First Psychedelic Trip (LSD) - Advice?

[kieranperez]

So I just acquired 2 tabs of roughly 105 mg of LSD. This will be my first psychedelic trip.

I wouldn’t say I’m strictly going to use this for just nondual purposes although of course, that will still certainly play a role.

I really want to contemplate:

• what I want most deeply out of life
• tap into my deepest vision for what impact I want to have on the world 
• what is my heart calling forth

I know it’s important to surrender during the trip.

What role does contemplation serve though during the trip? How do you stay grounded enough to not get lost into the dualistic visual phenomena and even mental phenomena to contemplate deeply on certain matters?

This seems to me to be quite a paradox. On the one hand you surrender completely to the trip. On the other hand it’s also important to contemplate. On the third hand(?) it’s important not to get lost in the phenomenal dualistic nature of the trip and remain grounded. 

What are some tips for setting intent? How to contemplate while on a psychedelic?

I would like for this advice to be practical and tanbigle if possible. 

Thanks!

[Aeris]

music, paper + pen

free draw. free music.

free drawing is crazy of sense, you'll draw your mind

meditation + dancing

Edited March 20, 2019 by Aeris

[kieranperez]

@Aeris that’s some interesting advice right there.

Thanks I’ll make sure to leave some paper, pens, and pencils lying around. 

Will definitely have some music at my disposal when it’s needed.

[zambize]

How is your emotional state right now? Do you feel stressed/anxious/depressed at all?  

Sorry I need a bit more information

Edited March 20, 2019 by zambize

[kieranperez]

@zambize won’t be taking it until probably next week. 

As far as emotional state goes, it really depends. Right now on the macro level, my life is numb. I’ve really lost any sort of vision, passion, ambition, and direction for my life. Which is the main reason I’m doing this trip.

The nondual consciousness work and realizations I can pursue later in regards to usage of psychedelics I think... although I certainly won’t reject an ego death if it starts going they way in this trip. 

I can hit some deep depressions as early as when I wake up where I struggle to get up in the morning and be at home with my dad and brother because I feel like I’m wasting my life at a retail job that I’m so dissatisfied with in yet I have no direction or vision of what to do, what I want to do and pursue at least in the short term (few years). 

I don’t want to lie about that because 1. I want to stop lying, 2. I know that that is definitely a huge playing factor as to what can happen in the trip. 

I really just have no direction anymore and I’ve completely lost touch with any sort of blaring intuition with what I want out of life, what I want to pursue, and so on. I’m aware of the possible dangers of this stuff which is why I’ve held off for many years now but I’m so lost in my own ego-mind’s victim stories that shut down any sort of vision for my life and so forth. I feel like I need to trust that, yes there’s a risk, but sometimes we do need to take a risk. I feel like this could be the opportunity I’ve really been in need of to access a higher state of consciousness and also intuition that can drown out that ego-mind and reveal something. Of course it can be the other way. At the same time though, I’ve been so terrified and security all these years that that is exactly why I’m still at home. I haven’t been willing to put my ass on the line.

[kieranperez]

1 hour ago, zambize said:

Sorry I need a bit more information

Any advice helps

[zambize]

1 minute ago, kieranperez said:

@zambize won’t be taking it until probably next week. 

As far as emotional state goes, it really depends. Right now on the macro level, my life is numb. I’ve really lost any sort of vision, passion, ambition, and direction for my life. Which is the main reason I’m doing this trip.

The nondual consciousness work and realizations I can pursue later in regards to usage of psychedelics I think... although I certainly won’t reject an ego death if it starts going they way in this trip. 

I can hit some deep depressions as early as when I wake up where I struggle to get up in the morning and be at home with my dad and brother because I feel like I’m wasting my life at a retail job that I’m so dissatisfied with in yet I have no direction or vision of what to do, what I want to do and pursue at least in the short term (few years). 

I don’t want to lie about that because 1. I want to stop lying, 2. I know that that is definitely a huge playing factor as to what can happen in the trip. 

