Connection

[Proactive]

Joke of the day - I went to class realized my first page of homework was missing so I decided to go to two of my studying locations. Then went back home. Then I went to the library to print out another copy of the paper and do it in class. Then I realized when I got there after 30mins of biking; The homework was scrumpled at the bottom of my backpack. I will never get those 12cents back from the printer. I deeply regret it. No matter how hard I try to get it back; It won't. I just have to accept what i've lost and move on. Even though it is really really hard.

hehe that wasn't bad. Good job proactive! I am proud of you!

Anyways I said I would contemplate about whether the quality of meditation was causation or correlation. I would say correlation. It is a reflection of how strong my feeling part of the mind is on that day. The solution is just to continue with the meditation until my mind does calm down. Sometimes this might take an hour. Skip class if it's not an important class. Or drink coffee. These are just 2 approaches I can try. Also be more diligent about removing distractions. Take your laptop off your desk. Turn off wifi. Now that won't solve the problem but it wont make it worse. POMODORO. I SAID POMODORO; totally forgot about it . Btw the emojis here suck.

 

Edited June 13, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day  - Let do a joke that does not make fun of me because my feelings are starting to hurt. Lets do a joke about you. 

Knock Knock

................

Knock knock

...............

Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock

....................................................................................................................................................................................

 

Ok anyways. I just realized something that will help me so much. When I was young I had a really difficult time reading. What I would do was just literally read the words out in my mind. I'd have no idea what was going on. But then one day I realized that if I picture it instead. I would find the story 10x more interesting and actually be able to read.

So in class; or whenever i'm trying to gain information. Use pictures. I did this in lecture today for class; I even doodled a little which increased my focus rather than just straight up copying.

[Proactive]

Joke of the day  - yes, yes! yesterdays joke was very good because I FELT POWERFUL BULLYING the weak. The defenseless.I felt so great. If you ever want to feel powerful bullying others like I just did to you yesterday. You could try to rip off leaves from a tree. Or grass. Just slowly pulling the hair off mother nature one at a time.

GET INTO THE PRESENT MOMENT. It is honestly the most interesting moment to live in  due to the amount of detail we have. But sometimes it doesn't feel that way. When our mind forgets that the way things are is extraordinary. When the "Normel" is extraordinary. The most magical place to live is in the present. 

A contradictory thing is going after a dream of yours. You imagine what you want in the future. The way to obtain that is by not imagining it and just doing it in the present moment. The future will never be yours. Live a life where we are not planning things. But just doing them. No ambition; but proactive. This is a interesting topic that needs further contemplation

Edited June 15, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

• Joke of the day  - I've got nothign funny to say. The cat that lives upstairs no longer wants to be pet. So that makes me sad. mmmmmm. Usually making fun of someone works. Its kinda funny how no matter what society we are in. We are always brainwashed. Yet we criticize other countries. AND OMG I FOUND THE EMOJIX LOOK ✌??????????????????????????‍♀️️️️️️️️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?????????. Press window key then period.?????????‍?

present part 1

Living in the present moment is difficult for me. Living in the present means valuing what happens now more than any other time. This means if you have homework but don't feel like doing it. You don't do it even if it means you face negative consequences. However if you are in the present while facing those consequences; it won't hurt you neither. Whatever goals or ambitions oneself has must be let go. Identities cannot exist. They are caused by what happens in the past.

In order to live in the present we must surrender everything. [

I don't think I explained clearly what was contradictory yesterday. In order to excecute on ones dreams they must work really hard.  In order to work really hard they must live in the present. If you are living in the present there is no such thing  as a dream. There's no reason for doing anything. Your just happy.

should I just drop out of school and start trying to help others? Like build cool stuff. Idk man idk. Btw having an urge to play video games does not mean you want to do it in the present moment. Theres no such a thing as wanting something in the present. The present does not mean gaining satisfaction in 2 nanosecond, 2 seconds. In 20mins ,2hours,20years. It means accepting what is happening right now. Theres nothing you can do to influence anything.

Being sad only occurs is if something will effect you in  the future. If my parents just died. This sadness could be alleviated instantly. By forgetting about them.

This is what makes humans humans though. To think into the future. We should just forgo this? I don't think so. There's somethig in my heart telling me no. It's telling me to have those periods where we look into the future. Then there are periods where we excecute while in the present.

Edited June 16, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day  - The summer air is in the air. The birds are chirping, the wind is blowing. The sun is shining. The proactive is in his dark room writing about the summer.

yeahhhhhhh, that's all I got. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

The following statement of yours cracked me up the most. It seemed to arrive out of state of flow.

