Some of my last years experience on this

[BKH]

I was quite the gym nut, I had a girlfriend who was really amazing in many ways, but I broke up with her. It didn't get me anywhere with girls/women, and in retrospect, it would have been cooler if we could have evolved our relationship further.

BUT! Reading some comments from other people on these forums on how they 'missed a chance' etc, I want to state one important deep insight point from the truest enlightenment experiences I've had: Nothing is actually ever lost! And it cannot be. That is how infinite reality is! So it is always, always, always, completely and utterly pointless to regret and feel down about anything of the past. The sense of something lost generates the lack in the now which attracts the same experience again.

Now, back to the gym and working out, I still think being fit is great, but I've completely let go of the obsession of it. I'm currently focused on animal rights activism. I find it something really meaningful where I can engage with people, regardless of where they come from, gender, age etc. It is a curious play, I observe how all of us are carrying a TON of prejudices, but when we are focused on the common cause it goes away.

These last years I've come to see how any person.
- Can be crazy hot or ugly depending on such small little changes, both how they appear and from how we think about them. For example think about the huge difference between someone dressed up for going out, and how they look the morning after if they have drunk too much. The mind can be disgusted or attracted, or both or neither by either of these states! This was actually something I understood very long ago, now that I think about it.
- Everyone is capable of being really good and kindhearted, and also really cruel and thoughtless, but nowadays it is mostly in thought and speech. Keeping this in mind has helped me to be really forgiving. I still encourage speaking your mind when you notice something cruel.
- When we objectify others by judging looks etc, we automatically objectify ourselves. I used to judge this a lot, but have realized that this is actually completely fine, as long as we can still have good laugh and a sense of humor about it! I even let go of my obsession with no-fap the other day, because I found it is just so silly to be locked into endless thought trains! Good habits are still good habits, but loving life can be done anyways and always! Reality has no strict rules other than those we choose to accept/create!

Exploring these contrasts have helped me immensely in letting go of obsessing over goals in a way that hinders them from being realized.
Just like many, I would love to be with a really hot girl, especially someone I can fall in love with and who can fall in love with me, who is on the same wavelength on what is really important for the future of our planet. But at the same time, I see that this is actually anyone! Any person can be that good and attractive! Still, the mind has its prejudices, and I've come to terms with carrying those around myself too. I've seen that it is so easy when I just stop thinking so hard that just because someone is a girl and is hot she wouldn't really want to be with me. The 'tactic' is simple, just love everyone around you including yourself, in a really forgiving way, and realize that you are being an unjust and selfish bastard by holding yourself back from interacting with people. Noone is in control. No one has the ultimate truth, but everything at the same time is IT. It feels so freaking good to just smile and speak from the heart no matter if I'm with others or alone, no matter the circumstances. And when I can't smile, I'm just feeling fine with myself anyway, letting myself feel angry or sad if I feel sad or angry, knowing that reality has my back because I have reality's back. This makes so much sense from a spiritual point of view too, everyone and everything actually is ourselves!

To give an example from my life, just this night I was at a casual potluck party with friends of the cause I'm involved in, and one of the girls is definitely really attractive to me. We were watching a movie and she had to go earlier to meet with some other friends of her. As she was leaving she began hugging the people on the sofa behind me. Before, I used to be anxious and stand up to make sure I got a hug. Now I realized, this is so unnecessary and just puts people off by creating tension. Instead, I just relaxed and didn't even look where she was going. She came by and we shared a really warm hug. I knew I could have gone with her at that moment too for a while, maybe even convinced her to not go to her friends, and it would have been great. And either way is always fine. The mind is so obsessed with the binary options, one option good, one option bad. Reality is not that way! Instead, she went and surely influenced her friends in some positive way.
I stayed without regrets and helped the guy who hosted the party to clean a bit extra, since I saw his apartment was messy and I know he works really hard waking up very early every morning, and helping him a bit extra will make him perform better for our common cause. This leads to a third point: There's really no hurry to have that hot sex! But this also means, it can be at any time, it doesn't need to be put as a goal of some sort!
So, counter-intuitively, be less selective with people in terms of who they are, but still be selective in what matters deeply. In my case, it is changing the lives of everyone on the planet for the better through activism for animal rights. I know the girl I met this weekend has her heart set like this too, and so many more people around the world are coming to these insights; we humans have abused the world for too long. Looking at spiral dynamics It might seem we are just shifting into stage green. Indeed we are, but by recognizing animal rights worldwide and ending speciesism we can integrate later stages too because religion and spirituality have also been made out to be only about humans. The ultimate truths will then be more easily realized globally, such that there are no actual things, no divisions of subject/object or actual causality inherent to reality etc.

I know this post is a bit all over the place, but that's just how I am too.

[flowboy]

Very insightful! Interestingly, it took a breakup with an amazing girl for me as well to get out of the mindset of considering events either good or bad!

Seems like you have great momentum with your development!

Bookmarked.

[NoSelfSelf]

@flowboy How can amazing girl make life more rich for both of the partners(idk how to form it i hope you undrtstand)?

[flowboy]

@NoSelfSelf Sorry, how do you mean?

[NoSelfSelf]

@flowboy Whats amazing about having amazing girl?

[theking00]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@flowboy Whats amazing about having amazing girl?

Can you be happy without having a girlfriend? 

[NoSelfSelf]

@theking00 no i cant i need her shes the best thing shes precious she gives me life and a meaning ?