I really just have no direction anymore and I’ve completely lost touch with any sort of blaring intuition with what I want out of life, what I want to pursue, and so on. I’m aware of the possible dangers of this stuff which is why I’ve held off for many years now but I’m so lost in my own ego-mind’s victim stories that shut down any sort of vision for my life and so forth. I feel like I need to trust that, yes there’s a risk, but sometimes we do need to take a risk. I feel like this could be the opportunity I’ve really been in need of to access a higher state of consciousness and also intuition that can drown out that ego-mind and reveal something. Of course it can be the other way. At the same time though, I’ve been so terrified and security all these years that that is exactly why I’m still at home. I haven’t been willing to put my ass on the line.

Well first of all I think it's awesome that you are so open about your dissatisfaction with life.  I worry a lot of people are afraid of being judged, or afraid that maybe it means they aren't as spiritually advanced as they'd like to think they are if they admit they are suffering.  So yeah, being honest I think will really pay off for you.

I suffered through a period of extreme numbness.  It's a long story but some shit friends thought I had basically died from an overdose of synthetic weed and were about to leave me, that whole experience left my dreams feeling more real than reality, and that wasn't a good thing because my dreams were basically me getting my throat slit or shot and killed, the whole circus.  The numbness was protecting me from extreme trauma, but I still fucking hated it.  I will take my emotional tenderness, or my tears, or my anxiety over that shit any fucking day.  My worry and I think you're aware of this is that the numbness as terrible as it is, is trying to help you avoid the trauma of all the anxiety and depression that you are feeling all coming out at once.  LSD really lights up my nervous system, and I'm worried for you that two tabs (which is quite a lot) would be very intense for a first time user.  I remember my one tab experience was plenty intense on my first try.  It's definitely awesome that you're looking for direction, but I see it being hard to find direction in a numbed up state.  How do you expect to get a feel for what you want, if you don't feel.  As someone who climbed out of numbness, emotional meditation really did a lot for me.  I just focused basically on the most emotionally intense sensation in my body and worked on relaxing into it, and developing tenderness towards it.  My personal recommendation would be to practice a more emotionally based meditation leading up to this trip, to help take some of the repressed emotions off your plate so you aren't too overwhelmed by a tsunami.  It also sounds like you have some issues with your work especially.  I would probably get out on paper a lot of the self hate and anger (if there is any) that is centered around your job and kind of pre-process those emotions so you aren't blasted with self-hate when you trip.  Now during the trip, you just gotta relax, the trip is going to be a trip.  You can't really know what you're going to get.  I've been tucked in by an ethereal motherly entity.  I've had trips where my awareness was so centered on people eyes and mouths and how they looked at each other searching for social queues ( I was tripping in a NY subway).  I've had trips where I saw visuals of huge pillars full of these laughing emoticons, laughing at me for thinking I existed in a way that I didn't.  The trips have all had their own taste, so it can be hard to prepare a bit or tell you what you're going to get.  I've never regretted taking a tab, and then a half tab or another tab afterwards when I wanted a bit more.  Like you're welcome to take two, but why not 1 the first hour and see how it goes, and then the other. They will overlap and you'll still get the strength of two if you want it, but you'll be a lot safer which is important.  There isn't too much you need to know during the trip, just surrender to it as best you can, and try to take any lessons your direct experience is offering you.  It will give you lessons trust me haha, you don't gotta do anything special when you're on acid other than be present and surrender imo.  One of my best friends when he was younger had a bad shroom trip and nearly killed himself, so if you have any firearms at your house or things that you can cause self-harm with.  Put them somewhere where you can't get to them during the trip please, your car keys too (he tried suicide by car basically).  I don't want to scare you, but safety first, cause why not. 

 

I also hope you've tried smoking weed, or have some experience in altered states of consciousness.  If you haven't I would smoke a joint first, I'll literally mail you one haha

[kieranperez]

@zambize this is definitely awesome advice.

Forgot to mention that I was planning on only going to start with 1 hahaha

I never really smoke weed but last time I did it was a month and a half ago, which was my first time in more than a year, and after I had 1 hit from a vape pen I had a radical Kundalini awakening, astral projection, and opening of my third eye... so in case you want to know if I’m a lightweight hahahahahaha

One of the things I intuit I’m probably going to face is my lack of authenticity and my utter snake nature of my chronic lying and phoniness. 

As far as bad trips, in a weird sense I do kinda “want” to know what would pop up. I know I have A LOT of shit from my past from growing up and a lot of deep seeded issues that can really come up that, for some strange reason or another, I’ve always “wanted” to finally face to be like ‘I’m finally seeing whats been causing this’. At the end of the day, if it needs to come up, even though I acknowledge this is before the fact.

