Rejected!!

[Grylls]

So recently, almost couple of months ago I started to have strong feeling for this girl I met at school. I finally got the balls to ask her out and she agreed to go out on couple of dates with me. We had an amazing connection and I felt that I was forsure going to make this girl my girlfriend. However, one day out of the blue, she comes to me and says "I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend". I felt soooo heartbroken and even though it's been couple of months, I still think of her and wonder what she is doing:( I try to focus on other things such as my goals in life! But She always seems to creep into my thought's. Does anyone have any tip to put this girl in the past and move on?? 

 

[Nick]

Have more options with other girls. Eventually you'll forget the girl, plus you will have less and less craving for girls in general 

[Dylan Jon]

To ignore feelings is tough, so I would not recommend it. Accept you still have feelings for her, but that you are NOT dependent on her. For me realizing that, that was the ultimate key. What you could do is not talking to her, because if you do, you still will create that dependency. 

Working out helps a lot, and try socializing with friends, do fun/crazy stuff. The world is yours man.. 

[Grylls]

15 minutes ago, Dylan Jon said:

To ignore feelings is tough, so I would not recommend it. Accept you still have feelings for her, but that you are NOT dependent on her. For me realizing that, that was the ultimate key. What you could do is not talking to her, because if you do, you still will create that dependency. 

Working out helps a lot, and try socializing with friends, do fun/crazy stuff. The world is yours man.. 

I seriously want to thank you sooo much!!:) all the best to you!!

[clytaemnestra]

Watch Leo's video about exes, I forgot the title.

Your free time and energy put into something useful that makes you grow (like taking care of your body so you attract more girls, reading so you get a confidence because inteligence is sexy and so on) and when you outgrow her, you wont want to be with her, because then you will be a better person and tend to achieve someone who is at higher lever than the level she was at. That worked for me, after two years relationship break-up, I transformed despair into positive energy and now I am better person that I was and I want a better guy than the one I had.

[Gavalanche]

First of all, congrats on having the balls to step up and ask the girl out. Many guys don't even get that far. It sounds like you might have been a good match, but were perhaps just at different points in your life - maybe she was feeling about her ex, the way you feel about her now?

I agree with the point mentioned above about not talking to her and I'd add that you should delete her from your social networks. Also, Leo has a good video about dealing with strong negative emotions, which I would recommend. I actually used to the technique he describes, to help process some lingering emotions from a previous relationship of mine.

Aside from that, I'd just echo the sentiments mentioned elsewhere: continue to work on yourself, meet new girls and you'll probably find someone you like even more. The old girl might even start to try and reconnect once she sees you killin' it. By then, you might not even care. Good luck man

[Gavalanche]

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Edited February 8, 2016 by Gavalanche
Don't know how to add quotes properly :/

[Leo Gura]

Fastest way to get over one-itis is to find a new girl. Use your current loneliness as fuel to pursue the next girl.

[marting]

1. It could be a shit test. Girls do it (usually unconsciously) to see how you react under pressure and how strong your character is. In this case a confident guy would have said "Yes sure, I understand. I sometimes have feelings for my ex-girlfriends." A not so confident guy would not quite know what to do with it and let it take over his mind.

2. Maybe she has feelings for her ex-boyfriend. As a man you need to be able to process rejection. It doesn't need to be pleasant and something to look forward to but it cannot get you to a state where it stops you from doing what you want in life.

Since she went on a few dates with you in my opinion it is probably no 1. To fix this you need to go through this process many times. They say that an acrobat who falls off a tight rope needs to go back and try immediately otherwise he will never be able to do it again because of the fear that builds up.

[Natasha]

It's not rejection, it's selection. So like Leo said, practice your 'abundance' mentality. 

[NEW11]

I somehow disagree with Leo. I mean I do agree that the fastest way to get over a girl is to find a new one, but this is not the best way. Think of it like this, you are hurt, you've been hurt even before meeting this girl but you didn't know it. Now you want to patch your wound with this girl, but this girl refuses. Finding another girl is like finding another patch for your wound. But the patches won't help, they will not really heal the wound.

Your wound is born out of egoism (I know this because I've seen it in me and in others), you want this girl for you because of some reason. When you altruisticly want another person, you give them freedom to leave whenever they want and you don't feel attached to them. You can love without attachment. 

