Mind Perfectionism / Categorizing

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Hi everyone, I feel very embarrassed writing about my actual inner problems because they are really absurd and foolish , but in the last time they really took possession over me , so I try to write about it.

I think they concern excessive perfectionism and mind categorization about everything . 

I can not enjoy the simplest things in the last time . I always want all the cake and never a portion. I explain better with examples.

If I read a book about nutrion or nature  (or any possible field) I get irritated because I want to know everything about the subject, I want a degree in it , I want a profession with it . My mind says " you are not a professor of botanic or nutrition  do not read this "  My mind want to maximise everything.

Or a walk in nature watching flowers " you are not a student of botanic so do not watch them"

A philospical discussion " you are not a philosopher you don't study philosophy so do not discuss"  

Listening to music " your life career is not concerned with music so why listen to it " 

Or meditation " you  are not a meditation teacher you can't meditate "

I can not study or read something for my self, I want always everything about it ,I'm not content with a portion . I do a thai chi course but I feel frustrated because I want to a have a super professional school where they teach all about it . 

This mechanism is invading a lot of things , also coocking. 

I do not know what to do . I know it is crazy and stupid 

Sorry for the English 

Edited March 22, 2019 by Giulio Bevilacqua

[Forestluv]

22 minutes ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

Or a walk in nature watching flowers " you are not a student of botanic so do not watch them"

Listening to music " your life career is not concerned with music so why listen to it " 

I know nothing about flowers. One day I was on a nature walk with a professor of botany. I was totally appreciating the beauty of the plants and flowers. I was free and had no restrictions. The botanist smiled at how I was interacting and loving the plants. He looked said to me - "Sometimes I wish I could experience plants like that again".

Another time I got into painting. Just acrylic on canvas. I know nothing about painting and have no skills. I just let go and let whatever arose flow through me. I thought the paintings probably sucked and I wish I could actually paint. Yet, those painting were like a diary of my life. One day a highly skilled artist friend came to my apartment. I mentioned the paintings and she wanted to see them. They were hidden away and I was embarrassed to show them to a real painter. Finally, I gave in and took them out. She saw them and paused. She genuinely appreciated them and I didn't know why. She said to me "I can't paint like that anymore." She then told me about all the years of painting classes. About how all the theory she learned and all the training to paint a certain way made it so she could no longer paint like me, someone who knows nothing". I'm sure she wouldn't trade all of her mastery and go back to the beginning. Yet there was defiantly a something there. Something special about being a novice.

The same thing happens to me. I watched a Nova documentary about embryonic and fetal development. My friend who knows nothing was in awe. I still appreciated the documentary, yet all these thoughts about how the video wasn't quite right kept coming up. There were a some terms that weren't accurate and they left out some key information about certain stages. As well, it would have been better if the focused more on neural crest cells during a particular stage of development. . . I looked at my friend and started laughing. I remember when I first started studying developmental biology and it was a wonderland. So fascinating. I didn't know anything about the "rules" or the "proper" way to explain it. I smiled and told her I remember when I experienced it like her yet I know longer can. My experience is still amazing and I wouldn't give up all my knowledge - it gives me a different type of appreciation and wonder - it's just different. I can no longer see it like I once did.

It's not about the level of knowledge. It's about the appreciation and connection to magnificence - to beauty. It's about the curiosity, intrigue, wonder, passion and love. And this is present at all stages. Anyone who tells you differently has not yet transcended knowledge.

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

9 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I know nothing about flowers. One day I was on a nature walk with a professor of botany. I was totally appreciating the beauty of the plants and flowers. I was free and had no restrictions. The botanist smiled at how I was interacting and loving the plants. He looked said to me - "Sometimes I wish I could experience plants like that again".

Another time I got into painting. Just acrylic on canvas. I know nothing about painting and have no skills. I just let go and let whatever arose flow through me. I thought the paintings probably sucked and I wish I could actually paint. Yet, those painting were like a diary of my life. One day a highly skilled artist friend came to my apartment. I mentioned the paintings and she wanted to see them. They were hidden away and I was embarrassed to show them to a real painter. Finally, I gave in and took them out. She saw them and paused. She genuinely appreciated them and I didn't know why. She said to me "I can't paint like that anymore." She then told me about all the years of painting classes. About how all the theory she learned and all the training to paint a certain way made it so she could no longer paint like me, someone who knows nothing". I'm sure she wouldn't trade all of her mastery and go back to the beginning. Yet there was defiantly a something there. Something special about being a novice.

