needing a group to belong to

[Marinus]

I finished my internship and now I broke up with girlfriend (2 months ago) who is in the same class as me. My internship was hard, but I felt happier then when I was in a relationship. Now I have classes again and I feel so down when being around my peers. It feels so painful and I get very self aware. I feel alone, I feel as a stranger (I'm the only international student), I feel like not belonging there. My education also feels very stage orange. 

This issue goes way back to my elementary school. +- at age 8 I did have no friends in my own class. Instead my friends were one year younger then me and a class lower. I had no friends in my first year of high school.  At 14 years old I got a great friend, but since we didn't go to the same class anymore we grew apart. I also feel like I developed a lot (actualizing)  and he didn't which makes it difficult to find common ground. 

Since starting pick up I notice my social skills to evolve, but I still feel disconnected from people. It feels like fighting an army alone, with no one to watch my back. In the end of the journey the hero tells about his tales, but who is there to listen to my story?

This inner blockage is so strong, I think I have a problem with giving and receiving love.  People need groups to survive,. Something in me feels like dying when I see groups of students at school. A big problem is also meeting the right people. I know students, one wants to convert me to Islam and the other isn't reliable if we go hang out. Also the pick up dudes aren't really friends, but more allies.

I honestly don't know how to get friends. The ones I have I bonded with them over time and all of them are some sort of outcast like me. I don't want to die prematurely, because I lack strong relationships in life. 

Are there people here with similar stories? How did you evolve?

[zambize]

I remember maybe a couple of months ago I was feeling particularly lonely during an acid trip, I was laying in my bed crying a bit or at least had tears in my eyes.  Then kind of a motherly ethereal entity came and tucked me in so to say, let me know everything was alright, gave me a bit more love and left.  On one had I felt so grateful for this love I had received, and on the other it was never about that.  I wanted someone by my side in life, not someone to come cavalier into my life for 30 seconds just to show me what I was missing out on.  But at the same time, I really did appreciate the love she gave me.  The loneliness for me went away largely after I was done tripping, and I have friends I can talk to all of this about if I need, so I don't really have any right to lecture you on loneliness, my environment is just different.  I would say there have been periods of my life where I wasn't super social and didn't have a lot of good friends right in front of me, but I'm happy I didn't take up bad friends during that time as a band aid fix. Don't let weeds grow in your garden, they'll take up room for all the flowers you want.  Also you're definitely not against the world, you at least have this community, which at times can be a huge pain in the ass, but a lot of people genuinely care.  Wish you the best

[Marinus]

@zambize Thank you. You are right having friends just to fix me is not a smart move.

[Elisabeth]

If your university offers a therapeutic / support group for international students, go there. It will help you get experience with connection.

[Marinus]

@Elisabeth unfortunately we don't have that. I'm considering psychological help. Currently I'm very goal oriented that also helps a lot. Btw I am going to meet self actualizers in Belgium next Friday, so that's the best support group I can have .

Edited March 31, 2019 by Marinus

[Elisabeth]

6 minutes ago, Marinus said:

@ElisabethBtw I am going to meet self actualizers in Belgium next Friday, so that's the best support group I can have .

2

Yup  Elia sent me a message about wanting to set it up  So glad it'll work out for you guys. 

[bejapuskas]

@Marinus  You cannot grow without mistakes. Maybe you need to transcend pick-up, as it is making you attached to people.

[Marinus]

@bejapuskas that time will come, but not right now. I'm just starting with pick up, I haven't experienced an insight to transcend it. Also pick up makes me feel less attached right now. It's more that I feel like an alien in my college.

I know I need mistakes, but I do experience fear of failure which sucks. I do see my overall growth improving, so things will work out naturally if I keep on track I think.

[Nahm]

@Marinus You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Do not wish it away  (suffering). Find the barriers you have put in place, see you’ve been creating all along.