" And not to pull your halo down...

[ivankiss]

...around your neck and tug you off your cloud

but I'm more than just a little curious; how you're planning to go about making your amends

...to the dead? "

 

A Perfect Circle

 

" So glad to see you well. Overcome and completely silent now. With heavens help you cast your demons out..."

 

The never-ending journey comes to an end tonight. Reason is long forgotten. Yet there is one. I may not remember clearly enough, but... this journey has begun. And what begins must end.

The idea must have been born at some point. That is simply the nature of ideas. They come to life - they die. They begin - they end.

Perfect fucking circle.

Some ideas might go unnoticed as they're fading away; dying. And some may swallow you whole as they vanish into nothingness; never to return.

At times it was impossible to imagine being cool with death. Now impossible is no more.

Now may bring death, yes. But death can never take now away. Even death has to die, disappear. And it will die right about now. 

Now contains all. Nothing can escape nothing.

Detachment might also be rude. Sudden. Unexpected. Painful. Terrifying. Absolute horror.

All depends on how attached one is to all. How willing to let go; fully and forever. How many strings are there still left to pull. How deeply one believed into illusion. 

 

Maya was my first love.

 

I must've been around seven. It was love at first sight. Innocent and pure; as a special spark, recognized even by a child that has barely stepped into the world. 

I kid you not. Real story. Her name was actually and totally Maja and we were neighbours back in the day when I was still living in Serbia. Movement was not alien, even back then. My mother would move us around often. Until we left the country altogether. Never heard of Maja since. I guess she's telling her own story. Who knows?

No one.

Illusion was loved. Still is. I cannot unsee the perfection it holds. The flawless reflection. Following one closely, precisely. Everywhere, at all times. It's a true masterpiece.

Would expected nothing less from God. 

 

 

Cut the cord and you will see no tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow never was.

And even though yesterday all your troubles may have seemed so far away; now is the time to believe in yesterday no more.

I had a great story going on here. Really. It was all-inclusive. Drama, romance, action, comedy, musical, fantasy.

Wild dreams, passion, love, sex, spirituality, bliss, force, will, dedication, belief. Pain, struggle, suffering, loss, neglect, abuse, solitude, desperation. 

It's a killer story. It's a story about an abandoned six year old who desperately fell in love with music and has taken a holy vow;

Never to stop until the dream came true.

Ivan had nobody since forever. That too was not alien. In fact; it was a necessary part of the story. Hence Ivan's struggle to deal with and express his pain. His thoughts, his feelings. His mind, his heart.

All Ivan ever wanted was to pour it all out onto the world. All through melodies and rhythm.

Music was love unlike any other. Awareness identified with music more than it did with the characters, or the story. Awareness got attached to the beauty of sound, badly. 

Awareness never really believed it was human. Something has always been "off". Smelling funny. But awareness paid no attention to things that seemed off. It was way too occupied with dreaming the dream. Exploring and expressing itself through young Ivan, who knew exactly what his mission was. His calling. His purpose. The co-operation was beautiful, beyond any description. Brings tears to the eyes. Eyes that are dead.

Young Ivan was always somehow, kinda aware of awareness. But he was way too immersed in practicing on his instrument of choice; day and night. Talk about willpower.

Attachment to parents and relatives never even had the chance to develop itself. There just was nobody around. All there ever was, was a massive hole. A black one. A void. Emptiness. A sense of missing something big.

No real sense of home.

Music slowly but surely filled the void though. Healed the wounds. Showed direction. Navigated. Gave meaning. Inspired Ivan to be, to persist, to continue, to live, to dream.

All until the dream was starting to become real enough. Ivan pushed as far as he could go. The guy is phenomenal. Absolutely amazing. I love him dearly. I always will.

Ironically, as the dream started to become real, it simultaneously started falling appart. Slowly but surely. Fast and rude. Out of nowhere. Yet somehow it was ever-expected.

Awareness took over completely. Even music had to go. No thing was left for Ivan to hold onto it. All turned to sand as he was desperately trying to get a grip.

The story became too heavy to carry around. Nothingness asks no questions. Makes no exceptions. Interprets no difference.

All must go. And all goes now, as the night turns into day.

 

I know the pieces fit, because I watched them fall away.

 

Countdown to nothing. No thing can follow into nothingness. What once was built with love, dedication, will and care - now is being destroyed, erased. Intentionally. On purpose. 

Total deconstruction is necessary and obviously relevant. Resonance is higher than ever. No one really knows the reason why. No one is in charge. It's the only possible way. May as well be called destiny. 

The prophecy has been fulfilled.

Reconstruction will always be a possibility. Imagination will not seize to be. But now the story must go, completely. Death comes for all, indeed.

Resistance is no more.

 

Your halo is slipping down; to choke you now.

 

As much as I would like to take credit for all or any of this, I cannot. I cannot unsee nothing. Nothing was ever behind my actions, thoughts, visions, dreams. It was nothing all along.

Nothing will carry on now.

It may have been all for The Dream... But death has come knocking on the door, claiming it's own. Declaring the end of the journey. It may seem like it's way too early... Yet one cannot deny divine timing and it's perfection. I have to let death pass through now. It's the only way to transcendence. 

To wake up fully.

Freedom is. Love is. Abundance is. Creation will still be. Co-creation will still be. No one knows about it. No one will create nothing, forever.

 

" Recall the deeds as if they're all
someone else's atrocious stories...

Now you stand reborn before us all, so glad to see you well...

 

And not to pull your halo down, around your neck and tug you to the ground...

But I'm more than just a little curious; how you're planning to go about making your amends

...to the dead? "

 

[ this topic was inspired by APC's outstandingly amazing track; " the noose". You should go enjoy the crap out of it ] ;

 

Goodbye Ivan.

Edited March 16, 2019 by ivankiss

[Breathe]

A perfect circle is my favorite band! Nice post.

[ivankiss]

@Breathe Absolutely love 'em.

Maynard is such a cool dude. Love his ways of expression. Great philosopher. An outstanding artist.

Tool is also a huge love. 

Phenomenal musicianship. Highly conscious form of art. Would not be where I am without it, for sure.

Thanks, and

Salute!