"Shakiness" approach anxiety theory.

[JohnnyBravo]

Jordan Peterson has an idea that if you are not feeling fully aligned with something, then the result is one feels a weakness about them. A dis-integration or splitting of themselves happens internally. The result is discomfortable psychological feeling.

For anyone that says "I have approach anxiety."

Please understand you have AA for a real reason. Its not cause youre defective, or a wimp, or because of some invented tribe days biological theory. Its simpler than that.

Lets examine 4 quick scenarios. You tell me which scenario you feel the most uncomfortable in.

1. Youre driving along. You have noticed someone has broken down their car. They look distressed and confused. Maybe they need help. You pull over and have the intent to ask them if they need help; maybe their phone has no battery.

2. A little 3 year old boy is crying and looking lost in a train station. He is yelling "Mommy where are you?" Over and over. No adult so far is offering to help him. Do you feel approach anxiety to look for a police officer and help this boy?

3. An old high school friend you havent seen for 10 years, you identify across the room at a dinner party. You were great friends in highschool but lost touch for some reason. Do you feel anxiety with the thought of walking over and smiling and saying hello?

4. A 14 year old high school girl has dropped all her books waiting for a bus. A lot of books. You are right next to her. Do you feel weird helping her?

5. A homeless looking junkie tall muscular man eyes you from across the road and begins to fastly eye you down and approach you. He looks mad and high and angry. You have the choice to run/dash away- does this choice make you feel nervous? Or would you prefer to stay and face whatever may happen.

6. Old pensioner trying to cross the road. How do you feel?

7. See 2 girls you are attracted to, you are pressuing yourself (for some reason) to interrupt their day and say "SCUSE ME GUYS I HAVE AN OPINION???" Hopefully you can "fuck" both of them. These girls look 19. Do you feel anxious talking to them?

8. A really, really, really drunk hot girl is passing out outside the nightclub. Her other girlfriends are making fun of her, but you notice she looks a bit seriously unwell and in need of medical attention. Do you feel nervous bending down, checking her pulse and seeing if an ambulance is to be called?

[universe]

Get to your point!

[flowboy]

Jordan talks about saying things that make him feel weak. In the context that he didn't even notice it for all his life until he started philosophizing about it. That's how subtle that weakness is. You have to learn to notice it.

That's not at all the same as anxiety. Your argument is invalid.

 

Furthermore, the difference between the scenario you apparently have a crusade against, and all the others you named, is the possibility of rejection. It's not rocket science.

Is your belief that everything where you risk rejection is wrong?

Edited March 25, 2019 by flowboy

[JohnnyBravo]

Whoops forgot to finish this!

Point is: when one feels aligned doing something, there is no anxiety or doubt.

My argument is this: approach anxiety manifests because one is not in alignment with the idea to approach those girls/girls that way with that intent.

So how to never get approach anxiety again?

Wrong question.

Re-frame is to, when one feels approach anxiety DO NOT APPROACH THE GIRLS.

Something inside you feels off about it. Doesnt matter why. But there must be a reason.

One must check approach anxiety is not a genuine spark of extiement to talk to someone you want.

Most of the time for me, it was because i didnt believe in what i was doing. Pickup up girls. It didn't fit with my values and thats why i felt nervous.

Thats what i meant with peterson. Yes he talks in context of speaking, but i extend it to everything in life.

If you feel 'off' about something, you need to pay attention.

If approach anxiety was as innocent as some mild nervousness, then there wouldnt be so much literature and discussion around it; it would just be seen as a non-item. It would have as much relevance as knowing that when you first jump into a pool of water expect to feel a bit cold for a while till you aclimitise. 

But AA is one of the biggest topics in pickup. Its probably the largest discussed item, so, why so much discussion around it. I argue it is because AA is a way more important higher issue than people want to admit.

AA will happen when a guys Higher Self does not align with his choice: talk to THAT particular woman.

AA is a blessing. Listen to it. Obey it. Dont go against it.

Its like trying to make me a criminal. I want to learn to rob people at gun point, but I feel nervous about the idea. Is it called "robbers anxiety?"

Oh, you get over it. You just get anxious so you need to warm up on some people before you mug someone you really want to mug. You must learn and practise to desensitize yourself enough to make robbing feel easy so you get good at it. All good robbers learn to depgramme that feeling out of them. That way you can be a skilled robber.

This is what AA is. One doesnt vibe with their decision to talk to a girl. Its usually their intent on talking to the girl that is messed up.

Its a theory. You can publically disagree or you can read the words and gain an insight into this 2 years from now.

Because.....not every girl one gets anxious about. Right? Because it feels in alignment with your being/Life. Always do things that feel fluid.

