How to get over guilt?

[SoonHei]

you do something wrong... someone is hurt because of you... you can accept and get over it but you know the other person is hurting...

it's also harder when you know that you knew better than to do that... but you stepped into unconsciousness in that moment and now someone is paying the price.

[Raphael]

Accept the guilt and your mistakes and plan to have a conversation with the other person.

[Rustymachine]

I have read "not nice" by Aziz Gazipura, and he talk about healty guild and unhealty guilt. healty gult is guild where you indeed do something bad and you might want to do proper action, for eksample say sorry to that person and really mean it. Unhealty guild can accour if you simply think you did something bad but actually its all in your head, because you self image is programmed to always be nice. Remember you are a human like everybody else, and we do mistakes. This kind of guilt goes away when you label is at such, as an illusjion of your programming of your past, maybe a parent told you to be nice countless times, and it simly wont disapper of itself . Dont forget to bereath, you know when its unhealty guild when the egos judges yourself and you hear the voice with no end, or when you feel it in your heart that you need to right a wrong you did. Good luck!

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, SoonHei said:

it's also harder when you know that you knew better than to do that... but you stepped into unconsciousness in that moment and now someone is paying the price.

@SoonHei It's not that someone is paying the price. Both of you are paying it.
The other person is hurt, but you feel guilty. That's being hurt too!

You can't relieve the other person's suffering, so why not focus on your own?
It's a part of the bargain, right? You caused that too! Clean that up. Let go.
It's not just to suffer eye for an eye. This way, you're both blind, and at least one of you could be healthy.

[SoonHei]

thank you all

yes... take it from lion king. you can either run from the past or learn from it  <3

[Truth Addict]

@SoonHei

No self, no problem.

Realise that free will is an illusion, you'll become free from all guilt instantaneously.

[Zetxil]

1 hour ago, Truth Addict said:

@SoonHei

No self, no problem.

Realise that free will is an illusion, you'll become free from all guilt instantaneously.

@Truth Addict That is truely quite the claim seeing as he isn't free of guilt already, can you prove that free will is non-existant?

@SoonHei you'll find as you go through this life that if you confront something there may be a large amount of short-term emotion and long-term bliss! They key is to confront it of your own accord and to not be forced into it or let it supprise you! If you read and understand the story of Abraham in the bible (first story that popped into my head attacking this concept) this idea will become an evident motif in plenty of other writings and experiences! 

[ajasatya]

@SoonHei the best thing that you can do is talk to the person and acknowledge your mistake. but it only works if you feel deeply sorry and does not expect forgiveness. acknowledging your mistake is already enough.

[Truth Addict]

25 minutes ago, Zetxil said:

@Truth Addict That is truely quite the claim seeing as he isn't free of guilt already, can you prove that free will is non-existant?

@SoonHei

I've already proven it to myself, and you can too.

Free will is no more than a thought, remove the thought and see the reality as it is in the present moment.

When one realises that they never had a choice, all guilt, fear, blame, hate, conflict, shame, sadness, depression, despair, etc... (negative emotions) will be gone, it might take time though to remove all of them.

Surrendering happens when you realise that nobody is/was/ever will be in control. And therefore, no more suffering.

Edited March 22, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Zetxil]

20 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

I've already proven it to myself, and you can too.

Free will is no more than a thought, remove the thought and see the reality as it is in the present moment.

When one realises that they never had a choice, all guilt, fear, blame, hate, conflict, shame, sadness, depression, despair, etc... (negative emotions) will be gone, it might take time though to remove all of them.

Surrendering happens when you realise that nobody is/was/ever will be in control. And therefore, no more suffering.

If you proved it to yourself doesnt that intern mean you had control? ?

Thoughts make up free will, free will is a concept composed of thoughts, and thoughts are concepts composed of words. Words are just a clumsy form of expression of one's own free will. 

Why would someone want to remove the experience of an emotion, negative or positive? That is a very limiting thing to do to yourself ?

Surrendering happens when you put up a white flag in war and wave it around. 

You seem to be expressing a singular truth but not completing it to entirety. To say that control is out of the picture entirely only restricts the outcome.