Posted May 21 · Report post

I use to get dizzy reading journals as well. The secret is to stop shaking my head while reading. @Good-boy

 

You posted this earlier in your Journal and I don't think I ever commented on it. It's a great book I enjoyed years ago and need to read again. I think I saw it on Leo's booklist.

 

,,@Proactive I have a knock knock joke.  You have to start it though,,,,

[Proactive]

 

Quote

It seemed to arrive out of state of flow.

@Zigzag Idiot ?

Knock nock

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

who's there?

????

 

[Proactive]

@Zigzag Idiot OH SHIT SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY HERE! I'm proactive

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Proactive ???

[Proactive]

JOKE OF THE DAY -  the text here is so small and stuff that I don't need to make a joke. In fact i'm gonna reveal my biggest secret. I am not human. I'm actually a alien from mars.

Helllllllllo. its me incase you didnt know who it was. My name is proactive and I am not a alien. I am a fellow human like you. 

My goal should be to be able to spend more time on my homework. Be present while doing it. So there are days where i'm motivated and not. I gotta get this in my mind. I work when I feel motivated. I don't when I dont feel motivated. What i'm gonna do is try to work when I least feel like it. Build the calluses in my mind. as David goggins says. He motivates me; but is his strategy really the best way for me to conquer school? He does have a point. Just working when you feel motivated won't work. But there is things like happiness. If I spend too much time doing something. I get bored and I don't feel happy doing it. Happiness is correlated with success in school.

Well; what we gotta change is the internal stuff. Be happy suffering. Enjoy feeling no motivation. Embrace it. Embrace the negative feelings.Here's a poem a wrote a while ago when I was depressed. Then I embraced the lonliness.

The ground is covered in ashes,

the grey clouds loom accross the wide open sky.

There is nothing, but darkness.

But that is okay, because I am darkness now too.

Edited June 20, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

I'M taking a course called Mindfulness commitment program for e-sport athletes that I bought a couple of years ago. I think i'm going to take some notes and put it on here.

LAST LESSON - was about attention. Being able to control and direct your attention.

THE LESSON I'M LEARNING ABOUT NOW

POISE - Act in service of my values despite emotional,physical feelings/sensations.

• Poise and attention are the core concepts that this course is trying to train.
• There are many people who are motivated to do things. But few who actually do it.
• Theres 2 models. Control model and Accept model

Control model - I want to do my homework; but i'm tired

Acceptance model - I want to do my homework; AND i'm tired

 

[Proactive]

Exercise for students studying and feeling tired or something.

1. Take deep breaths get into the moment
2. Start doing homework
3. Feel your pencil going accross the page.
4. Listen to it.
5. Notice what's going on in your mind.

 

[Proactive]

Joke of the day -  why did the chicken cross the road?

Mhhhhhh good question good question. Well we gotta think about this.

• well, what is the chickens life purpose?
  • well obviously it depends on the chicken right, so we can't derive anything from there
• The chicken is an animal that lives in the present so there are only a few motivations that could lead it to move across this road.
  • Food/ it's hungry - there's grass on the other side
  • Sex - there's a colourful chicken on the otherside of the road
  • Danger There's a human(which I am also one) child chasing it.

Internal states - MAC PROGRAM EP 3.

The problem is the struggle against the feeling of distress. There are 3 internal states

1. Thoughts
2. Emotions
3. Physical sensations

Basically just watch these things go by. Don't let it stop you. Notice them; then gently move on. Don't stop everything your doing to deal with these internal states.

It's like having pain on your knee and just focusing your attention onto it. Well that's a waste of time. You'll feel constant pain. Eventually however if you just go on with your day; this constant pain will be gone. Just like how we don't feel the clothes we are wearing anymore. It is just on us and our brain blurred it out. 

Edited June 21, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day -  helo, it's me. I'm gonna have to make a joke in 3 2 1. I am a potato. That is why french fries exist. The orange glow of the sun sits upon me. As I squirm. waving my limbs back and forth. 

I was hoping something funny would come out by randomly saying whatever comes to mind.

Motivation

I guess having a vision far out is not really that motivating unless it is directly achieved by doing what i'm doing. Gotta have a vision that I enjoy. That is relatively close. One of them is believing that I can do really well on this homework. It is really hard, every week I put in many hours into my physics assignment to fail it. No matter how hard I try I am getting about the same results. I wrote a post back then when I was really struggling emotionally because of this too bad the forum bugged out so I couldn't get that low point on a post. ?ahh yes my fav emoji is here!

