Storytelling

[nistake]

I feel like the ability of proper storytelling is such a huge (yet somehow underrated) asset in the social game. I've got friends and colleagues who are great at it, and I've always sort of admired these people. Usually, everyone listens to them and everybody enjoys their stories even if that particular story is not that intriguing or funny. Not to mention, it's also really useful when it comes to attracting to girls.

I tried to learn it at some point but gave up rather quickly. I don't really have social anxiety or anything like that, but I've been always the shy and quiet one in the group. Sometimes when I've got a great story, I tell them and I watch their reactions. Usually, no one really laughs and they change the topic almost instantly. On the other hand if one of my friends, who are great at storytelling, tells an ordinary story with a witty punchline, everybody pays attention and laughs and even asks questions afterward.

I figured it was time for me to improve my storytelling skills, but I don't really know how.

Do you guys have any experiences, pratical guides, tips, videos, books on this subject?

[FredFred]

4 hours ago, nistake said:

I don't really have social anxiety or anything like that, but I've been always the shy and quiet one in the group.

Up to my 5th grade of high school I was always considered by others to be one of the nerd/geeky. It came from the fact that I always was hunched on my computer or playing videogames, etc. I mean, I liked it for couple years, but you get tired after a while. I wanted to change, but met the same fear as you encountered.

It's like this social "tag" has been there for so long that it became part of what I was. It's like I don't want to change because if I do, I lose a part of myself. Because if I lose a part of myself, I lose the balance that I have right now. Things will get weird for a while, I'll have to explain to everyone why I wanted to changed, people will look at me differently at school, parents won't have the same attitude towards me, I bet I'll be even more sad there than where I am now, why did I even think about trying in the first place, no, I won't do it.

I'm sure there was a version of this in your head back then haha. That's called homeostasis, you should try to learn about the subject, it's really cool. It'll help you in the future when you encounter other such blocages.

Remember, self-actualization is 10% theory, 90% practice. Practice, practice, practice, things will come easily in no time.  

[Truth Addict]

@nistake

It's mostly a leadership issue.

Search for how to become a leader.

[Forestluv]

@nistake I think charisma is a factor and a high level of social intelligence. Some people have a very high level of social intelligence and can connect in social groups. Not just with each other, but people in the group.

I think being aware and observing is really important. I would take emphasis off trying to figure it out intellectually and put more emphasis into increasing emotional and social intelligence. Less intellectual mode of being and more empathetic and intuitive modes of being. Being present and aware and flowing allows this to happen.

I've spent a lot of time trying to develop these skills, both personally and professionally. I just taught a class about cellular respiration. I turned it into a story about Uber drivers, airports, crowded elevators and more. I acted out the story as if certain molecules where Uber or Lyft drivers. I gave these molecules personalities. Lactic acid were passengers that turned sour because they missed their flight etc. I acted it out as if I was performing on stage. The students were engaged, laughing and totally get it. 

A few things I've learned.

1. Drop my self-need motivations and stop seeing myself as separate form the audience. Crappy storytellers have this self-need dynamic. I knew a guy that never stopped talking, people would try to leave politely and he kept going. He needed to hear himself talk. Another guy I knew told stories for attention. Others for validation or approval. Others to feel connected. My dad had this dynamic that he didn't feel part of the group. So he was always trying to interject and tell these long-winded stories that bored people. He was trying to fill a self-need of belonging and acceptance. Become aware of that and drop is all. It is all separation from group dynamics and introduces self-seeking energy that others pick up on - usually subconsciously. I've learned I can't have a personal seeking agenda.

2. Along with #1, drop the self identity and comparisons.  Stuff like "What would other people think?", "Why is he so much more popular than me?" are self-identity distractions.

3. The content of the story is important, yet so is how the story is told. Tone of voice, cadence, awareness of group dynamics. The deeper levels involve an empathetic social knowing and intuitive knowing. You can't try to deliver it a certain way. Another professor asked for one of my stories for his class. He tried to tell it like me and he flopped, big time. This type of flop happened to me over and over because I was trying to do something without the underlying empathetic social skills and intuitive skills. Development of these skills required me to go through #1 and #2 above.

4. When the dynamics of #1 and #2 are cleared, I started developing #3. At first, it was just observing other storytellers and getting a sense of the vibe. There is no personal self seeking here. It is pure observation. I started to pick up on energies between the storyteller and the audience. Yet it is not an intellectual analysis. It is more of a "getting it". I got a sense of the group dynamics with a poor speaker. I got a sense of group dynamics with a great speaker. A developed a deep appreciation for great storytellers. They were like wizards moving a magic wand. 

