I will cold approach girls - report

[flowboy]

12 hours ago, LoNatural said:

The most important thing is SMV (looks, money & status)

I'm very skeptical of that. Women can get their own money nowadays and aren't attracted to looks as much as men.

12 hours ago, LoNatural said:

The problem isn't approaching, if it really worked like that everybody would be doing it. 

Wrong. Almost nobody is doing it because it is hella scary. And it does work.

And everybody is doing it, or at least trying to under the influence of too much alcohol. And that works too.

Why do you think I tell girls I work at McDonalds?

Edited March 21, 2019 by flowboy

[Marinus]

I recognise myself in your story. Whatever people say to to you, they want to help and say what they think is the best to do. In the end it's al about perspective. Follow your intuition, if your intuition says you need to do it, then do it. Live without regrets. Maybe there comes a time that you'll feel empty and don't need pick up any more, but you can only experience this by doing it. 

Good luck! 

[Rachityczny]

@Marinus Thanks for the encouragement!

[Max_V]

@Rachityczny I'm almost similar with what you're going through. Also 19 and trying to find my way.

Wish you the best on your journey. Be loving on yourself and work to understand your fears and barriers that keep you stuck. Very important, focus on understanding them instead of solving them.

[Rachityczny]

Okay. This week I did 3 hours of theory for pickup (most today, it`s 1 AM at my timezone lol). Tommorow is the last day before the meeting with my accountability partner, so the last moment to reach the wekly goal. I will cold approach, daygame as before. Will try to check out a few places. Expect a report at Wednesday.

Once more, thanks for your support and advice.   You basically validate my effort I`m grateful for it- you motivate me to take action. All the best for you!

[flowboy]

I still have a few hours to do my daily approach.

Looking forward to the report!

[Rachityczny]

Well, well well...

Yesterday i did only few minutes more than half an hour. I was wandering around places for 1,5 hours. I did approach one girl- a sweet Ukrainian. The conversation was quite bad- i just asked her if she likes the city, where is she from, what`s her name and why did she choose the university here etc. It was hard and awkward  for me. After a short while she said she has an important call, and i basically ran away. But i am still positive about it.

34 minutes is nowhere near the goal of 3 hours weekly, so i tried to cold approach today. I went into mall, but i didn`t feel it. Today I`m rather down, quite negative and lazy- I couldn`t stand the monkey mind i have when trying to cold approach- many negative thoughts, feeling rigid and so on.

The most irritating thing is the thought/belief/feeling I`m not worth to be with a girl, to approach one. I guess overcoming it requires awareness, acceptance and real life experience that shows the opposite of this negative belief. Yesterday i started to read daily a set of affirmations focused on becoming more confident, better with girls and creating empowering mindset. Hope this will also help.

This week i also did quite a lot of theory- 3 hours 40 minutes. It informs practice and promotes good mindset, it doesn`t feel like mental masturbation or running away from action.

[Rachityczny]

You know what? I stop the work on cold approach for now. Don`t get me wrontg- it is valuable- i see it more than before.

Anyway, here come reasons mixed with excuses:

- I`ve set the goal to do cold approach 2,5 weeks before- haven`t had a week that was successful- it`s a really bad start for any kind of the habit. The effort i did was too small and the goal is too hard for me right now

- The measurement of time for cold approach is really arbitrary. Do i count the time for only when I`m talking or looking for someone to talk? Can i count the time if i chicken out? Can I count the time from the moment I left the house with an intent to do the cold approach?

- The goal was set when I wasn`t in the best emotional state- sometimes i just have these days during which i feel really unstable, often after binge watching youtube or/and playing games or/and eating junk food in big amounts or/and masturbation. Today is actually one of these days, but at it`s end I feel the beginning of something good.

Cold approach is fucking hard. I`m afraid this is too big of a challenge for me right now. Will try to meet with more girls through friends and more popular ways. I just need to get my daily life handled- university, daily tasks, more time spent with my friends. I want to become better at dating, relationships and sexuality so this attempt for sure isn`t my last.

Since December I`ve been working on creating positive habits. I managed to stop watching toxic memes, daily monitor the time i spend on games/youtube (I`m addicted to them) and do sports twice a week (swimming and anything I choose, most of the time it`s volleyball). It is a good time in my life, just this cold approach thing didn`t click right from the beginning and one of the reasons I stop to work on this goal is the danger of somewhat damaging the structure of introducing habits I created with these three successful ones (these started quite well right from the get go).

Anyway, this is getting really off-topic so just one last thing: a few days (a week maximum) from now I will let you know what I decided to choose a habit to work on- need a time to slow down a bit, strategize, get basic things handled for the decision to be firm and best for my situation.

Cheers guys!

[Pallero]

@Rachityczny If you still need a habit to work on, how about "Stop bulldozing yourself"? It means stop forcing yourself to do what you don't want to do.

[flowboy]

9 hours ago, Pallero said:

@Rachityczny If you still need a habit to work on, how about "Stop bulldozing yourself"? It means stop forcing yourself to do what you don't want to do.

@Pallero Like stick to a heathy diet? Go to the gym?