It feels like i'm just running into a wall that I have to believe I can break. But each time I run into it; it doesn't move. So for the past 2 weeks; i've not really believed too much. Therefore have not charged at this wall at the intensity I did before. I gotta believe that I am more capable than I think. Doing vision work should not only be done for the biggest goals; but for smaller goals as well. Don't just aim to survive. Aim to thrive. To do the impossiblew.

Edited June 22, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day

What a beautiful day it is. The rays of the sun magically fly through the air. It sees all.Your doorstep, your front yard, your face, through your window while your changing, it watches you as you enter the password to your alarm system.

motivation part 1 - just a theory

Welllll, self talk is actually just the control of ones own thoughts I suppose. But self-talk dictates what moods we feel. I'm having a hard time explaining it. So i'mma just go with an example.Be weary; self-talk is veryveryveryvery hard to catch sometimes.

Say you go for a run for 30mins straight with no motivation

In your head you say "I will not give up; I will die before I give up".(Not just saying it; but believing it). Realize that you had no intention of running or motivation to do so. But because you said it and you consciously made yourself believe it. Your now motivated.

Then there's obviously the opposite.

Motivation is not some super complex thing. Yet it causes very different external results.It's simply the words you say; it's like walking through a path of equal size and just choosing 1. It's very difficult sometimes to see it because of our frame. A limiting belief or a habit. The difference between someone who gives up and who doesn't is due to self-talk.

Beliefs don't have to obey "logic" ,in fact. Trusting logic is not a good idea when your doing something that can cause your instinctive self to come out; it's hard to be truley objectively logical. Just look at what beliefs you have, look at your goals. See what beliefs/self-talk is preventing you from this and just reframe it.

I don't think i'm explaining this very well; probably because I don't fully comprehend it. Essentially self-talk is very very important to controlling our motivation. Self talk can sometimes be hard to catch; changing it will change your entire world view. Changing the meanings we associate with feelings, objects, everything so that it is beneficial for our goals.

Edited June 24, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day

Hi. My life is sad. Very sad. Yesterday as I was cooking my steak. I burnt it as well as overcooked it.????????. Then, today as I was taking my frozen dumplings out of the fridge. I broke like all of them. Do you know how it feels to eat meat not attached to the dough? . FML

Attempt at explaining yesterdays concept again

I think yesterday was about how motivations are dictated by self-talk + habits(but I am not focusing on it). Even though this is not something unique. I found it very surprising even though i've heard this sort of stuff similar to this before

I found this out because there is no reason that we want something. We just say we want it because we correlate it with another things. We correlate skiing with the adrenaline we feel, which is not skiing. I thought motivation was just something we either had it or didn't for a specific activity. If we frame it in a way inside our brain; we can learn to enjoy this activity. 

Frames can be used negatively as well. It is hard to spot the frames we operate in, which have chain effects that lead to the failure of our goals as well. Catch your self-talk before they say something like "i'm tired" because that'll effect how you feel. I've never used the word self-talk and I think it confuses me.

This is much easier said than done and I can't be 100% certain this fact is true. But if it is that is pretty awesome.The reason it's difficult is because you have habits/addictions.Frame can be largely correlated with self-talk. This is not something new I suppose but it is something that surprised me o.0 . 

 

Edited June 25, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

Joke of the day

so i'mma explain  the concept again. Heehehhehehe. Jk it's not a joke . I'm actually doing it

Attempt at explaining yesterdays concept again part 2

So i've been applying this insight onto running as it seems like the easiest way to test it out.  When your running; what's stopping you is not the tiredness. It's the voice inside your head telling you to stop. It starts off quiet; then gets louder as the pain gets stronger. Eventually there isn't even a voice; but it's still telling you to stop. I've atleast quadrupled my distance running without stopping. Granted when I ran previously it was to just exercise and not try to understand how motivation/brain works. 

mhh that's all i've got to say.

Today I read a interesting post on this forum talking about whether it's possible to change yourself. Reminded me of a post I wanted to do a long time ago

My opinion is that it's both. You are a collection of all your past selves. I am proactive(which is my name) as a 3 year old + a 8 year old + ......  I am the collection of all the traumatic  and victorious memories. However you can still dictate what is your next identity which can overlap the previous experiences but not erase it. Sort of like a gpa. But there's no such thing as a good gpa I guess since we are talking about life.

These parts of myself can come up when certain environments come up. It's possible to change your reactions; but they are built upon the previous reactions.

 

Edited June 26, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

jOKE OF THE DAY

Today i'm gonna try to explain it jusssssssssssssst 1 more time. Jk i think i explained it pretty well yesterday.

Attempt #3 at removing internet addiction part 1

ATTEMPT #3 WILL ONLY BE A MENTAL CHANGE

THE EFFECTS OF THE INTERNET

What's wrong with playing video games? Whats wrong with watching youtube? There's nothing wrong with it. Other than it robs your potential. Takes the time you could've used to grow yourself, learn new skills, go after your goals.

