Don't want enlightment anymore

[John Charles]

This last weekend I went on a 5-Meo-DMT retreat. I see now what enlightenment entails, my death, the end of everything as I know it. It's terrifying. When sleeping I wake up in that state sometimes and it's just scary as hell, this state of absolute not knowing. Now I'm telling myself that I don't want to awaken anymore, that I want to stay in the dream, stay living life. Please I want to hear your thoughts about this, anyone. Thank you. 

[Peo]

It is not like you will lose your physical body if that is what your afraid of. The death will be scary as hell, but if you are strong enough too push through this fear your fear will disappear once your one the other side. Maybe you need to work through your fear in some ways. I don't really know how to work through your fear, but you maybe you can ask someone else.

[zambize]

1 hour ago, John Charles said:

This last weekend I went on a 5-Meo-DMT retreat. I see now what enlightenment entails, my death, the end of everything as I know it. It's terrifying. When sleeping I wake up in that state sometimes and it's just scary as hell, this state of absolute not knowing. Now I'm telling myself that I don't want to awaken anymore, that I want to stay in the dream, stay living life. Please I want to hear your thoughts about this, anyone. Thank you. 

It sounds to me like you should slow down a bit and really digest the experience you had.  Sounds like it was at the very least a very insightful trip you took.  It's okay if you don't want to be enlightened, some people just want to live a happy normal life,and that's okay.  So if you want to replace the enlightenment work with more emotionally based meditation to help you work with what's on your plate, or you just want to take a break from spiritual work for a while, that's perfectly fine.  You're the master of your life, what do you want right now if not enlightenment?  Want to get your dick sucked?  Go get your dick sucked.  Maybe you don't want that though (don't let me project onto you).  Anyways, I hope you find some relief soon, and I don't want to belittle your problems, but I think it's worth remembering that our problems always seem bigger while we are in the middle of them.  Happiness could be right around the corner, hopefully it is for you

[luckieluuke]

@John Charles Yea I hear ya. For me I´m actually more afraid what will happen to my close ones. Like if the thought of what I think is me dies, then maybe also the idea that I want a family with my girlfriend. It would mess up so much.
I fully agree with @zambize post. Just let it sink in and take its time. Maybe do some research and listen to some masters about ego backlash or the dark night of the soul and how to get through it as best as possible. (usually just keep meditating)

[ajasatya]

@John Charles fundamentally, you cannot die. only what you think about yourself dies... if you let it go.

[Shin]

Classic ego backlash to stay in mediocrity.

You may be afraid, but you want it, otherwise you wouldn't have taken 5-meo in the first place.

[NoSelfSelf]

Your whole post is a product of a dream taking 5-meo-dmt was also a dream going out of a dream means you wont be bothered with this things and idk what do you mean fear of not knowing you are now in not knowing thinking you know something   and with awakening you will lose it...

Edited March 19, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[Markus]

@John Charles Our beliefs and fears act as our own protection from things we can't handle. Which is why them being shaken is so scary. We're protected yet trapped by our ego. There's no way to gain more freedom from the self without experiencing negative emotions that come with that process.