Death Experience Report

[Hugo Ferraro]

I have still not mastered english, so I´m sorry for the "bad writing".

Before Sleeping

Last night, I´ve spent hours and hours on a antropology research I´m doing to college, which made me exhausted and think it would be better to sleep right after I´ve finished it. With that, I skipped my "nightly" meditation and contemplative stretching,  and, as usual, talked to my girlfriend, said good night and jumped right onto bed, quickly falling asleep.

Dream

I dreamt I was at home with my girlfriend. We were just chilling out in the front of my house. Suddenly, the phone rings... It already had a misterious feeling in the air before I could pick it up, but it got stronger when I answered and a kind of a spooky short 8bit melody played on it´s speaker mode, so my girlfriend heard it... My body was tense already... We looked at each other and she seemed to have understood the significance of that, she said: "They´re coming". Somehow, after she said that, I understood too. It was a signal of some people coming over our house to murder us. So, quickly, I started madly acting, but I don´t know why the fuck my reaction was to turn out the lights of the house. Maybe it was to pretend there´s no one home, maybe to hide and seek with the murderer(s), I really don´t know. It made perfect sense at the moment.

While I was turning the lights out, my girlfriend went to catch our cat in the front door and got a few feet out of our house, so I lost sight of her. Still, while turning the lights out like a mad man, I heard a car rapidly parking at our front door, so I looked over from where I was standing and I´ve had a glance of a man getting out of the car vigourously, and holding a gun... I went to catch a knife, praying the he wouldn´t make my girlfriend a target, since she was out of the house, and they were, supposedely, focusing on who´s in the house. Then... while catching a knife , two shots were fired outside. Quickly, and without a proper reaction, I closed myself in the closest room, and I was certain: my girlfriend was dead.

My world crashed...The person I love most, and that loved me the most, in my whole life, was dead, probably viscerally lying on the street, like an insignificant object. Her sweet body transfigurated... adulterated by a fucking stranger... My existence was gradually, and fastly, getting dettached of any meaning, while I knew my time was briefly coming too. I looked at my own existence in the now, knowing that the enjoyment of the existence of her love and her touch would never be materialized again in it. It was forever finished, like a bad joke. Indignant, I considered another life, where I could see her again, a "reincarnation" of awareness, occasionally experiencing another "Hugo"(my name), which has identical destiny - to meet her again. It couldn´t be it. This couldn´t be what the universe has causally conspired. But, sadly, it was.

All this emotional process happened in an instant. I was groundless. Confronting awareness and existence as a dead being. Nothing mattered anymore.

After some seconds, I just wanted to die, so I kind of skipped the dream timeline to the moment I´d die in it.

Waking up

 I was still immersed in the dream emotion when I woke up, but I was alert like I´ve never been before, looking at the ceiling, still confronting existence. I felt I was dead, although the experience was still happening. It was like I was there, but, at the same time, I was not. No thoughts at all were coming up, and I´ve never experienced such stillness of mind, which, honestly, was kind of scary. I thought I´ve acessed mental stillness before, but, after experiencing this, NO. This was certainly the only and first time I´ve had real mental stillness. My body was effortlessly static. All I could do was to "confront" existence, and not even that, since I wasn´t doing anything, it was happening effortlessly.

I could still feel the limits of my body and skin, but they no longer seemed to be the real limits, like it always would be. It was like I was in a much bigger, although empty, experience, and the borders of my body was a fraction of its "length". In another way, the body borders was not the end road of the spacial awareness, it was kind of a midway. I can´t seem to explain it any better.

Tears drop out of my eyes. My heart was madly fast, as I  was astonished with what was now. In a few moments, my mind started to manifest again, and I interpreted the experience as, maybe, enlightenment happening, or some degree of it. So I tryied to focus even more, consciously, looking at it as a opportunity to awakening. Sadly, the experience was vanished in a few minutes. And I was left with a huge fear emotion in my body, although there was no specific object of fear, it was just fear. 

I don´t know what that was, but if it was some facet of enlightenment, it was not liberating. It was, in some degree, scary. Empty empty. Maybe the huge negative emotions of the dream distorted the experience, I don´t know. What I know is, I can recall the scene, but I can´t recall the experience, forcefully. When I try, it kinda feels like "I can get into it" again, but it won´t. 

Thank you for taking your time to read it. What do you guys think of it?

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

First of all, no need to apologize for your English. It's fine. 

Regarding the dream, it must've been very scary. Maybe you had it because you are going through stress... What do you think you had this dream? What do you think is its meaning?

56 minutes ago, Hugo Ferraro said:

I´ve never experienced such stillness of mind

I think you were in alpha state. 

[SoonHei]

4 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

you were in alpha state. 

What's that?@Gabriel Antonio

[Gabriel Antonio]

17 hours ago, SoonHei said:

What's that?@Gabriel Antonio

Brain waves. 

Alpha waves (8 to 12 Hz) are present when your brain is in an idling default-state typically created when you're daydreaming or consciously practicing mindfulness or meditation. Alpha waves can also be created by doing aerobic exercise. 

Beta waves (12-30 Hz) typically dominate our normal waking states of consciousness and occur when attention is directed towards cognitive and other tasks. Beta is a ‘fast’ wave activity that is present when we are alert, attentive, focused, and engaged in problem solving or decision making. Depression and anxiety have also been linked to beta waves because they can lead to "rut-like" thinking patterns. 

Gamma waves (25 to 100 Hz) typically hover around 40 Hz and are the fastest of the brain wave bandwiths. Gamma waves relate to simultaneous processing of information from different brain areas and have been associated with higher states of conscious perception.

Read more at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201504/alpha-brain-waves-boost-creativity-and-reduce-depression

[SoonHei]

@Gabriel Antonio oO. Cool. Thnx.