Ego and Relationships

[Paul92]

@Shin What was my conclusion exactly? That she was not real?

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Paul92 said:

@NoSelfSelf I really don't know if I can enjoy an illusion. This might be my ego talking. Well, no, it is my ego talking. But without us being separate entities, life loses it's colour for me. So what's the point in a relationship with an illusion? It makes zero sense. I don't see this as liberating, it's cruel.

This is all a fantasy.

[Paul92]

@Shin Why is it?

[Shin]

1 minute ago, Paul92 said:

@Shin Why is it?

Are you seeing other people as illusion ?

Not believing they are, but are they actually illusions in your direct experience (again not in your mind ) ?

[Paul92]

@Shin At the moment, yes I am seeing other people as illusions. Everyone is an ego, a mental fabrication, which is an illusion, therefore not an absolute entity.

All my life I saw people as unique individuals - absolute entities. Almost like individual souls. But if we are all one soul, then we can't love 'another', surely?

[Shin]

Just now, Paul92 said:

@Shin At the moment, yes I am seeing other people as illusions. Everyone is an ego, a mental fabrication, which is an illusion, therefore not an absolute entity.

All my life I saw people as unique individuals - absolute entities. Almost like individual souls. But if we are all one soul, then we can't love 'another', surely?

You sure ?

Because you ask a lot of questions about it for someone who's living it.

[Paul92]

@Shin Then explain to me...

We know the ego is an illusion. There is no 'self'. We are all, essentially, one thing. So, what is the point in a relationship?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 with that queastion you are exposing your selfish nature,you said you were there to give thats not the case...

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf No, I absolutely was there to give. I'd do everything for her, purely for her experience to be as pleasant as possible. 

But there is no 'her'. There is an ego 'her' but not a real her.

 

So I wasn't actually making anyone's experience better. 

 

Can't anyone see this? 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 you are dogmatic as f im done

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf I don't understand how you reach this conclusion. I wasn't being provocative, just asking genuine questions...

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 cant you see that you get the answer and you stay on the sam conclusion not wanting to see or change pov(thats dogmatic) no growth can happen if you are dogmatic...so we are just spinning in circles

Edited April 2, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf You've not given me any answer.. you've pretty much just agreed that we are illusions...

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 i told you there is no conflict in relationships knowing nobody exists..you can engage in relationships and enjoy it however you want...you are like an actor who knows its a play but says its a play i wont play it because its not real...and real not real is the same thing...ejlightement enriches everything it doesnt make it not colorful it makes it more colorful...you dont need to reject anything if you dont want to...i get it we are the one etc etc but thats just the foundation nothing else....infinite playground of creativity play enjoyment and other things...

Edited April 2, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf Right, okay, thank you. That is starting to make more sense. I'd argue, though, that life would be more colourful if we was all absolute individuals. There would be more room for growth there, surely?

I say that I miss her. Who or what am I missing? Is it bad to miss someone?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 I dont know its more complex than that we are not ready for enlightened community yet...its all ok let yourself heal just be mindful to not go in big lenghts...like you said its all thought(attachment) thats why with enlightement you can enjoy as much as you did and when it ends you wont be affected as much and be glad for experience that happened...

[Joseph Maynor]

On 4/1/2019 at 11:42 AM, Paul92 said:

I'm trying my best to do the work to wake up.

I was seeing a girl for over 2 months. We had some incredible times. I really fell for her. But more and more I began to realise I was clinging onto an illusion.And then she got a bit nervous it was all happening too fast. So we have gone out seperate ways.

The thing is, I know that I haven't really lost anything, as what I feel for was a mental construct.. she wasn't an absolute thing for me to love, was she?

But it still hurts. 'Her' stuff is still at my house... my bed still smells like her and my mind makes the link to happy times we had together. I do miss 'her'.

Is this just my ego trying to survive?

Don’t think of your girl as a mental construct.  She can read that energy off you and it’s not good.  You’re stuck in the middle part of the Path where you’re “thinking” everything is a mental construct.  But what is that which thinks?

Here’s a good video for you:

 

Edited April 2, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Paul92]

@Joseph Maynor It's difficult. One of the reasons we finished is because I went 'weird' because I could only see her as an illusion. An ego, something that whatever she is, thinks she is. Which she isn't right? I struggle to find that I can love an illusion. It terrifies me.

I will watch that video when I am home from work. I like Sadhguru. He seems to make it clear that it is okay to be human. I've seen videos of him saying that clearly there is only one person in that body. If there isn't, you're either schizophrenic or you need an exorcism. But doesn't that go against everything everyone says on this forum?

Id love nothing more than to try and pursue her again and have a wonderful relationship with another 'real' entity. But I just can't see how I will see anyone as a seperate thing again. I WANT to love OTHERS, not just an illusion of myself.

[Joseph Maynor]

10 hours ago, Paul92 said:

@Joseph Maynor It's difficult. One of the reasons we finished is because I went 'weird' because I could only see her as an illusion. An ego, something that whatever she is, thinks she is. Which she isn't right? I struggle to find that I can love an illusion. It terrifies me.

I will watch that video when I am home from work. I like Sadhguru. He seems to make it clear that it is okay to be human. I've seen videos of him saying that clearly there is only one person in that body. If there isn't, you're either schizophrenic or you need an exorcism. But doesn't that go against everything everyone says on this forum?

Id love nothing more than to try and pursue her again and have a wonderful relationship with another 'real' entity. But I just can't see how I will see anyone as a seperate thing again. I WANT to love OTHERS, not just an illusion of myself.

I know what you're going through.  I went through that stage of the Path too.  I popped out of that though.  You will pop out of the Mind-Matrix at some point and stop conceptualizing reality at all in a metaphysical way.  And then your girlfriend will not be defined by your Mind and you can experience her directly without any kind of preconceived mental filter there.  And that will open up a new kind of closeness with her because you'll be relating in this very direct and intuitive kind of connection.  I think I would have sucked in a relationship when I was in the middle part of the Path.  That's just a shitty place to be coming from to try to have an intimate relationship with a woman.  I think you gotta kind of let all that stuff go and be very natural, open, and intuitive with a woman, and then the relationship blossoms like you wouldn't believe -- like two teenagers falling in love without any ideas of love being there to filter things and distort things in a prima facie way.

Edited April 3, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[zambize]

4 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I know what you're going through.  I went through that stage of the Path too.  I popped out of that though.  You will pop out of the Mind-Matrix at some point and stop conceptualizing reality at all in a metaphysical way.  And then your girlfriend will not be defined by your Mind and you can experience her directly with any kind of preconceived mental filter there.  And that will open up a new kind of closeness with her because you'll be relating in this very direct and intuitive kind of connection.  I think I would have sucked in a relationship when I was in the middle part of the Path.  That's just a shitty place to be coming from to try to have an intimate relationship with a woman.  I think you gotta kind of let all that stuff go and be very natural, open, and intuitive with a woman, and then the relationship blossoms like you wouldn't believe -- like two teenagers falling in love without any ideas of love being there to filter things and distort things in a prima facie way.

Damn I'm impressed, you must be reading a lot of mandy or something