How to deal with feeling disrespected?

[d0ornokey]

I have this thing where I constantly feel disrespected by people, but oftentimes it was just in my head. It gets me angry, irritated and i can go on and ruminage for hours. To the point where i just create really poor mental inages where all i see is them disrespecting me. I remember i had a friend that i felt was disrespecting me for months, he was baffled when i confronted him about it and said he would never do somerhing like that. So i concluded that it was probably just in my head. 

However this time feels a little different. I have this one friend who i genuinely feels is disrespecting me. 

For example, i said, "today is the first day of spring" 

And my friend was like "i asked my mom and she said it wasnt today and i laughed and thought of course pranay wouldnt know". Implying as if im an idiot or the likes. He constantly makes comments like this, if i do something he pertains as 'silly' i would get called silly/a goofus/clown. Usually i do such things out of anxiety, not out of low intelligence, but i feel as though im treated aa low intelligence when i make a mistake like, trip over a curb or drop my banana. I feel as though i cant make any mistakes, for fear of being scoffed at for being silly. 

"Of course you would"

"Ohh.. you clown"

"Ehh i dont know about that"

"He believes everything he hears" 

"Hahaha did you really just do that?" 

 

I feel extremely disrespected. I do notice though that he does treat someone else like this but i feel really hurt and feel like shit, especially when someome has such a poor mental image of me. Ive noticed that beliefs of others will become a reality for themselves and ive been really trying lately to prove to myself that im not stupid. Ive never felt like this before 

One problem ive been having lately is ive been taking little things extremely seriously and blowing them out of proportion. Constantly feeling like people are trying to hurt me or disrespect me. 

I do want to be nuanced though a and not jump to any conclusions. I dont want to be the guy that constantly has to ask for reassurance for every little thing. 

[Omni]

You've projected all of this, Whether or not someone is legitimately disrespecting or not, it IS all in your head. The questions you should ask is "who cares? why does it matter?"

It doesn't, it's your ego thinking there is some value in looking silly or being 'talked down to' or whatever the fuck it is that offends you. Wanna know how to counter-act it? Deliberately make yourself the joke, make it so that you beat anyone to the punch when it comes to "being silly" This doesn't validate their potential opinions, it gives you the power. Right now you're choosing to not be silly because of XYZ.

If you can take a joke, an insult, a statement that is intentionally trying to put you down and NOT react. What would that look like? How empowering would that feel?

if you want to be nuanced enough to not jump to any conclusions; let's start the practice here and now: Go fuck yourself.

Choose what you want to do with that or how to respond, but remember whether or not you conscious choose or subconsciously choose, it's YOUR choice.

 

 

 

[JohnnyBravo]

Respect yourself. Have so much respect, care, acknowledgment, cherish for yourself. Be your friend, never abuse yourself.

Never talk down on yourself.

Never convince yourself you are worthless or less than. You are good enough.

Once you have this quality of self-respect, when you see another person attempting to humiliate you, you will feel sorry for them. They will humiliate themselves.

Do not focus on the other. Respect yourself. If you need to slap someone in the face, then go ahead and do so when the moment call for it.

If you go and hurt a cat, the cat will run away. If the cat cannot run away, it will bite/claw you JUST for you to learn your lesson of self-respect. Someone that does not respect other people has no regard for themselves.

Your friend is lost.

But your job is to find yourself, respect yourself, know you are SO SIGNIFICANT and YOU MATTER. You need to be allowed to make mistakes, not be perfect, because none of that changes the fact you are a cherished, beautiful moment of God in human unique form. When you know this, you cannot do anything BUT worship yourself.

*****DO not fall into the trap of needing your friend to see you a different way. Don't need him to see you different self-image.

Whilst it Is tempting, your goal needs to be to love and respect and like yourself.

And yes, if he was to make such a comment to me on the first day of spring, and if he is so insistent that you are "lacking intelligence", then I would say, "If I am so stupid as you claim to know, then I don't understand why you have desire to remain a friend with a fool like me?"

"Oh I was just joking, lighten up. You need to stop being so serious and cant you take a joke?"

"No, I cannot take jokes like this. I am being honest with you and telling you that my being does not laugh at this. If I need to stop being so serious, you need to stop being so insisting. Either accept me for who I am, with all of my characteristics, or I will help you find a new friend for you to mock. And because I do not believe in an eye for an eye, I refuse to mock you back, I refuse to go against myself."