Are you seriously suggesting to not push past resistance and give up?

Or do you secretly have a problem with cold approach and your agenda is to try to get people to stop? By trying to convince them that they don't want to in the first place?

I'm really struggling to view this comment as something constructive, given that this is a self-improvement forum.

[Rachityczny]

@Pallero

I wanted to cold approach and want to in the future, it`s a great challenge and a way to develop yourselves. It was forcing so far, bcs i have a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships and cold approach. Apart from that, that was my first attempt to cold approach, it was hard to find challenging but possible to reach goal.

@flowboy

I understand his point of view. Pallero is just afraid that I`m just pushing too far, in a way that makes break down and for example reach some psychological illness.

[Pallero]

17 hours ago, flowboy said:

@Pallero Like stick to a heathy diet? Go to the gym?

Are you seriously suggesting to not push past resistance and give up?

Or do you secretly have a problem with cold approach and your agenda is to try to get people to stop? By trying to convince them that they don't want to in the first place?

I'm really struggling to view this comment as something constructive, given that this is a self-improvement forum.

Yes, I'm seriously suggesting it. It's not "giving up". It's called honoring your boundaries. It will make you develop much faster actually.

I do have a problem with cold approach in the sense that it's often a self-abusive tactic that actually makes your go back  in your personal development. Of course, it was just a suggestion. If the person feels that it's working, there's no problem with that. But from reading the topic starter's notes I felt that there was a lot of self-abuse there.

Have you watched Leo's video "Awareness Alone is Curative"? In that video, he talks about how instead of forcing yourself to do things, you observe everything you do with awareness. And that will make self-harming impossible in the long run. It's a very gentle and very effective technique. So instead of pushing yourself to stick to a healthy diet or go to the gym, you use this awareness technique and in time, you will naturally move towards action that is good for you. It's much easier and better than forcing yourself.

How do you feel about this approach now that I've outlined it in this way?

Many people's problem is that they feel that if they don't force themselves to change, they never will. But it's actually "counter intuitive" if you will. By force you're only driving yourself deeper into self-harm. But it's very common for people to confuse self-development with force and abuse. The fastest way to do self-development is actually self-love and self-care.

[Pallero]

12 hours ago, Rachityczny said:

@Pallero

I wanted to cold approach and want to in the future, it`s a great challenge and a way to develop yourselves. It was forcing so far, bcs i have a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships and cold approach. Apart from that, that was my first attempt to cold approach, it was hard to find challenging but possible to reach goal.

Okay. If you feel good about it and it's making you happier, then go for it.

I was just reading your notes and it seemed to me like there was a lot of confusion and wanting to abuse yourself out of how you actually are. It was just my interpretation. Feel free to drop it if it doesn't resonate with you.

[LoNatural]

On 21/3/2019 at 11:43 AM, flowboy said:

I'm very skeptical of that. Women can get their own money nowadays and aren't attracted to looks as much as men.

Wrong. Almost nobody is doing it because it is hella scary. And it does work.

And everybody is doing it, or at least trying to under the influence of too much alcohol. And that works too.

Why do you think I tell girls I work at McDonalds?

I've done daygame with a gl and tall wing and he got 3 makeouts in 2 sessions. He wasn't confident at all and he had a lot of self esteem and emotional issues. It does work, but looks are the key for that to happen. As an average looking guy I got some numbers but it didn't work nearly as good as it did to my wing, and my game isn't worse than his

Instead of begging on the streets I'd hit the gym and compete with the big guys at a nightclub, women know that's where the real competition is at. 

[Rachityczny]

Hey there.

I gave myself a week of freedom, during which i basically spent a ton of time on low-consciousness activities such as watching youtube. But i also thought a bit about my plans, vision for life and so on.

So i decided to read daily for an hour. I have quite a lot of self-development books that i haven`t read. It is also a habit that contributes greatly to my life purpose work. I`ve been doing it for a week now, without commitment to create a habit like this, but it feels really good and will continue to build this habit. Will try out a few days with making notes, but it makes reading so slow, for now it makes me feel out of flow.

Cold approach experiment was short and didn`t go really well, i just couldn`t bear it anymore, but i still learned a lot- for example, next time i will formulate my goal in a different way.

Thank you all for your contributions to this topic. You helped me with motivation and taught me quite a lot of things!

[flowboy]

I feel you. I also am on a break currently.

I'm currently thinking that cold approach works best for me when it's not one of my main most-serious goals, but a side thing I do for fun and is very low pressure.

But that theory will have to be tested.

[Musica]

What always works for me is to neutralized the person, to not focus in the beauty, neither in my sexual attraction, nothing... just to see them neutral and like whatever,  approach just like If they would be any random friend of mine, so just a friendly approach.  I also noticed that when guys do it like that to me or my girl friends also works for them. ??

[Rachityczny]

@flowboy I feel quite the same- the pressure and self-criticism at its peak when its my main goal. It`s a good thing to try out side goal of cold approach, i can say that i do it to some extent- i hang out with new people more often than before.

@Musica Thanks for the advice for the future!