Edited March 20, 2019 by kieranperez

[zambize]

8 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

@zambize this is definitely awesome advice.

Forgot to mention that I was only going to start with 1 hahaha

I never really smoke weed but last time I did it was a month and a half ago, which was my first time in more than a year, and after I had 1 hit from a vape pen I had a radical Kundalini awakening, astral projection, and opening of my third eye... so in case you want to know if I’m a lightweight hahahahahaha

I kinda smoke a lot, so I'm really jealous of your tolerance.  I'm actually on family vacation atm, they work as T-Breaks haha.  Maybe you should smoke once before you do acid again just to kind of get your feet wet with mystical experiences again.  They are definitely different experiences, but it's good practice of keeping grounded in an unfamiliar head space. Also, I feel like with alcohol people kind of feel ashamed if they can't drink a lot or hold their alcohol well, but with weed, I will take your tolerance any day.  Save me some fucking money so I can go to the strip clubs

OH I forgot to mention how fucking fabulous music is on acid.  It is the best music drug of weed/shrooms/lsd from my experience by a significant margin

Edited March 20, 2019 by zambize

[Forestluv]

@kieranperez LSD amplifies energetic and emotional systems. It can turn the intellectual system to mud. This can be highly destababizing for some individuals. For anyone with a history of anxiety, depression, PTSD or bipolar, I would be very cautious and highly recommend starting with low doses. I would not take more than 50ug the first time. In this case, 210ug is plenty to get an initial experience and increase the dosage on subsequent trips if desired. It is much better to be underwhelmed than overwhelmed. As well, people's sensitivity differ. For some, 50ug would be fairly potent. For most, it is enough to have a mild nondual experience that would be very unique. 50ug is one of my favorite dosages to spend time in nature. 

Also, I would recommend being extra careful about setting. I would avoid settings with people and a lot of stimuli. And avoid settings with any type of negative vibe. Empathy sensitivity can skyrocket, so a mildly disturbing part of a song one never noticed can be incredibly disturbing. A trivial micro-aggression in a movie may seem like violent. It works the opposite as well, a subtle beauty in nature can become so beautiful it brings a person to tears. An interaction with a dog may feel like the most loving moment ever.

[Markus]

@kieranperez Everytime I tried to contemplate on LSD I forgot what I was thinking about 3 seconds later. The attempt to make sense or engage in deliberate thinking felt incredibly unnatural and impossible, like trying to stop a flowing river by catching all the water. So my recommendation - just surrender. Once you're sober again you can consider what the trip meant to you.

Edited March 20, 2019 by Markus

[kieranperez]

I think I’m going to hold off on the LSD.

Honestly, my life is in shambles and I think, even if I have a good experience on LSD, it’s likely to turn into an addiction and a crutch to escape my life.

My self esteem, confidence, etc. is so shitty right now that I think this might be the wrong thing to do right now. 

I have a job that pays dick in retail, I wake up every morning mad and really upset at myself because of how much I don’t want to get up in the morning and don’t want to go through the day knowing I have nothing to look forward to, nothing I’m working towards, no conception of what I want to work towards, etc.

From that, to having no friends, not having gotten laid in a year and a half, stuck with ADHD, terrible with money, making barely any money, providing no value, have no mastery, living with a support system that shits on me, not able to move out, having a terrible addiction to my phone, etc... I don’t think psychedelics are really going to change anything. I’m still going to be back at baseline. 

I’m at a point where I don’t feel like living anymore because I feel so hurt from the shit I did and also didn’t do in life. 

I think this is just me trying to find a quick fix. 

Thanks anyways.

[Vipassana]

Alone in nature 

[improvementedward]

Mushrooms not LSD, but I had a really insightful trip by myself with just a pen, notepad, and music. I recommend being intentional about these thoughts (which it sounds like you are) and focusing on them as you come up. Write down any insights that you have on paper and try to capture it as best you can (but don't get wrapped around the axle with this, as some things just can't be put into words).

 

I did the above and am really glad I did, because I have some great notes I can look back on now that really help me refocus when I start to drift in life.

[Bluebird]

I'd say do one tab. Never know what might come up, it could be very profound, or maybe not. 