Edited March 25, 2019 by JohnnyBravo

[flowboy]

50 minutes ago, JohnnyBravo said:

Because.....not every girl one gets anxious about. Right? Because it feels in alignment with your being/Life. Always do things that feel fluid.

On the contrary. The more sure you are that a girl is 'right' for you, the higher anxiety would be. The pressure to not fuck it up. A rejection would mean more,

50 minutes ago, JohnnyBravo said:

Re-frame is to, when one feels approach anxiety DO NOT APPROACH THE GIRLS.

Something inside you feels off about it. Doesnt matter why. But there must be a reason.

Basically your argument is that fear is there for a reason so take it seriously. Alright, let's go tell agoraphobics to stay inside then, because the outside is actually more dangerous! (Jordan Peterson talks about this too)

Sorry, I don't buy this. I think the opposite is true. And I don't think this is what JP means at all, but I can't speak for him.

[jerrypua]

@flowboy I agree with you.

There is always going to be fear for the unknown, we just have to do it with fear that's it. Same as business, you will have some fear to lose the money that you're investing but that's the risk you're taking to be free and do whatever you want.

What you're saying is right, if some guy is with a beautiful girl he's gonna have some anxiety and fear to not fuck it up, that's why I feel totally and calm and relaxed when I'm not trying to get something out of it, sometimes I just enjoy the moment and I'm grateful for being with her and I know that if she disappears from my life I don't care because I'm not attached to her, that feels so good because I don't need her. Women can sense that, when you don't need her.

Fear is just a sensation in your body, no more, if you let it go and accept it totally and as it is it will disappear. I learned this from the book 'Letting go's from David Hawkins, a book that changed my life and I'm still doing its practices.

Also, Aproach anxiety can be just the fear of not being a pain in the ass and interrupt the conversation to some strangers, but if you know you can bring positivity and instead of trying to get something out of them, just give, give good emotions, when I'm aligned with this, I feel that my approaches are so much better and genuine and I don't feel too much AA.

[JohnnyBravo]

Part 2

Let us continue.

(and yes, this is within the idea of AA)
 

I want you to imagine a time in your life where you stole something. When you were a thief. But I want you to take a time when you regretted stealing something, or felt guilty afterwards, or felt you did something wrong. Maybe it was a pen at work. Maybe you stole some money or cheated someone and managed to get away with it. Or maybe you took more than your share and felt so. Have you stolen a car? Or something valuable to someone else but felt you needed it more? Or maybe you were given too much change at the store, and they accidentally gave you a $20 bill but you said nothing, so you lied by omission. It is important you pick a time when you stole something, and you felt BAD afterwards or guilty.

Just focus on one specific item. You don't have to share this with me or anyone else, just think to a time when you STOLE something and you felt bad afterwards.

Ok.

Now, I want you to think to a time when you WANTED to STEAL something- and had the opportunity- but you decided to not. You stopped yourself from stealing something, when the opportunity was so available and the reward/gain you would have gotten would have noticeably benefited you. Use your memory; when was a time in your life where you wanted to take something, and it was easy to do so, and you also secretly wanted to, but you STOPPED yourself and walked away. It needs to be an example when you wanted to steal, and you didn't, and after your opportunity was gone, you regretted that you didn't steal the thing and missed your chance.

An example of mine? There was one time I found $40 in a shopping mall on the floor. I handed the money into the reception staff and said I found this. But I secretly wanted it and I actually resented giving it away. But I rationalised that, "Well, I am doing some good karma so that is all that matters. I am being a good boy doing this." And I actually NEEDED the money in my life at the time regardless, and I thought about it all day and a week later because that $40 could have made my week so much easier and effortless.

So think of a time when you wanted to steal something, but you didn't, and afterwards you felt BAD.

Ok, think of your own memory.

Now, let us go deeper in comprehension. Stay with me because this is such a key to AA.

In the opportunity when you STOLE something, and the opportunity when you DIDNT steal something but wanted to...….both of these scenarios are the SAME SCENARIO.

They are both of equal evil. But not morality evil, and not because of the subject of ethics. We are not here to discuss ethics or morality, but it is important that I mention a societal morale subject for comprehension (if I used a non-morale subject, I would not deliver well on conveying my point and you wouldn't understand my theory on AA properly).

--

The reason it is the same scenario is because you are divided. Part of you wants to steal, part of you doesn't want to steal.

Part of you didn't steal, but then another part of you really wanted to steal.

It is WIN/LOSE in both situations for yourself. If you steal something, you feel guilty. If you don't steal something, you still feel guilty in a different way. It is losing situation in both of these examples.