5. I started developing these skills as a storyteller. In particular in my classes. It wasn't about me anymore. It was about letting go and becoming part of the social consciousness. At first, I would just try a little bit with a keen awareness of the group energy. If things felt odd, the tendency is to double-down and force it and that makes it worse. I did not have the skills to steer the ship back on track. So just a little bit and observe, get a feel for it. For the social dynamics. Nonintellectual modes are super important. If I'm not in tune it and the group is not feeling it - I will not try to make it happen.

6. I just starts happening. Imagine storytelling is like a basketball game. When a player is in the flow, he is not thinking "If I don't make this three pointer, we will lose the game" or "That defensive player just shifted, so I should now pass the ball into the low post". No, the player in the flow is in a nonintellectual zone. He is in sync with his teammates. He has a high intuition for the game. Through practice and awareness he is empathetically connected and is intuitive system is highly operative. The highest skilled players intuitively know when to pass, dribble right, take a shot etc. 

7. When these dynamics start to become integrated, there is a genuine spontaneity that arises. It's not about me or you. It naturally arises. In this case enjoyment within the social group arises. That may arise through my mind-body, it may arise through Jack's mind-body. You may shoot a three-point story and miss or score. You may pass the ball to Jack and he may shoot a three-pointer and score. The social dynamic is one team. 

8. Improvisation is a big key imo. Becoming comfortable with being genuine. No personal needs or self seeking. No me vs. them. No I want this or that. No I have a story I'm gonna tell for attention. I have some theory. Today I walked into class with nothing. No notes, pen, paper. I didn't go in trying to be the "cool professor" or the "essentric professor". I wasn't looking to get validation or to get good student evaluations. I went in for the joy of a group experiencing groupness. I only had a vague idea of the story. I had trust in what will arise will arise. To just show up, improvise and go with the flow takes a very high level of mastery. Imagine an highly skilled jazz guitar musician. There is the basic structure of the jazz songs, yet he is in the flow with his other teammates and the audience. He can intuit and improvise. He is merged with the social consciousness. He is not trying to force  his own guitar solos.

So I just walked into class and said "I have no idea what story will arise today. A story will arise, yet who knows what the story will be?". And then a giggle and grin emerged from my mind-body. This got the attention of the whole class. The key is it was 100% authentic. I did not plan ahead thinking "What can I do to get the attention of my students? Ah yes, I have this opening line and then I have to giggle a certain way for 1 second and then hold a grin for 2 seconds". It just happened authentically and spontaneously. And then I just stood there. Blank. I literally had no idea what would come out of my mind-body next. This used to terrify me. Now it's a state of being. After a couple seconds the next thing was: "Right now I feel like I am a tour guide and we will go on a tour. Let's all hop on the bus and have some fun". Again, 100% authentic - I did not plan that. Once all the self need dynamics are removed there is a connection to the present moment. The energy and frequencies present. At that moment, that was the essence of that moment. My mind-body was in tune with it. Not because I so great, but because the "I" was removed. There was then a sense of togetherness like everyone did get on the bus. So I started the engine and off we went. . . 

 

[Sahil Pandit]

@nistake Great topic idea. 

 

[zambize]

44 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@nistake I think charisma is a factor and a high level of social intelligence. Some people have a very high level of social intelligence and can connect in social groups. Not just with each other, but people in the group.

I think being aware and observing is really important. I would take emphasis off trying to figure it out intellectually and put more emphasis into increasing emotional and social intelligence. Less intellectual mode of being and more empathetic and intuitive modes of being. Being present and aware and flowing allows this to happen.

I've spent a lot of time trying to develop these skills, both personally and professionally. I just taught a class about cellular respiration. I turned it into a story about Uber drivers, airports, crowded elevators and more. I acted out the story as if certain molecules where Uber or Lyft drivers. I gave these molecules personalities. Lactic acid were passengers that turned sour because they missed their flight etc. I acted it out as if I was performing on stage. The students were engaged, laughing and totally get it. 

A few things I've learned.

1. Drop my self-need motivations and stop seeing myself as separate form the audience. Crappy storytellers have this self-need dynamic. I knew a guy that never stopped talking, people would try to leave politely and he kept going. He needed to hear himself talk. Another guy I knew told stories for attention. Others for validation or approval. Others to feel connected. My dad had this dynamic that he didn't feel part of the group. So he was always trying to interject and tell these long-winded stories that bored people. He was trying to fill a self-need of belonging and acceptance. Become aware of that and drop is all. It is all separation from group dynamics and introduces self-seeking energy that others pick up on - usually subconsciously. I've learned I can't have a personal seeking agenda.

2. Along with #1, drop the self identity and comparisons.  Stuff like "What would other people think?", "Why is he so much more popular than me?" are self-identity distractions.