The same thing happens to me. I watched a Nova documentary about embryonic and fetal development. My friend who knows nothing was in awe. I still appreciated the documentary, yet all these thoughts about how the video wasn't quite right kept coming up. There were a some terms that weren't accurate and they left out some key information about certain stages. As well, it would have been better if the focused more on neural crest cells during a particular stage of development. . . I looked at my friend and started laughing. I remember when I first started studying developmental biology and it was a wonderland. So fascinating. I didn't know anything about the "rules" or the "proper" way to explain it. I smiled and told her I remember when I experienced it like her yet I know longer can. My experience is still amazing and I wouldn't give up all my knowledge - it gives me a different type of appreciation and wonder - it's just different. I can no longer see it like I once did.

It's not about the level of knowledge. It's about the appreciation and connection to magnificence - to beauty. It's about the curiosity, intrigue, wonder, passion and love. And this is present at all stages. Anyone who tells you differently has not yet transcended knowledge.

I think we must learn to have the  famous  "Beginner Mind " 

[Zetxil]

2 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I know nothing about flowers. One day I was on a nature walk with a professor of botany. I was totally appreciating the beauty of the plants and flowers. I was free and had no restrictions. The botanist smiled at how I was interacting and loving the plants. He looked said to me - "Sometimes I wish I could experience plants like that again".

Another time I got into painting. Just acrylic on canvas. I know nothing about painting and have no skills. I just let go and let whatever arose flow through me. I thought the paintings probably sucked and I wish I could actually paint. Yet, those painting were like a diary of my life. One day a highly skilled artist friend came to my apartment. I mentioned the paintings and she wanted to see them. They were hidden away and I was embarrassed to show them to a real painter. Finally, I gave in and took them out. She saw them and paused. She genuinely appreciated them and I didn't know why. She said to me "I can't paint like that anymore." She then told me about all the years of painting classes. About how all the theory she learned and all the training to paint a certain way made it so she could no longer paint like me, someone who knows nothing". I'm sure she wouldn't trade all of her mastery and go back to the beginning. Yet there was defiantly a something there. Something special about being a novice.

The same thing happens to me. I watched a Nova documentary about embryonic and fetal development. My friend who knows nothing was in awe. I still appreciated the documentary, yet all these thoughts about how the video wasn't quite right kept coming up. There were a some terms that weren't accurate and they left out some key information about certain stages. As well, it would have been better if the focused more on neural crest cells during a particular stage of development. . . I looked at my friend and started laughing. I remember when I first started studying developmental biology and it was a wonderland. So fascinating. 

It's not about the level of knowledge. It's about the appreciation and connection to magnificence - to beauty. It's about the curiosity, intrigue, wonder, passion and love. And this is present at all stages. Anyone who tells you differently has not yet transcended knowledge.

@Serotoninluv Very eloquently put! 

I will be a little more blunt about it!

The more you learn about something the more complex it gets. There is no end to that conundrum. A flower is only complicated when one tries to explain it to someone else! It has this part, this part, and that part. These parts can be broken down indefinitely.

To be able to experience something in its entirety is more what I find myself searching for! It is combination of knowing something and knowing what you don't know about it, all the while still appreciating it for what it is! 

@Giulio Bevilacqua The way you feel is not crazy, it is how we all feel! Whether we chose to be aware of this feeling is another story for another day! Curiosity is what drives innovation. Don't just bury that part, but integrate it properly along with your other emotions!

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

8 minutes ago, Zetxil said:

@Serotoninluv Very eloquently put! 

I will be a little more blunt about it!

The more you learn about something the more complex it gets. There is no end to that conundrum. A flower is only complicated when one tries to explain it to someone else! It has this part, this part, and that part. These parts can be broken down indefinitely.

To be able to experience something in its entirety is more what I find myself searching for! It is combination of knowing something and knowing what you don't know about it, all the while still appreciating it for what it is! 

@Giulio Bevilacqua The way you feel is not crazy, it is how we all feel! Whether we chose to be aware of this feeling is another story for another day! Curiosity is what drives innovation. Don't just bury that part, but integrate it properly along with your other emotions!

Thank you very much for this comment.