I just want to hide

[Joseph Maynor]

Give us some examples of the toxicity and abusiveness of your boyfriend.  The more examples you give, the better the feedback you're gonna get from us.  

Edited April 11, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Flatworld Crusades]

On 27 March 2019 at 8:17 AM, breathe582 said:

I'm a 19-year-old female currently living in a state of depression, lack of motivation, addiction to nicotine, and a reliance on a toxic person I recently removed from my life. 

I recently broke up with my "toxic" boyfriend (23) of 1 year 1/2 about 3 weeks ago. It was a decision I was working up towards for months. I had given most of my time to him, even though it was usually verbally abusive and spirit-crushing. Everyone told me I could do better - I had lost sight of my spirit for life in this relationship, and found it was best to leave and live on my own in the college dorms. 

 

I have personal experience with 2 separate abusive relationship totalling 7 years. I'm finally recovered and am no longer a victim to their manipulation and evil ways. For you, 1 1/2 years of being verbally abused is more than enough time for him to take control of you. This includes a fear of abandonment where you are almost frantic at the thought of loosing him, hence I guess the reason you are waiting for him doing not much, all you can think of is him  These guys are quite frequently narcissistic and we fall in love with their charisma and they way love us especially at first. It's almost impossible to leave regardless of the verbal taunts and insults because we are in love with their fantastic persona. We become totally manipulated and control without seeing it happen. 

I'd suggest you will need to leave him, you can't live with verbal abuse long term. These situations can be humiliating so maybe see a domestic violence therapist in confidence. Best wishes