You can only choose one to live in, the internet or go for your goals. If you give yourself the freedom to do whatever you want. Your going to play video games ironically removing your freedom. Freedom is something that I really value inherently.

My cue for gaming is going into my room after being outside. What is my strategy..The first attempt was just i'm gonna say what i'm gonna do. Then do it such as i'm not gonna play anymore video games( This attempt happend like 10 times since I was like 12), the second attempt was an environment change. Now i'm gonna try mental changes. In reality we should be applying both environment + mental simultaneously

When I get into my room. My mind is saying you HAVE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES.(much like running hehehe) You have to, in order to feel good or feel normel. If I wanna do homework. It'll say YOU HAVE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES IN ORDER TO GET A HIGH INTENSITY HOMEWORK SESSION GOING. Which is sorta true(possibly limiting belief). Because my mind will keep saying it until I get my fix of video games. This is not a very good strategy. I have a feeling that it is gonna be harder and harder to satisfy my needs.

The sacrifice of not playing video games

• Boredom. I don't have anything that excites me
• No social activity
• Don't get the sense that i'm good at something
• No stress relievers
• There's a possibility my grades could even go down by quitting. But it is definitely worth it.

Make sure your willing to sacrifice all these things in order to stop gaming. The answer is no; why the fuck would I wanna feel that? What if I told you it's temporary?? What if I told you could experience more of life after suffering through this; being able to make friends. Travel the world because of this extra freedom you've achieveed? Create things, help soceity. Being able to go safely into flow state within another domain that generates income.FUCK YAHHHHHH.

Withdrawal symptoms which is something I haven't taken into account. Because gaming is not like smoking which has a lot of help for it. Maybe I could go to one of the smoking/drinking addiction locations and go through their program.

So in my current state; the pleasure of gaming isn't really here. So I should be able to quit very easily as i've done it many times at this state. The difficult part is not gaming after my withdrawal symptoms come in. The withdrawel symptom is all the sacrifices I have to make. I realize that video game is a crutch. If I don't suffer through all that. There will be no way for me to achieve my highest potential. I'm gonna fail school; I'm not gonna work hard at any job. I'm gonna have to give up more than half my life to work a job that may not even be there due to robots while sucking all the energy out of me for the entire day. All the sacrifices I make are most likely temporary.

I think after that I should be able to quit gaming. After experiencing homelessness. Or I can quit now. While the effects of gaming haven't taken over my entire life.

summary

I chose life over video games. Get ready for the withdrawel symptoms. It's worth it; you'll be able to experience more of life. Your future won't be bleak.

Edited June 27, 2019 by Proactive

[Proactive]

TAKING BREAKS WHILE LEARNINg

Taking breaks while learning is important. It is almost as important as the studying itself if we are talking about long term studying. So i'mma contemplate it for a bit. As well as use this as a break for my studying. So I'm just gonna go straight into how to take a break.

The purpose of a break is to refresh your mind. To change your perspective so that you don't get tunnel vision. It is also to replenish your energy. So if you are stuck on a problem the solution is to think about it really hard. Then take a break; get a new perspective. Go again. In other words, distract yourself; and use a different part of your mind to allow the part of your mind you were using before to take a break.

So if it is problem solving based. Go read something; go imagine something. If it is memory based. Go do some problem solving. So maximum efficiency would be to do 2 tasks going for hte same purpose and use them as breaks for each other.

It more efficient to operate at 100% for 3 hours a day. Then to work at 50% for 6 hours. Rather than focusing on hours. I will focus on intensity. Over a minimum hours per day. Which i'll make it 3 hours a day minimum.

When does one one know how long their break should be? 

Depends on how efficient their break taking strategy is; but essentially until 2 things occur. Your perspective has shifted + you feel refreshed.

When i'm in a building that has nothing really interesting in it. My breaks will be worse. So what I could do is go outside. Pop in some new music. Walk through lots of oxygen.

Edit - So I did today was I changed my environment like 3 times in a couple of hours. This was a good idea and I plan on continuing with it.

Quick contemplation about values

I guess i'm not really too clear about my life purpose.

I wanna be free. I also wanna explore things. However in this society; if you want to be free. You need money. In order to get money you must give something to society. This is not exploring. But it is freedom

However if you want to explore; honestly it is possible but really hard to get the chance to explore. The research you conduct is sort of exploring; except you don't reallly get to choose what it is. So that's exploration without freedom.There are obviously cases where there are both. But they are rare.

 

Edited June 28, 2019 by Proactive