A saynasin has so much self-respect for himself/herself. You can define sayasin as, "Someone who will never go against themselves."

BEWARE the line between playful laughter and jokes/humour. Jokes and humour are dark weapons to kill people. Did you know the word "sarcasm" draws the word root from the phrase,

To scar someone permanently for life.

 

The FIRST 2 COMMANDMENTS of Jordan Peterson in 12-Rules-For Life:

1. Take self-respect, and wear it all the time. You matter. Own it (stand up straight with your shoulders back)

2. You are worthy, you matter. Care for yourself, be gentle with yourself- you owe it to yourself to respect yourself (take care of yourself like it is a really, really serious thing).

Edited March 28, 2019 by JohnnyBravo

[Rachityczny]

I think you need to express your anger in a healthy way- this applies both to justified and unjustified anger. When you fully express your anger, your resentment towards a person for saying or doing something, you allow yourself to feel it and it disappears. I strongly recommend "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton, especially the chapter about dealing with anger. That chapter will give you the full perspective on this thing, and give you a specific set of actions to take in order to deal with your problem, including a very important conversation with your friend who does or doesn't make you feel disrespected on purpose.

You can say to yourself countless times you are worth a lot, you can work on your self-respect and your petty side will still send you negative thoughts and unhealthy perspective. You either express anger and become free of it, or let it stay in you, making you bad-tempered. Anger is very often petty, selfish and is always being expressed, and indirect expression of it is the true problem.

Edited March 28, 2019 by Rachityczny

[Gabriel Antonio]

First off, people who pick on others are deep down insecure individuals... They want to humiliate others in order to feel better about themselves. 

Second, you probably have had many many experiences in the past where you felt disrespected, and this adds up into a snowball effect. 

Well, there are other things I could say to you, but you probably already know, such as taking yourself less seriously, finding people who remind you who you truly are, etc. 

[Aeris]

On 28/03/2019 at 6:54 AM, JohnnyBravo said:

Respect yourself. Have so much respect, care, acknowledgment, cherish for yourself. Be your friend, never abuse yourself.

Never talk down on yourself.

Never convince yourself you are worthless or less than. You are good enough.

Once you have this quality of self-respect, when you see another person attempting to humiliate you, you will feel sorry for them. They will humiliate themselves.

Do not focus on the other. Respect yourself. If you need to slap someone in the face, then go ahead and do so when the moment call for it.

If you go and hurt a cat, the cat will run away. If the cat cannot run away, it will bite/claw you JUST for you to learn your lesson of self-respect. Someone that does not respect other people has no regard for themselves.

Your friend is lost.

But your job is to find yourself, respect yourself, know you are SO SIGNIFICANT and YOU MATTER. You need to be allowed to make mistakes, not be perfect, because none of that changes the fact you are a cherished, beautiful moment of God in human unique form. When you know this, you cannot do anything BUT worship yourself.

*****DO not fall into the trap of needing your friend to see you a different way. Don't need him to see you different self-image.

Whilst it Is tempting, your goal needs to be to love and respect and like yourself.

And yes, if he was to make such a comment to me on the first day of spring, and if he is so insistent that you are "lacking intelligence", then I would say, "If I am so stupid as you claim to know, then I don't understand why you have desire to remain a friend with a fool like me?"

"Oh I was just joking, lighten up. You need to stop being so serious and cant you take a joke?"

"No, I cannot take jokes like this. I am being honest with you and telling you that my being does not laugh at this. If I need to stop being so serious, you need to stop being so insisting. Either accept me for who I am, with all of my characteristics, or I will help you find a new friend for you to mock. And because I do not believe in an eye for an eye, I refuse to mock you back, I refuse to go against myself."

A saynasin has so much self-respect for himself/herself. You can define sayasin as, "Someone who will never go against themselves."

BEWARE the line between playful laughter and jokes/humour. Jokes and humour are dark weapons to kill people. Did you know the word "sarcasm" draws the word root from the phrase,

To scar someone permanently for life.

 

The FIRST 2 COMMANDMENTS of Jordan Peterson in 12-Rules-For Life:

1. Take self-respect, and wear it all the time. You matter. Own it (stand up straight with your shoulders back)

2. You are worthy, you matter. Care for yourself, be gentle with yourself- you owe it to yourself to respect yourself (take care of yourself like it is a really, really serious thing).

Good answers. But now even my Friends are killed if necessary.