Lost a good girl

[ExodiaGearCEO]

It’s been 2 years since I broke up with my ex and in til this day I still can’t stop thinking about her. The reason I broke up with her was because of my dumb insecurity and how I was always treating her like shit. But she still always come back to me. Look backing now, I realized that wasn’t the real me and it was just a lower weaker self of me and I feel so bad and regret maybe breaking up with her. She was that type girl who was always there for you no matter what and I pushed her away. After watching Leo’s “Getting over ex video” he mentioned to never go back to your ex. It really hurts to know that I can’t ever go back to her. The worst part is I’ve never got to have closure with her before ending the relationship. I wish I could go back and just thank her for so many things she did for me and etc. but she now has a new boyfriend. Would it be weird for me to hit her up and tell her how I really feel and leave? 

[Forestluv]

I was in a similiar situation with my high school sweetheart. After we left for two different colleges, I became insecure and jealous. I didn’t like her looking at and hugging other guys. I would suggest she was cheating on me. I was totally off the mark and felt bad about it for years. I really loved her and felt awful about treating her like that. It was just because of my insecurity of losing her. For years I regretted it and wanted to be back with her. 

Several years later, I contacted her and asked to meet with her. She was married at this time and I wasn’t looking to get back together or for her to tell me it was ok and I’m a good person. I wanted to make ammends to her and apoligize to clean up my past and free myself from the regret and chains. 

We met at a cafe and our vibe was very different. She changed and I may have too. That magical chemistry we had wasn’t there. We had a pleasant conversation and then I felt free and moved on. 

I think one of the keys was that I was grounded when I went to meet her. I wasn’t needy or desperate for her approval or forgiveness. I wasn’t secretly hoping we might get back together. I was working hard on personal development and wanted to make amends for a harm I caused to someone I had loved.

We are still in contact, 25 years later. Last year she got divorced. We went out for lunch and I was supportive to her as a friend. Its funny how life works out sometimes.

[CreamCat]

38 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

That magical chemistry we had wasn’t there.

The chemistry can spark up again, given enough time. People often cheat by having sex with ex-girl friends and ex-boy friends if they didn't break up on bad terms.

Edited March 20, 2019 by CreamCat

[CreamCat]

40 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I didn’t like her looking at and hugging other guys.

I wouldn't like it, either.

[flowboy]

I had a similar situation a month ago. We'd been broken up for 1.5 years, and slowly I was getting over the resentment I felt over how it ended.

I wanted nothing more than to reconnect with her, thank her for the good times we shared, maybe apologise for some shit.

Funnily enough, when I texted her that wish, against my better judgment, she responded excitedly, that she had been thinking the same thing.

I came over for dinner and it was weird but strangely super relaxed. We reminisced about our adventures and laughed a lot. Exactly what I wanted!

It feels cleared up now, like she's actually a friend.

So I would recommend to yes, do it.

 

And check what @Serotoninluv said about what you're hoping to get out of it.

Edited March 21, 2019 by flowboy

[pluto]

You only lose what you cling onto

- Gautama Buddha

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@CreamCat @flowboy Thank you guys for sharing your stories. It sounds like you guys were able to reconnect in a friendly way and finally be in good term with your ex. Would it be weird if I message her even though she has a boyfriend? I don’t want to go back to my ex or anything. But I’ve dealing with so much pain because I’ve never got to have closure with her when my relationship ended. When we broke up I just end it on a phone rather then in person. It was immature and weak. But I feel like this is only my way to stop thinking about her?

[flowboy]

@ExodiaGearCEO Why are you asking the same question again?

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, ExodiaGearCEO said:

But I feel like this is only my way to stop thinking about her?

This line makes me think you're not ready.

Thinking about your ex is an addiction. I've been there to the point where I was thinking about her every few SECONDS.

Would seeing her really fix that?

Do you really want to be dependent on her, to feel okay? What if she doesn't want to meet? Are you planning to be in this sorry state forever?

Or do you just need to step up, be a man and heal yourself first?

I recommend watching Leo's video on victim thinking again. That's something that's subtly going on here.

Best of luck brother!