Please don't just recite other's ideas without first having come up with your own. Dialogue becomes boring if you simply recite and don't add your personal spice

[JohnnyBravo]

Ask yourself the question, 

"Why am I choosing to remain in this shame? What is the payoff to staying in this spot?"

If I choose shame.....then I don't feel good about who I am......then I don't feel like worthy to go out tonight with my friends.....then I get to feel comfortable.....then I don't have to face up to things......then I don't get to be my confident self the world needs....I remain in a closed box.....I feel worse....I turn to the bottle.

Ego loves shame. It loves to marinate in it, so check yourself to see if there is a naughty temptation to do this.

Above was just an example.

[Commodent]

@Rustymachine True, in my opinion guilt is often a call for action.

If it's to awkward to bring it up and apologize, just be extra kind to the person next time you meet him, maybe even blatantly so. So that he understands that you have no ill intentions

[Truth Addict]

6 hours ago, Zetxil said:

If you proved it to yourself doesnt that intern mean you had control? ?

Thoughts make up free will, free will is a concept composed of thoughts, and thoughts are concepts composed of words. Words are just a clumsy form of expression of one's own free will.

No, it doesn't mean that, but the thought likes to say so.

There's no point in arguing with me about it, it's a very simple truth, and I can't lie to myself. Verification is now on your part.

6 hours ago, Zetxil said:

Why would someone want to remove the experience of an emotion, negative or positive? That is a very limiting thing to do to yourself ?

Ask the author of this thread.

6 hours ago, Zetxil said:

Surrendering happens when you put up a white flag in war and wave it around. 

You seem to be expressing a singular truth but not completing it to entirety. To say that control is out of the picture entirely only restricts the outcome.

You seem to not know what you're talking about, whether serious or sarcastic.

6 hours ago, Zetxil said:

Please don't just recite other's ideas without first having come up with your own. Dialogue becomes boring if you simply recite and don't add your personal spice

You're right, this is an issue I'm working on, I'm not like that in real life, it's just that English is my second language and I find myself lacking better expressions.

But that doesn't mean I haven't come up with my ideas genuinely. Most of my posts are ideas that I've realised for myself.

Thank you for your positive criticism, I'd appreciate it if you add anything else 

Edited March 23, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Zetxil]

@Truth Addict

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

There's no point in arguing with me about it, it's a very simple truth, and I can't lie to myself. Verification is now on your part.

Eureka!   You still haven't thought of your thoughts objectively yet. Verifications are found on either side of the conversation, that seems to be why we converse....Thinking from solely one side seems to grow complacence in development

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Ask the author of this thread.

I wasn't asking the author of this thread... I already said my thoughts to them because I have lived through what was described and was connecting with the author. My question was directed at you! 

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

You seem to not know what you're talking about, whether serious or sarcastic.

The flag part was sarcastic in my statement. It is a little strange that I have to explain things to you, but I can continue. And sure lets figure out where our communications aren't getting through? What part would you like me to explain. for me it is like this, I find you think this is a one sided conversation where you truly know all and I present myself to find common ground in our respective thoughts! Who knows, maybe we can find something more from both sides (of the conversation) to be expressed more truly as a whole "entity" <-- (not really a fan of that wording, what would you use?)

4 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

You're right, this is an issue I'm working on, I'm not like that in real life, it's just that English is my second language and I find myself lacking better expressions.

But that doesn't mean I haven't come up with my ideas genuinely. Most of my posts are ideas that I've realized for myself.

Thank you for your positive criticism, I'd appreciate it if you add anything else 

Oh so it may be a language gap! When words are expressed in certain ways they can convey different meaning based on a certain emotion and/or a recollection of a shared common past, so I can recommend you read some ancient myths in english a vast majority of english speakers connect with myths meanings or morals in interesting ways when they are brought up on conversation  

Let me know "where you think our trouble stands!"<-(metaphor for when you want to convey that you have expressed your concerns on the shared confusion and now would like to know what the other side thinks, in having a conversation/sharing of thoughts!) 

