trip report: settlement in oneness removes the difference between god and the devotee

[phoenix666]

there is no path, but I'd be a fool to not walk it. this is it, this is what I've always wanted: oneness. this is what I've always been looking for, since I can remember the thought of 'I'. all my suffering stems from feeling separated, isolated, from the illusion of not being part of it all, but of being a separate entity. it means that my cells contain a long forgotten memory of truth: they've always known deep inside that unity is where we all came from. oneness is where we belong to. and where we merge back into. but we don't have to wait until we physically die.. we can die before we die. in fact, that's the purpose of being here, the purpose of life is to expand our consciousness. to merge back into oneness and to create a bridge between being everything and being 'I'

that's how we can radiate love, live intensely, with awareness, with compassion. just by being and merging with unity consciousness again and again we can see through the illusion of separation. we can see god in everything and thereby awaken truth in everything. that's actually the way I can help others, by working on myself, by going inwards.

that's what I've always been trying to do all along: I've always felt something missing in me. my vision was always clouded by a layer of suffering and the most horrible thing was that I didn't know where that suffering came from. my parents always accused me of being so 'existential'. my dad suffers from recurrent episodes of depression. as a kid I picked that up and just assumed that he passed it on to me. but today I know there is a reason for my suffering: separation.

I've always attempted to 'escape myself'. I wanted nothing more than to be freed from my mind for even a little bit. to forget myself, loose myself. to merge with something bigger than 'I'. to escape that horrifying condition of being incomplete. that's why I loved to lose myself in fantasies... I dived into being someone else to escape. that's why I wanted to be drunk: to reach another state of consciousness where I don't exist anymore. (today I know that alcohol is regressive and the idea is repulsive to me) that's what I've been looking for all along in love, sex and relationships: connection, unity, oneness 

being someone is to not be everything. being an 'I' is to be separate from god. but even that is illusion. because even that is god. in fact, there is nothing that is not god. if something exists, it must be part of the absolute too. 

I want to build a bridge between 'I' and the absolute. I want to merge with unity consciousness again and again. feel it's healing energy flowing through me. I love that feeling of love expanding in infinite directions. and holy moly...it's infinite. ego lives in scarcity... but there is actually no limit, no end to god's love. so soothing. in oneness I feel whole, I feel perfect as I am. like everything else i perfect as it is. there is light and love in every cell, in every being. everything is holy and here to be embraced and loved 

I've also finally, finally forgiven myself for that thing....the thing that has seemingly ruined my life. the thing that caused all that shame and guilt and self hatred. it wasn't my fault. I didn't want that to happen and I couldn't have prevented it. at that time it was easier to think that it was all my fault than the scary idea of having no control over life. but today I know there is no control, I know that everything is here to help me grow. 

it feels so good to release all that guilt. I feel so light. more complete. more in flow. maybe I can finally begin to love myself <3

love is infinite and there is enough for everyone. and everyone deserves infinite love <3

Edited March 29, 2019 by phoenix666

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

I've also finally, finally forgiven myself for that thing....the thing that has seemingly ruined my life. the thing that caused all that shame and guilt and self hatred. it wasn't my fault. I didn't want that to happen and I couldn't have prevented it. at that time it was easier to think that it was all my fault than the scary idea of having no control over live. but today I know there is no control, I know that everything is here to help me grow. 

Do you feel like that thing is exactly what brought you to this place? It's perfect, isn't it?

I'm so happy for you.

Edited March 29, 2019 by tsuki

[phoenix666]

10 hours ago, tsuki said:

Do you feel like that thing is exactly what brought you to this place? It's perfect, isn't it?

I'm so happy for you.

Oh yeah, that‘s exactly what I feel. The thing that almost ruined my life was also my salvation. Without all that suffering I wouldn‘t be on this path today <3 I‘m actually grateful 

 

thanks a lot Tsuki  May you be blessed <3

[Lynnel]

@phoenix666

On a more practical note, could you mention the substance & dosage ?

So happy for you

I still have so much to discover ! Thank you for sharing this with yourself I guess ahah !

[Nahm]

@phoenix666 Congrats. ♥️??

[phoenix666]

On 19. April 2019 at 0:39 PM, Lynnel said:

@phoenix666

On a more practical note, could you mention the substance & dosage ?