3. The content of the story is important, yet so is how the story is told. Tone of voice, cadence, awareness of group dynamics. The deeper levels involve an empathetic social knowing and intuitive knowing. You can't try to deliver it a certain way. Another professor asked for one of my stories for his class. He tried to tell it like me and he flopped, big time. This type of flop happened to me over and over because I was trying to do something without the underlying empathetic social skills and intuitive skills. Development of these skills required me to go through #1 and #2 above.

4. When the dynamics of #1 and #2 are cleared, I started developing #3. At first, it was just observing other storytellers and getting a sense of the vibe. There is no personal self seeking here. It is pure observation. I started to pick up on energies between the storyteller and the audience. Yet it is not an intellectual analysis. It is more of a "getting it". I got a sense of the group dynamics with a poor speaker. I got a sense of group dynamics with a great speaker. A developed a deep appreciation for great storytellers. They were like wizards moving a magic wand. 

5. I started developing these skills as a storyteller. In particular in my classes. It wasn't about me anymore. It was about letting go and becoming part of the social consciousness. At first, I would just try a little bit with a keen awareness of the group energy. If things felt odd, the tendency is to double-down and force it and that makes it worse. I did not have the skills to steer the ship back on track. So just a little bit and observe, get a feel for it. For the social dynamics. Nonintellectual modes are super important. If I'm not in tune it and the group is not feeling it - I will not try to make it happen.

6. I just starts happening. Imagine storytelling is like a basketball game. When a player is in the flow, he is not thinking "If I don't make this three pointer, we will lose the game" or "That defensive player just shifted, so I should now pass the ball into the low post". No, the player in the flow is in a nonintellectual zone. He is in sync with his teammates. He has a high intuition for the game. Through practice and awareness he is empathetically connected and is intuitive system is highly operative. The highest skilled players intuitively know when to pass, dribble right, take a shot etc. 

7. When these dynamics start to become integrated, there is a genuine spontaneity that arises. It's not about me or you. It naturally arises. In this case enjoyment within the social group arises. That may arise through my mind-body, it may arise through Jack's mind-body. You may shoot a three-point story and miss or score. You may pass the ball to Jack and he may shoot a three-pointer and score. The social dynamic is one team. 

8. Improvisation is a big key imo. Becoming comfortable with being genuine. No personal needs or self seeking. No me vs. them. No I want this or that. No I have a story I'm gonna tell for attention. I have some theory. Today I walked into class with nothing. No notes, pen, paper. I didn't go in trying to be the "cool professor" or the "essentric professor". I wasn't looking to get validation or to get good student evaluations. I went in for the joy of a group experiencing groupness. I only had a vague idea of the story. I had trust in what will arise will arise. To just show up, improvise and go with the flow takes a very high level of mastery. Imagine an highly skilled jazz guitar musician. There is the basic structure of the jazz songs, yet he is in the flow with his other teammates and the audience. He can intuit and improvise. He is merged with the social consciousness. He is not trying to force  his own guitar solos.

So I just walked into class and said "I have no idea what story will arise today. A story will arise, yet who knows what the story will be?". And then a giggle and grin emerged from my mind-body. This got the attention of the whole class. The key is it was 100% authentic. I did not plan ahead thinking "What can I do to get the attention of my students? Ah yes, I have this opening line and then I have to giggle a certain way for 1 second and then hold a grin for 2 seconds". It just happened authentically and spontaneously. And then I just stood there. Blank. I literally had no idea what would come out of my mind-body next. This used to terrify me. Now it's a state of being. After a couple seconds the next thing was: "Right now I feel like I am a tour guide and we will go on a tour. Let's all hop on the bus and have some fun". Again, 100% authentic - I did not plan that. Once all the self need dynamics are removed there is a connection to the present moment. The energy and frequencies present. At that moment, that was the essence of that moment. My mind-body was in tune with it. Not because I so great, but because the "I" was removed. There was then a sense of togetherness like everyone did get on the bus. So I started the engine and off we went. . . 

 

I've been trying to work on storytelling so you bet I read your whole book there, thank you <3

[martin_malin]

I can't recommand this book enough. A five-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and bestselling novelist shows how to tell a great story — and why doing so matters.

www.amazon.com/Storyworthy-Engage-Persuade-through-Storytelling/dp/1608685489
 

Edited March 22, 2019 by martin_malin

[nistake]

Great posts guys, it looks like I've got a few more things to work on (which I sort of knew already) besides storytelling itself.

 

15 hours ago, martin_malin said:

I can't recommand this book enough. A five-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and bestselling novelist shows how to tell a great story — and why doing so matters.

www.amazon.com/Storyworthy-Engage-Persuade-through-Storytelling/dp/1608685489
 

Thanks for the recommendation, I think I'm gonna buy this one!

[TheWaterRuss]

To tell stories and control the letters and their placement and the timing of the release from the mouth is the game of the masters.