Anyone know about a Book to become grounded and more yourself to help my communicatin

[Rustymachine]

Hello,

I am 22 year old guy from Norway

I have been interested in personal development for a few years now and am currently been meditating pretty much every day for 2 years and I am on 50 minutes now. I have also read a few books and listen to a few more on audible. Some of them are Conquest of the mind, Psycho-Cybernetics, Big leap and a few more, whereas I have absorbed most of the content with repetition and writing good notes. After Psycho-cybernetics I have started visualizing my goals, with the focus on becoming a straight-A student. Witch has been going pretty well, so i am not visualizing fixing my problem yet. Maybe that's thats the next step in solving my current challange. that i am not sure of yet.  I understand that self-realizing will eventually get rid of tease neurotic behaviors, but my lack of groundedness is damanging my social life with friends and girls. 

The thing is that i want to be myself and grounded. I want to be more assertive and have more grounded opinions when discussing with outhers. Also i want to break free from wanting to be liked and deatach from the need of apporoval, or feel superior againts others(That is probably the cause of not feeling completly adiquate with my surroundings). 

I also have a little bit of communication complex whereas i feel a big wave of fear before speaking my mind to a group of people, or a singe person. I think this origins from my need for approval or that i need to feel adequate with the social circumstances.  that i need to prove that i am able to speak freely and without being clumsy (right now, when this happends, i may say unfinished sentences and words very silent that appears to be received clumsy by the receiver, and this vorsen my fear and i get alot more awkward). This also gets my voice in my head going.
 I think this stems from my opinion and views on topics shut down by unhealthy friends from not so distant past.

Any helpful viewpoints or opninons will help. I would also appreciate any suggestions on books/audibooks to maybe help me on the road to solve these problems.

i have already red  Not nice of Aziz angenpura. about boing more assertive, healty selfishness, speaking up, asking for what i want, to not be a peoplepleaser etc, and it have helped a lot. But i still have this communication problem.

Sorry for my english and the long post.  

Regards
Rustymachine

[Commodent]

"The Tao of Fully Feeling" by Pete Walker is definitely helpful when it comes to the inner work. A lot of self-help books out there are indeed quite superficial and do not deal with root causes. Honestly I find most self help books quite stressful to read and overall detrimental to my mental health as they tend to fuel my inner critic, so I generally avoid them. But the book I mentioned is truly a breath of fresh air in those regards.

I've personally also found taking my dog for long walks to be incredibly helpful to my mental health. I've also ditched my smart phone and excessive Internet use lately, which has been quite blissful. Note that the keyword here is solitude, i.e. time spent without input from other minds. Solitude is incredibly important for emotional regulation, among other things. It kinda helps you pull yourself away from the anxieties of daily life, if that makes sense. If you want to learn more about that I can recommend the book "Digital Minimalism" by Cal Newport.

I would also recommend joining a community of some sort. I personally love BJJ and climbing, and find great satisfaction from it in addition to it being a very good exercise. The people I've met in those sports are such great people too, they're all very friendly and open for conversation.

Be kind with yourself, and focus on meaningful things you actually enjoy. There might not be many such things in your case like with me, but I'm sure there's something.

Signed, 21 year old Norwegian dude

[JohnnyBravo]

Yes, I can vouch for Pete Walkers material and especially that book also.

 

From memory, there is an anecdote in the book on public speaking and the author describes the intense, unfair anxiety he would feel and exercises he did to combat it.

The book goes very proper on why anxiety etc exists. Its a very different, original book. Dont expect to read any standard nonsense in there, because Walker is highly original.

If you read this book, i will say, it can be a depressing read here and there. The author is a trauma specialist, so you must be careful to not go too deep in the book for too long. Use with respect and caution.

[Rustymachine]

I will check out, feel like i have read deep diving books

Thanks for the answers. I will ´check the book out, but i feel like i have read alot of books dipping deep around my problem, just that i have not found the solution. I looks like it its a combination of more deep limiting beliefs and habits and i will keep looking.

Also my meditation helps me regulate emotions, and i have become more okay with being alone. Also i feel like my attachments towards distractions like telephone and TV is pretyy much gone too. 

I am currently become a snowboarder and love poker, so thoes are some of the communities i take part in.  

The gifts of imperfetcions have also tougt me to forgive my imperfections.  

So cool to find others Norwegians on this kind of sites. I am pretty much alone on this kind of topics in my big city. 

Also, Thanks for the additional advice Jhonny Bravo(diggig the cartoon btw).

Regards 

RustyMachine

[JohnnyBravo]

If you want to be grounded here is a method:

1. Imagine a person who is grounded. They can be real or fictional. It could be the version of you that is grounded, or a fictional guy. I visualise Ken from Fist of the North Star.

2. Visualise that person in front of you. Take your time until it feels like they are actually 'there.' Imagine they are in a circle on the floor in front of you.

3. After you feel they are there, physically step 'into them.' If you do this properly, you wont feel like yourself. You will feel like someone else.

4. Behave in the world as this person.

5. Over time, youll naturally find you take on these qualities. Soon you wont have to use this method because you will embody the trait.

You can use this technique for any skill or talent or attribute you wish to have. The key is doing is daily consistently.

[Michael569]

this book was quite helpful for me https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ki-Quest-Method-Awakening-Health/dp/1717755437/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1553083052&sr=8-1&keywords=nicola+zanetti

The guy is a not a big author, he is one of the teachers in our naturopathic college but he is extremely knowledgeable and spiritual which is why many people find him a bit weird. The book is easy to ready and gives a lot of very practical tip on how to be able to tap in your Yin (Celestial Qi) and Yang (Primal QI) constitution and in a sense helps you to be more grounded but also more fired up if need be. He also gives a lot of tips on herbs, foods, practical exercises and some stones that can help you achieve what you are looking for. 

This is a UK author so if you are abroad there is probably some shippin you'd have to pay 

[Rustymachine]

THanks for the answers. I have am currently reading a book that goes under the skinn on the different sides of Ego. its "a new earth" and it said something interesting about being myself. Acutally trying to be myself is a role the ego creaty to attach to an identity. Its an idea and it actually hinders me of just "being". I have been aware of this lately and i have found that not trying to be something else and myself have grounded my behaviour. Eventough its really hard sometimes when i feel a urge to play a certain role to fit inn, and do what "seem" right to get others approval or not cross them in any way. This is when i try to observe my feelings and thoughts and Ego, witch its trying to make me take a social accapteble role and stop me of just "being" at all cost, witch if it succeeds, will undground me from my core. 

 

Mvh Rustymachines.