You might even see the infinite beauty of your own life and that you decided in advance to put yourself through all this out of love 

Who knows where it could go ?but you won't know if it's right until you do it.

The more you can just relax into it, the better it goes. Be sure to write up a report if you do decide to go ahead!

[FractalFlux]

Don't expect the LSD to give you a seven-point-plan to achieving your life purpose and dream goals.
It only amplifies and thereby reveals what is already there.
If set and setting are right and you are able to surrender it will chemically override all your personal mental BS (=ego=conditioning) and it will be clear that what you really are is nothing but loving awareness. All you want is love (=consciousness=harmony=You) in what ever form you are chasing it this time around. On the peak of LSD you are just that, sought & found, mystery & revelation. Nowhere to go, nothing to achieve. It is all right here.

But you will come down.
The LSD only shows you the possibility, your sober mind still will have to get its shit together and accept the calling.

So yeah, no quick fix.
I still think you should take it, 100µg is enough.
I have experienced first hand and observed in friends that the initial awakening, induced chemically or not, simply blows a certain amount of conditioning out of the system. That's what happened to the people talking about life changing trips  It is hard to get the motivation to keep on walking if you don't know where the road leads in the end.

If you decide to trip, and "bad stuff" comes up, things get dark and demonic:
Surrender. You are not in control anyways. Surrender. Die! (in death we are One). Be reborn. Embody the source 

Hope this helps. If you trip, I would love to read a trip report 

[tsuki]

@kieranperez Given what I know about you from your posts, 210 ug is very risky.
I had my first trip recently with 100 ug and I was glad that it was all I took that day. It was not an easy ride by no measure.
There is no shame in starting off at low dosages, believe me.

One of the insights I got is that if I'm stupid enough to let my ego decide the dose, the trip will be a perfect lesson for it to know its place.

Edited March 22, 2019 by tsuki

[kieranperez]

@tsuki thanks. I clarified though in the comments that I was only going to start with 1 tab.

@FractalFlux yeah I don’t have the expectation that 1 acid trip is going to map out my whole life. The part where it gets tricky is that that’s what my mind is subtly looking for because my self esteem is at such a low level now. 

As far as the awakening aspect, yeah that would be nice. However, that’s kinda beyond what I’m currently looking for right now. The way I see it is as follows: you can cook more than just a burger when you have raw beef. You don’t always have to have a burger. You can make meatballs if you want. Or you use it to maybe create beef lasagna (now I’m hungry). 

Point is that I think there’s definitely more than one way to intend (and I use “intend” deliberately because once it comes on, you’re only job is to surrender completely but also maybe do some contemplating) to use these substances other than just for consciousness purposes. 

Like I said though, I might hold off. I don’t know. I’m just at a point with such low self esteem, depressed, lacking vision and integrity that I feel like LSD can easily become a crutch for me along with other things that will just turn out to be distractions because like you said, you still come back. Even when you take something like 5-MeO-DMT, you still come back, and if you haven’t cultivated that capacity to change and discipline and integrity to take action before the trip, then you’ll probably be right back where you were before... and maybe even worse because you might then be inclined to shortcut all other personal development like life purpose, getting survival and your finances handled, etc. to chase the highest thing without working on the foundation that needed to be laid. 

[Space]

2 hours ago, kieranperez said:

Like I said though, I might hold off. I don’t know. I’m just at a point with such low self esteem, depressed, lacking vision and integrity 

Psychedelics can help with these things, but they may not so i'm not suggesting to do them or not. However, there's a reason that psyches are being used in medicinal settings more and more - they're medicine! And they do actually work at alleviating mental/psychological issues. They're also pretty safe to take. I doubt it would have any negative effect on your described symptoms i.e. making them worse (but don't take my word for that). For me, the difference between a good and bad trip is always the set and setting. Trip on a day when you feel fairly level headed and positive, and ensure that your setting is as perfect as you can get it i.e. being alone, being in a clean, warm and comfortable space, and most importantly knowing that absolutely no one will disturb you and you know this for 99% certainty. Take a low to medium dose to start with. 

[FractalFlux]

@kieranperez Well said. After all acid is just another drug, the trip is yourself 
You are the only person that knows what's right for you. Deep down you know what to do, just listen