How long have you been learning english? It can be challenging to learn another language only over text! People generally have to speak face to face to subconsciously pick up on body-ques or facial movements over periods of conversation to help them have those underlying similar qualities that are unrecognizable until directed at. This must be done in order to understand expression, in all languages, and to better understand common expressions held by native speakers of a certain language. You can also try longer form answers, instead of simpler sentences! Try to push yourself in the expression of your vocabulary! Even if it is incorrect in some way, someone will be able to piece together what you are trying to say and help you get to what you want to express! (and hopefully even help you express your ideas slightly differently in the future so it can be understood by a wider audience<- the bigger your audience, the greater the chance of someone else understanding what you are trying express grows exponentially!) 

Also, I am glad you find my "criticism" positive! It wasn't intended to be criticism, however, to me it was more like stating what happens in interactions!

Edited March 23, 2019 by Zetxil

[okulele]

@SoonHei ask the question "How does this guilt feel in my body?" Observe the feeling until it's gone.

[Zetxil]

3 minutes ago, okulele said:

@SoonHei ask the question "How does this guilt feel in my body?" Observe the feeling until it's gone.

@okulele When you have more than one party involved, which in our case we do, clarity doesn't just come from within. It is evident, from a third person perspective, when one person has "reconciled" guilt and the other hasn't reconciled their own pain of whatever situation occurred. Interactions between those two people are different and can eventually come back into harmony through continued interaction; addressing the awkwardness tends to speed up the need for extra stress/energy to "go away"! Metaphor time: The elephant in the room seems to clear up faster if addressed which in turn causes more long term harmony/happiness.

It seems to be that the most productive situations occur when neither person has reconciled the situation and themselves, it is easier to find mutual ground and work forward together in a manner that is beneficial to all parties!

[Shadowraix]

Free will or no free will fundamentally point to the same thing. Which one you side with is based from which perspective you look at it from.

So its not really a big help. There's a careful balance to be played here. Where the balance line is depends a lot of on you.

[Truth Addict]

@Zetxil

As for the free will discussion:

I'm speaking on a different level, you think you have free will, and that's fine, I think I have free will as well (because superficially it seems so). But there's a difference between what I think (what looks like it) and what really is the case, and as I develop myself more, I am becoming more comfortable with dealing with paradox.

I never choose my thoughts in the first place. That's a fact.

In my experience, thoughts come out of nowhere, and I have zero control over them. If you experience something different please feel free share it with me.

Why would someone want to remove the experience of an emotion, positive or negative?

There's no reason ultimately. And yet, there's a desire to do it. The author of the post wants to remove the feeling of guilt, and I shared my experience on how I remove any kind of unwanted feelings.

As for your advice, thank you very much, I'll work as you suggested, I'll read some English myths and maybe some novels, I think my problem is a lack of vocabulary.

[Zetxil]

Hmmm, I'm not used to the "rules" of this format of communication, forums, entirely. So is it okay if we continue this discussion in this thread, or should it be moved to a separate thread. 

@Shadowraix @Truth Addict

15 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

Free will or no free will fundamentally point to the same thing. Which one you side with is based from which perspective you look at it from.

So its not really a big help. There's a careful balance to be played here. Where the balance line is depends a lot of on you.

What is that same fundamental thing? Be as specific and literal as possible in your response please! (as I am about to use your "balance line" as a tightrope metaphor) My stance, if you can call it that, is that free will does and doesn't exist and all iterations of such in-between also occur. The best way to budge someone's balance line is to come at them with the full force in the opposite direction with a little of their own idea, used to the extreme, mixed in! One perspective can become more than one perspective and so on and so forth! Also, when you notice there is only one perspective expressed by someone, it seems to be helpful to make them waver just enough to have them come face to face with the truth on their own accord, but to not push them off completely! 

[Shadowraix]

@Zetxil The balance line I didn't clarify much but you could apply it there. I meant in terms in how you handle how you make other people feel and how much you take regard for it. Balance between caring for others but not being a push over. 

But the same thing you speak of would be consciousness/void/nothing whatever you want to call it. You don't have free will as an ego and consciousness dictating it but at the same time you are the dictating consciousness so you do. It becomes as paradoxical as being separate but unified. Depends from which angle you look. 

I find a lot with every either or situation it comes down to both being true. Both being false. 

Edited March 23, 2019 by Shadowraix