I help my friend out of Ego, then I suffer.

[yangmilun]

She is lower self-esteem, and lying to others for building a fake better person. 

When she keep saying that "I will be better person" "I help friend so friend help me" "I cannot out of sad"

Then I help her like, "if you tell other you are lying because you have fear to loss, they will still love you"

She cannot do it, then I try to convice her, " just tell one person, that you are lying one thing only. "

I feel like I am wrong, because I try to prove my way is the only way let her out of ego.

Plus she keeps saying "I wanna be better", but "why should I do this?" 

Then she is saying lots offensive things to me for protecting herself, I was ok. but I am feeling suffer now.

 

So I post this is not because of her, I do think I have my own problem. 

I was thinking like:

1. I should leave her, because I think she has lower energy that I will be the same. 

2. We share happiness to be authentic, to be selfless, actually she doesn't really like to listen about enlightenment that I share to her.

3. I have negative emotion sometimes, when  I do really care people gossip behind me, like everytime she hides it but I know. 

4. I like to show off my knowledge, to prove that there is only way I can help you. Then i feel im valuable. 

5. I think I was lower self-esteem, so I allow her into my life about 5 years. I don't have too many friends, not even my family.

6. I don't think we are friendship, I feel we are using each other. but I feel good when we share life. 

 

I do think accept new life is the way to avoid the real me, and I back to old friends to show a happy me, I don't feel happy.

Sometimes I show the ego me, Serious, Angry, Selfish, I can feel they like me. they wanna be like me, they think i am strong. 

[flowboy]

Why do you believe what you're doing is helping?

Why do you believe that you should be rewarded with good behaviour when you do something you perceive as helping?

Question that.

[yangmilun]

9 hours ago, flowboy said:

Why do you believe what you're doing is helping?

Why do you believe that you should be rewarded with good behaviour when you do something you perceive as helping?

Question that.

Such a simple question but I don't really know how to answer

Why do I believe what I'm doing is helping? I don't really have any reason for this.

Do I believe? Yes, I was. Now I am confused. 

Am I really helping? Depend on the result, If bad result then I keep helping.

What am I doing? I bring her to face the fear.

Bring her to face the fear is helping? I dunno. Cos she keeps saying this. then why not let's really doing something to fix it.

Do I answer your question? Half, I think you ask me, "why do you think what you did is right to her?"

What if she just wants someone to listen without helping? I see the problem, I want to fix it. If I keep listening, she then keeps sad.

 

[flowboy]

5 hours ago, yangmilun said:

I bring her to face the fear.

Bring her to face the fear is helping? I dunno.

What have the results been like? Is it working for her? When are you done?

And my second question:

22 hours ago, flowboy said:

Why do you believe that you should be rewarded with good behaviour when you do something you perceive as helping?

 

[yangmilun]

On 2019/3/22 at 5:04 PM, flowboy said:

What have the results been like? Is it working for her? When are you done?

Thank you for your reply, I respond you so late becoz I feel so stupid and I cannot really face this problem.

What have the results been like? Is it working for her? 

The result is bad, and it's not working. She doesn't accept what I've done. The way she does and all people do as well, I think, are remaining what I did wrong in the past to reuse their fear what they cannot face for protecting themself. "you did other balabala mistake, then why you try to fix me?" So I don't usually be brave to help people becoz once I cannot answer my own problem to them, their fear just still alive, plus I hurt as well.

Then I feel more negative, coz I try to focus on my own perfection and also ignore others problem. Upset feeling, I feel selfish, and I do think perfection makes me more uphappy.

When am I done?

I feel the only way that I should stop is quitting our friendship, or ignore their negative stuff, and let their problems come to me again and again.I don't have any other way better. Both way I think is negative stuff.

Why do you believe that you should be rewarded with good behaviour when you do something you perceive as helping?

I don't feel I should get reward if I help people.

With good behaviour, I wish I will get reward, but I focus on good feeling on process when I have that.

Plus I was thinking a long time that what "Help" means. 

[flowboy]

I have found that no one ever takes advice from me unless they were looking for it and asking me.

What I do instead is be the good example. So that people get inspired and start asking.

You can use this friendship instead to practice letting go of the need to correct people. Practice not doing anything. If you wish.

 

 

Also this may apply:

 

[yangmilun]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

I have found that no one ever takes advice from me unless they were looking for it and asking me.

What I do instead is be the good example. So that people get inspired and start asking.

You can use this friendship instead to practice letting go of the need to correct people. Practice not doing anything. If you wish.

I always be pleasure someone could help me with my problem. Thank you sooo much. 

I do know this is very starter question in this forum, that's why I feel more thankful that you could spend time with this. 

[flowboy]

You are welcome! Good luck with the situation : )