Thinking of her automatically makes me cry and I dissociate

[sirprize111]

I loved her too much, she loves me but we physically lost each other ( not death, just no contact). I also caused her to suddenly stop going to college in her 3rd year due to negativity. I didn't want that to happen. Now we lost each other and simply thinking of her or any reminder of her automatically makes me cry. After a short time, I dissociate and suddenly stop feeling anything. I guess it's really that deep and upsetting that my body shuts the emotions out. I don't know what to do. I feel so overwhelmed for no reason and tend to go numb. What do I do? I can avoid everything related to her or repeatedly face the emotions, go numb/dissociate and repeat this cycle in hopes I can exhaust the negative feelings? I'm thinking of getting professional help, who helps with this? I can't stop loving her, it's too deep. I almost can't be in her past workplace or think of her without my body automatically going cry mode. How to deal with this?

[Nahm]

@sirprize111 You’re misunderstanding the sensations. The truth is, you are enough. This experience, just being you, is enough. The strength you’re experiencing, related to her, is gonna pass so just hang in there. You were vulnerable in loving her so much, so unabashedly. Where you went wrong, somewhere along the line, and probably because you’re young - was in thinking you need her to feel that love. Your sensations are yelling to you “You don’t need her, you want her!”  Talk to her, or don’t, cry it out, or don’t, it’s ok. You’re not supposed to know everything. You can forgive yourself for all of it. The minute you accept that you are enough, that all that love was in you the whole time, and still is - you will feel some relief, and that is the beginning healing.