Ego death and anxiety?

[thesmileyone]

So last night I intuitively and experientally reached what felt like the "gateless gate" the grand ego death point, during meditation, but I could not pass due to extreme anxiety. I have not used psychedelics, not sure if I require them, so I have no experience with "traumatic" ego deaths. I have had partial ones before but not the big one. It felt like "the final one".

Any tips on the anxiety? I tried telling myself to surrender but the mind just wouldn't. I fast a lot, have cold showers and sometimes ice baths, and practice Stoicism, to retain power over the mind, but in this case it definetly won!

[mandyjw]

Stop thinking of it as a death. Do you want to kill your ego or experience bliss? Go towards the thing that feels better in meditation. 

[Peo]

You have to die hate to break it to you but there is no cure to your anxiety then to fully surrender and die. You won't be able to surrender if this is your first time you experience ego death. (If this is your first time). I think you have to have more ego death before you fully surrender.

[Nahm]

@thesmileyone You’re trying to experience something you think is horrific, and wondering why you have anxiety?

[thesmileyone]

I don't think it's horrific, I welcome it actually, but there ego part of me obviously wants to stay as it is, hence giving me these symptoms. I understand I need to surrender I just wondered if there's any tips on doing just that?

[Joker_Theory]

@thesmileyone  Maybe focus on your breath.

[Tony 845]

@thesmileyone I battle with anxiety, I always ask my self who is this “i” or “me” who has this anxiety, it really helps, just keep inquiring.

[DrewNows]

anxiety is unconscious and implies separation between self and other

it’s perpetuated by the false division within 

sit with the fear/emotions and understand why they arise 

[thesmileyone]

On 18/03/2019 at 7:35 PM, DrewNows said:

anxiety is unconscious and implies separation between self and other

it’s perpetuated by the false division within 

sit with the fear/emotions and understand why they arise 

But that's the issue. It doesn't appear in awareness therefore I can't understand it.

[DrewNows]

3 minutes ago, thesmileyone said:

But that's the issue. It doesn't appear in awareness therefore I can't understand it.

Well you can figure out your beliefs regarding ego death/awakening, and reaching a specific state of consciousness. Seems your ego thinks it’s demise is going to come in “time” which is just not the case. All knowledge/beliefs must be dropped completely for total surrender to happen 

Does the anxiety grow in intensity? 

 

[robdl]

On 3/18/2019 at 1:20 AM, thesmileyone said:

So last night I intuitively and experientally reached what felt like the "gateless gate" the grand ego death point, during meditation, but I could not pass due to extreme anxiety. I have not used psychedelics, not sure if I require them, so I have no experience with "traumatic" ego deaths. I have had partial ones before but not the big one. It felt like "the final one".

Any tips on the anxiety? I tried telling myself to surrender but the mind just wouldn't. I fast a lot, have cold showers and sometimes ice baths, and practice Stoicism, to retain power over the mind, but in this case it definetly won!

Thinking creates the sense of an "I" that is apart from anxiety ---  a separate "thinker" or locus of awareness that is subject to anxious thoughts.     

Most of the advice given may only validate/reinforce this illusory division between a thinker and its thoughts.

[Charlotte]

On 18/03/2019 at 3:42 PM, Nahm said:

@thesmileyone You’re trying to experience something you think is horrific, and wondering why you have anxiety?

@Shin this on the point comment made me think of you. 

[Nahm]

@Charlotte 

There was no anxiety in ‘ego death’ for Nahm. It was mystical, and beautiful. 

Much more self was realized, no thing was lost. 

Nahm had not yet heard someone explain how horrific ‘ego death’ was. 

Nahm had not yet heard the term “ego death”.

Nahm therefore did not have such a belief, and therefore no need to let go of it. 

 

[Shin]

26 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@Shin this on the point comment made me think of you. 

I

can't

help

it

 

[Nahm]

On 3/18/2019 at 3:20 AM, thesmileyone said:

I could not pass due to extreme anxiety

What is anxiety?

[zambize]

42 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@Shin this on the point comment made me think of you. 

Omg I was literally about to @ him too haha 

[Shin]

7 minutes ago, zambize said:

Omg I was literally about to @ him too haha 

Both of my women fighting for me.

Me liky

 

[Jack River]

2 hours ago, robdl said:

Thinking creates the sense of an "I" that is apart from anxiety ---  a separate "thinker" or locus of awareness that is subject to anxious thoughts.     

Most of the advice given may only validate/reinforce this illusory division between a thinker and its thoughts.

Nice?

[Jack River]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Charlotte 

There was no anxiety in ‘ego death’ for Nahm. It was mystical, and beautiful. 

Much more self was realized, no thing was lost. 

Nahm had not yet heard someone explain how horrific ‘ego death’ was. 

Nahm had not yet heard the term “ego death”.

Nahm therefore did not have such a belief, and therefore no need to let go of it. 

 

?

[Shin]

1 minute ago, David Hammond said:

@thesmileyone You dont die because you don't exist. All you have to do is understand this. You can do it gently by investigating what is going on. There is not going to be an ego death, the ego will continue to do what it does best.

Then why it feels like you're going to die ?

Maybe in the end you don't, but it sure does feel like it.

Obviously it doesn't need to be this way for everyone, but it is for some.