So happy for you

I still have so much to discover ! Thank you for sharing this with yourself I guess ahah !

of course, it was 1g of dried psilocybe cubensis  

thanks Lynnel! yeah, I just realized how much I miss to share stuff with myself here on the forum... so here I am again after quite some time

thanks for your love and warmth as always, dear @Nahm <3

[zeroISinfinity]

On 29.3.2019. at 6:55 AM, phoenix666 said:

there is no path, but I'd be a fool to not walk it. this is it, this is what I've always wanted: oneness. this is what I've always been looking for, since I can remember the thought of 'I'. all my suffering stems from feeling separated, isolated, from the illusion of not being part of it all, but of being a separate entity. it means that my cells contain a long forgotten memory of truth: they've always known deep inside that unity is where we all came from. oneness is where we belong to. and where we merge back into. but we don't have to wait until we physically die.. we can die before we die. in fact, that's the purpose of being here, the purpose of life is to expand our consciousness. to merge back into oneness and to create a bridge between being everything and being 'I'

that's how we can radiate love, live intensely, with awareness, with compassion. just by being and merging with unity consciousness again and again we can see through the illusion of separation. we can see god in everything and thereby awaken truth in everything. that's actually the way I can help others, by working on myself, by going inwards.

that's what I've always been trying to do all along: I've always felt something missing in me. my vision was always clouded by a layer of suffering and the most horrible thing was that I didn't know where that suffering came from. my parents always accused me of being so 'existential'. my dad suffers from recurrent episodes of depression. as a kid I picked that up and just assumed that he passed it on to me. but today I know there is a reason for my suffering: separation.

I've always attempted to 'escape myself'. I wanted nothing more than to be freed from my mind for even a little bit. to forget myself, loose myself. to merge with something bigger than 'I'. to escape that horrifying condition of being incomplete. that's why I loved to lose myself in fantasies... I dived into being someone else to escape. that's why I wanted to be drunk: to reach another state of consciousness where I don't exist anymore. (today I know that alcohol is regressive and the idea is repulsive to me) that's what I've been looking for all along in love, sex and relationships: connection, unity, oneness 

being someone is to not be everything. being an 'I' is to be separate from god. but even that is illusion. because even that is god. in fact, there is nothing that is not god. if something exists, it must be part of the absolute too. 

I want to build a bridge between 'I' and the absolute. I want to merge with unity consciousness again and again. feel it's healing energy flowing through me. I love that feeling of love expanding in infinite directions. and holy moly...it's infinite. ego lives in scarcity... but there is actually no limit, no end to god's love. so soothing. in oneness I feel whole, I feel perfect as I am. like everything else i perfect as it is. there is light and love in every cell, in every being. everything is holy and here to be embraced and loved 

I've also finally, finally forgiven myself for that thing....the thing that has seemingly ruined my life. the thing that caused all that shame and guilt and self hatred. it wasn't my fault. I didn't want that to happen and I couldn't have prevented it. at that time it was easier to think that it was all my fault than the scary idea of having no control over life. but today I know there is no control, I know that everything is here to help me grow. 

it feels so good to release all that guilt. I feel so light. more complete. more in flow. maybe I can finally begin to love myself <3

love is infinite and there is enough for everyone. and everyone deserves infinite love <3

It's perfect isn't. Everything and everyone perfect you are perfect. Really happy for you. ❤️

 

[phoenix666]

3 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

It's perfect isn't. Everything and everyone perfect you are perfect. Really happy for you. ❤️

 

to the right eyes, it really is <3 thanks for reminding me. you're perfect <3

[Lynnel]

8 hours ago, phoenix666 said:

of course, it was 1g of dried psilocybe cubensis

What, you're getting so deep on  such a little dose ?

I'm assuming you've had previous experiences with 5-meo or something ? Or 10 years of intense yoga ? x)

[phoenix666]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

What, you're getting so deep on  such a little dose ?

I'm assuming you've had previous experiences with 5-meo or something ? Or 10 years of intense yoga ? x)

hihi, I was surprised too ^^ the shrooms were super, super dry and I think that flush was very potent (I usually don't get that deep with 1g) 

no, I'm still curiously waiting for my first 5-meo experience (I may be a little inpatient there ) but I've had several experiences with shrooms and AL-LAD, one with DMT and one extremely intense, life changing awakening with mother aya. I guess that all builds up. I've also been doing Kriya Yoga for the past year and daily meditation for the past 2-3 years. thanks for reminding me of how much my path has already unfolded <3