Ego and Relationships

[Paul92]

I'm trying my best to do the work to wake up.

I was seeing a girl for over 2 months. We had some incredible times. I really fell for her. But more and more I began to realise I was clinging onto an illusion.And then she got a bit nervous it was all happening too fast. So we have gone out seperate ways.

The thing is, I know that I haven't really lost anything, as what I feel for was a mental construct.. she wasn't an absolute thing for me to love, was she?

But it still hurts. 'Her' stuff is still at my house... my bed still smells like her and my mind makes the link to happy times we had together. I do miss 'her'.

Is this just my ego trying to survive?

Edited April 1, 2019 by Paul92

[Shin]

 

[Paul92]

@Shin That's a lovely video and makes a lot of sense.

But what I don't understand about Tolle and others is why they talk about having a 'partner' or why he has one. If you are the same, then what's the point?

[Shin]

1 minute ago, Paul92 said:

@Shin That's a lovely video and makes a lot of sense.

But what I don't understand about Tolle and others is why they talk about having a 'partner' or why he has one. If you are the same, then what's the point?

Because it's a beautiful experience, and tremendous growth can happens out of it.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92

If you enjoy relationships now while you are awake it will be much much better

[Paul92]

@Shin It is a beautiful experience. But I think it loses its colour if you are not actually loving another seperate entity. If the woman was an individual soul, then that is fair enough. But if we are one soul, it doesn't make much sense and you are enamored with an illusion.

 

@NoSelfSelf I loved that relationship even though it was short lived. My main focus was to just try and ensure that I made her life more enjoyable. But then I realised that 'she' is not real... it just makes me wonder why bother..

[Shin]

That's all assumptions, besides almost all enlightened being I know of have someone in their lives, so there must be a pretty good reason.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 so what if shes not real thats your mind thinking its a bad thing...expression of her presence and 2 people together sharing joy thats enough...

[Paul92]

@Shin  Yes, interesting point. However, it just seems really paradoxical. By definition a relationship is a way in which two or more things are connected, which would imply separateness. Perhaps they don't call it a relationship... but it is, isn't it?

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf But they aren't two people, are they?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 Thats true but then dont ask people on the forum queastions because you are asking yourself

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf So we have to be separate on some level...

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 No you are looking it wrong everything is there to enjoy its not in the conflict of existing or not...cliche example is enjoying a great movie but you know its not real...

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf I really don't know if I can enjoy an illusion. This might be my ego talking. Well, no, it is my ego talking. But without us being separate entities, life loses it's colour for me. So what's the point in a relationship with an illusion? It makes zero sense. I don't see this as liberating, it's cruel.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Paul92 thats irony...thinking you are seperate and trying to get yourself complete with another is more cruel than knowing you are all complete and just sharing authentic joy...

Edit:you are putting cart before the horse its a trap..

Edited April 2, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[Shin]

Until you awaken you're just making assumptions about something you don't experience

-> You don't know.

[Paul92]

@NoSelfSelf How can you share authentic joy with yourself?

 

@Shin What is there to know? If 'me' and 'her' are the same thing, nothing can be exchanged. The only thing that can be exchanged is things between two egos, which are not 'real'.

 

I'm just trying to understand. I thought I loved another human being - an individual. But what I loved was an illusion. STILL, that hurts, because the experience was incredible.

[Shin]

You are thinking this conclusion,

You are not living it.

 

Thinking is a fantasy

Direct experience is real

 

You don't have the direct experience yet.

[Paul92]

@Shin Okay. I know thinking is fantasy. I'll assume you know the truth. Is the girl real or not?

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

@Shin Okay. I know thinking is fantasy. I'll assume you know the truth. Is the girl real or not?

No I don't know.

I just knew you were projecting a conclusion with your mind, which is a huge trap on the path.