Go for the long-term solution, find happiness within yourself, see that you need nobody to make you happy. If you want to get a quick insight in that, just sit down and realise how these emotions are hindering your progress. When I see something that hurts my progress I drop it. Realise that it is not the girl who made you feel this way, but your own mindset. My ideal is this type of mindset: "I will work for myself and harvest my own results and if someone wants to join my life and tag along she is welcome to stay for how long she wants." When you have that mindset you will start to see other people's feelings and you will care for them. When you see other people's feelings you understand more easily why they do certain things and you don't get hurt, you don't take it personally, and you don't become attached. But you have to genuineley, altruisticly care for them.

And if you keep on with your work, your life will move on and you will get results and one time maybe you'll get a girl you'll like who'll want to tag along. When you get that you can decide wether you want her in your life or not. You have to decide from a "want" perspective, not from a "need" perspective.

I accomplished this mindset after much trouble, and I hope I can shortcut the trip for you. I admit I am not fully there yet. Good luck to you!

Edited February 8, 2016 by NEW11

[Zack]

Replying with "masculine compassion"

@Grylls

Will you let one rejection affect you like that? By looking at the capitalized title of your post I was expecting a complex and sad story about countless rejections, not a single and meaningless case.

Get your shit together before worrying about "finding the right girl". By how much a single rejection is affecting you, I think you should work on your personal development first.

Grow above that rejection and keep moving forward. There is countless girls that are better for you than a "confused still liking the ex", which would probably end up in a dysfunctional relationship.

17 minutes ago, NEW11 said:

Go for the long-term solution, find happiness within yourself, see that you need nobody to make you happy.

Edited February 8, 2016 by Zack

[Rares]

I think every guy passed trough this kind of events. And its very  hard to move on when you still have feelings for her, but you must understand  that it is the only way. Ignore that feelings and do the right thing. TAKE CONTROL

Here are a few tips that I use when I was in a situation like this and helped me to move on:

1.  No contact! Try as much as you can not to meet her, see her, talk with her!

2. When she appears in your head shift to something else. School, home works, count ships, something else than her.

3. Do shits. Meet with your friends and have fun, involve in some projects at school, meet new people, play video games,...do something that takes your mind out from her.

4. Meet other girls. Its painful to meet other girls when you love yours. There is a hole in your heart  right now. As the hole was created by a girl the hole can be filled by a girl. This is the easy way to move on, believe me

 

 

So, @Grylls , go out there, meet other women, work on yourself and be what you are meant to be. Be a fucking man!

Edited February 8, 2016 by Rares

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Zack said:

Replying with "masculine compassion"

@Grylls

Will you let one rejection affect you like that?

Well honestly, I can relate, and it fucking hurts. Most of the time because you have this HUGE mind story about how the girl is special, how great both of you could be together and so on and so forth. Of course once that collapses you're left with quite some trauma.

It might be insignificant, but it can FEEL very real and painfull.

Aside from getting more girls and getting more attractive, and of course cutlivating abundance, I would recommend watching some teal swan about upset, trauma, learning self-love, etc.

[Sleepwalker]

As I can see, you've already got quite good advice on this topic, but I'd like to add something that may help you even more.

Firstly, I disagree with the attitude that you should avoid thinking of her and distract your thoughts whenever she comes into your mind. Instead of running away from the negative emotions and thoughts, why don't face them straight ahead? Of course, easier said than done, but what I really mean by "facing emotions" is accepting that you feel shitty about this situation and NOT resisting it by distracting yourself with other girls, gym, friends, etc.

And pls don't understand me wrong, I agree with the previous advice up to a point, you should be socializing and meeting new girls. But please, before you move your focus onto smth of those things, first make sure that you've gone through that pain of rejection, that you really felt it and lived it  The problem here is that you don't want to feel the way you feel about this, you think that you shouldn't still have feelings for her, do you? And this is exactly why she's still "coming back" in your mind to bite you in the ass  because you don't want to go through this pain. you have to realize that it is ok to feel that way and that you can allow yourself to be vulnerable. we have all been through this and can relate to this. And after you've gone through the negative emotion and intentionally felt it with all your being, you're mind naturally becomes ok with the situation and moves onto smth new without you having to exhaust your energy and your nerves to control it. 

I know that this advice may sound suspicious to most of you who are reading this, because almost nobody usually talks about it. But please don't dismiss me. I promise you that this is the key. I highly recommend watching Leo's "How to deal with strong negative emotions" video for more information on this.  I feel so much more stabile since I'm using this technique and it solved so much emotional problems for me..

Leo, if you are reading this, God bless you and your work  You've helped so much folks out there.