If you decided to steal something, and if you FULLY ALIGN with your decision, and you do not divide yourself, if you FULLY BELIEVE and buy-into your stealing, then you are not a thief (even if you technically are). You are HONEST. You are not split with yourself, you are 100% aligned with your choice. Thus if you steal, you will not feel guilty or remorse. You will feel clean, you feel good and powerful and in respect of yourself because you are TOTAL.

Now, if you decide to not steal something? ALIGN TOTALLY with the choice. If you cannot align, and you miss the opportunity, then it doesn't matter if you missed it. It doesn't matter if you stole it, or didn't steal it, you are WRONG in this choice. Because you are divided.

There is only one sin in life- doing things from a spirit of non-unity and being divided and split.

If you have approach anxiety, what I saying is you are divided.

It doesn't matter if you ignore your AA and muscle through it. It doesn't matter even if you open the set, and the girl likes you, and you get along well. The fact that you did it DIVIDED is the sin.

And you know what? If you have AA, and you also choose to NOT APPROACH the girl, you are still divided! You will regret it! You will beat yourself up and talk down to yourself.

If you have AA, you are already lost. You are already in the losing situation. PLEASE DO NOT THINK I AM TALKING ABOUT SUCCESS WITH WOMEN and dry pickup content. What I referring to is a big life principle, and yes it does apply to pickup in AA, but it applies everywhere.

And yes, one of the best places to practise this life principle IS in pickup and talking to girls.

So JohhnyBravo, enough of your woo woo, how is that supposed to help me?

Let us continue.

You have heard of the 3 second rule invented by Mystery? You make a COMMITMENT to yourself, prior to going out, that "If I see a woman I like, I have VOWED to approach her within 3 seconds."

Please notice the phrase, it is not a trick. It is not a 3 second idea. It is not because of some theoretical understanding.

It is a RULE!!!! A RULE TO NOT BE BROKEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE OR SITUATION!

It is a COMMANDMENT! 'The 3 second rule' is a COMMANDMENT!!! Thou shalt not avoid the approach ever. Thou hast decided to approach.

You have already made a pre-set decision ahead of time to approach. Hence the beautifulness of canned openers. A canned opener is not designed to manipute the woman, it is meant to aid yourself to fulfil your commandment of the 3 second rule.

The 3 second rule is beautiful, because, you are NON DIVIDED.

Practical exercises for you that actualy do pickup and not just talk about it:

1. Go to a bar or club with lots of people. Vow to yourself, you will NOT TALK to any single woman at all. You will NOT approach any single woman at all, under no conditions. You will open NO girl. You will NOT open guys with girls in the set. You will not secretly hope a woman approaches you. If you do this, you will not feel any AA. Do this exercise purely to know what it feels like to be non-divided.

2. If you have the chance to steal something; align with your choice. Don't think right/wrong. Think FULLY IN or FULLY OUT. If you steal something, steal it. If you decide to not, fully align with your choice. As Musashi would advise, never regret anything you do in life ever. The only way you can fulfil this is to never be divided. Be ONE UNITY.

3. Approach a woman, and vow to not hit on her. Vow to be indirect, vow to deliberately pussy-foot around the real content you want to discuss.

4. Make it a rule to not ask for phone numbers or social media details if you go out for a period of time. You will way better.

5. Make it a RULE to ask every single woman for their phone number, even if the set goes wrong. Make that, in a sense, your opener.

6. Make it a rule to dance in the club for 30 minutes non-stop. Set a timer on your phone with a vibrator in your pocket. Go. Fully dance, don't ever half-in half-out.

I hope this helps get to the heart of approach anxiety, and for men to appreciate that AA is not just something to be dismissed cheaply or theorised cheaply about and just rationalised as something insignificant.

AA is massive because it is pointing to an INNER ISSUE not an issue with talking to girls.

If one experiences AA often, that is a sign they are generally an indecisive person with life and is always at a tug of war within their own being. It is a kind of schizophrenia. And will benefit greatly by aligning with themselves and listening to their inner being. Do not contend with yourself.

Edited March 29, 2019 by JohnnyBravo

[anthony_sh1]

I think that what Peterson says about integrity, it's not related to the feeling of anxiety, it's like a feeling of dissapointment of yourself, because you know, by your own personal values, that you're not honoring them, you're not doing or did something that you know you're should be doing, so you feel that "split". if you make a commitment that you should approach girls, you will still feeling AA, but it doesn't matter what you feel, fear, anxiety, sadness, whatever, you know that is worth it, that you made a commitment to yourself

Edited April 2, 2019 by anthony_sh1
...