can get back with her now. I just don't know if I can commit to something that isn't real.

@FoxFoxFox I can see that I am identifying with I. But it is very difficult to just drop that. Practical tips would be helpful.

@Dumb Enlightened I'm trying my best to just let go, but it seems forced. Which I appreciate is just my ego trying to survive.

[tedens]

@Shaun If you've done that you can also reject all this stuff, now.

Edited April 2, 2019 by tedens

[Dumb Enlightened]

4 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

 

@Dumb Enlightened I'm trying my best to just let go, but it seems forced. Which I appreciate is just my ego trying to survive.

Maybe you misunderstood what letting go really means, read the book Letting go by David Hawkins

check out this thread

 

Edited April 2, 2019 by Dumb Enlightened

[Shaun]

8 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@Shaun I don't think I can get back with her now. I just don't know if I can commit to something that isn't real.

@FoxFoxFox I can see that I am identifying with I. But it is very difficult to just drop that. Practical tips would be helpful.

@Dumb Enlightened I'm trying my best to just let go, but it seems forced. Which I appreciate is just my ego trying to survive.

If you look at a screen inside a CCTV operators room, you will see many images. You and your girlfriend respectively are just like like one of the images on that screen. The only reality to the images is the screen just like the only reality to all of experience is consciousness. Yes, we are all illusions but to all illusions there is a reality. The reality of the illusion of distant water in a desert is light. I hope this helps somewhat,

Edited April 2, 2019 by Shaun

[Dumb Enlightened]

9 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

 

@FoxFoxFox I can see that I am identifying with I. But it is very difficult to just drop that. Practical tips would be helpful.

 

Where is the I then ? If you are identified with it you should know where it is,

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, Shaun said:

Yes, nobody exists as any separate physical entity it is just one consciousness interacting with itself, but your finite mind is not the only finite mind.

I would consider this one “level” of consciousness and I find it problematic getting stuck in any one level of consciousness.  

When I was contracted within the personal level of consciousness, it was problematic. Then I realized the social level of consciousness and tried to rehect the personal level of consciousness. This became priblematic as well. 

I’ve found there are various levels of consciousness, similiar to various levels of maps. There is a map if Los Angeles. a map of California, a map of the U.S. and a map of the World. They are are inter-related and each has truth and is useful. Getting stuck in any one map is problematic - at the cellular, organismal and community levels.

[Paul92]

@Dumb Enlightened Thanks for the link. I think I understand. Think of the things that bring me that awful emotion and just sit with it and sit with it. It will lose its power eventually? Isn't this like exposure and response therapy? haha

 

@Shaun I think I know what you're saying but I'm not 100%. Isn't that just saying we are all part of the same thing but we are separate?

 

@Serotoninluv Really not sure what you're saying here.

[Forestluv]

 

16 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

 

@Serotoninluv Really not sure what you're saying here.

Consider your cellular level. Independent cells are functioning in your body. Individual neurons interact with individual muscle cells. Collectively, all these cells give rise to the next level up - your body. You. 

Now imagine you were 100% obsessed with the functioning of each of these  independent cells in your body. That would cause problems within the next level up. It would be problematic in your social and work life. Consider the other extreme. Being 100% obsessed with your social and work life. This will cause problems at the cellular level and inhibit the cells in your body from interacting well with each other. 

For me, it’s an integrated whole. Focusing too much on one leads to imbalances. I often see people gain trans-personal awareness of collective consciousness and then reject personal consciousness. This was problematic ime.

This is just one way of looking at things I find helpful.

[Shaun]

28 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

 

@Shaun I think I know what you're saying but I'm not 100%. Isn't that just saying we are all part of the same thing but we are separate?

 

I sadly do not understand myself how consciousness creates the appearance of separation but my idea, which is probably wrong, is that consciousness is a master shape shifter as Leo said. It assumes the form of everything, every atom and subatomic particle. The more physicists look for matter the less of it they find which seems to confirm that consciousness is primary. A few quantum physicists have even said that they regard consciousness as fundamental. But all of this is just mental gymnastics which is best avoided at the moment. Try just living as normal and be present with this emotion until it calms down.

Edited April 2, 2019 by Shaun

[Paul92]

@Shaun Easier said than done to just returning to normality, whatever that is for me now. I just find it impossible to not see myself as myself. There are so many conflicting ideas on here. Someone says one thing, someone else says another. A materialist will explain it quite straightforwardly and there will be a general consensus. But neither can say there is a self. Sam Harris even says the self is an illusion. It is living in that illusion that I really don't know if I can stomach. It really doesn't make anything lighter for me.

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, David Hammond said:

It took me 10 years to become an enlightened master

Omg, thanks for the morning laugh, really cleared the pipes!

Just a week ago, if that, you were calling another member nasty names and kicking him in the teeth, while he was down.

Today you're an enlightened master?

 

[FoxFoxFox]

@Paul92 Self inquire and allow the revelation that there really is no "I" take hold of you. At that point, the practice should not be a mental one, but a matter of surrender. Having strong desire for liberation helps as energetic intensity can overwhelm the mind and force it to surrender. There is no 
practical advice here, because it is not a matter of practice. It is a matter of surrender, that is let the I go and never hold on to it again. 

[Ananta]

@David Hammond It was abusive, not feedback. Keep deluding yourself, you will be the only one that suffers, because of it. 

 

[Dumb Enlightened]

26 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@Shaun Easier said than done to just returning to normality, whatever that is for me now. I just find it impossible to not see myself as myself. There are so many conflicting ideas on here. Someone says one thing, someone else says another. A materialist will explain it quite straightforwardly and there will be a general consensus. But neither can say there is a self. Sam Harris even says the self is an illusion. It is living in that illusion that I really don't know if I can stomach. It really doesn't make anything lighter for me.

If this is not for you right now, forget about it and go live your life, try self actualization in other ways, do things you enjoy.

 if it is your time to go to the non dual path, you won't be able to run from it, each individual has its on time, just take it easy buddy.

[Paul92]

@FoxFoxFox I think I need time to figure this out and how I can do it.

@Dumb Enlightened I can't just return to normality. All I think now is that everyone around me is an illusion, an ego.

What I don't understand is that people like Sadhguru (I really like him actually, compared to other teachers), claims that we are individuals... sometimes we are wonderful, sometimes we are not, sometimes we are happy, sometimes we are sad. There is only one person in the body. Doesn't this conflict with everything we are saying here?

[Shaun]

33 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@Shaun Easier said than done to just returning to normality, whatever that is for me now. I just find it impossible to not see myself as myself. There are so many conflicting ideas on here. Someone says one thing, someone else says another. A materialist will explain it quite straightforwardly and there will be a general consensus. But neither can say there is a self. Sam Harris even says the self is an illusion. It is living in that illusion that I really don't know if I can stomach. It really doesn't make anything lighter for me.

That's the biggest problem, nonduality becomes just like religion with all its different ideas and interpretations. You can get out of this hole, it is possible for you. It has taken me over two months from waking up in the morning in terror to more or less normalcy. Please do not go and watch Leo's god videos until you are really ready as they will do you a lot of harm. You can watch the Rupert Spira video about solipsism and that helped me a lot. Hell, even go and watch videos of Bob Ross painting, they aren't even about spirituality yet are very calming. I hope it all works out for you.

[mandyjw]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@mandyjw Your pointer will fall of deaf ears.

Don't you know that more people are reading your comment than just the OP?