<3

[zambize]

My thoughts on Music//Dance as a Spiritual Tool

I'll start with music.  I feel like music has personally been used as both a tool to help me process my emotions, and a defense mechanism.  Some of the ways I use music in an unhealthy way include switching songs as a means to avoid a strong emotion.  For example, when I'm walking down the street and I think of how cringe of a message I sent someone, instead of really feeling that embarrassment, I'll look at my, scroll through the songs, and pick a new song.  The mind often uses distractions as a defense mechanism against having to process our emotions and face reality, which I appreciate in causes of trauma, but when I really want to address everything I'm feeling in my life to help me move forward from it, it's a bit obnoxious.  I think I've noticed that I also use certain types of music to cover up emotional wounds.  Like if one night I'm feeling particularly lonely, I pump up the music a bit louder, I listen to a bit more energetic songs.  I want more of my reality to be music so less of it can be hurt.  However, then those emotions never get processed so it's important for me to be aware of this.  I think the happiest times in my life are when I've been really content with listening to lofi-hip hopisk music.  Nujabes is another artist I'm particularly fond of.  In sum I think two of the major issues with music I see are using changing songs and looking for songs as a constant distraction source from emotions that pop up throughout the day, as well as listening to incredibly hype music as more of a means to drown out our emotional body with audio.  

There are however many benefits to listening to music.  First of all, just like we can use super loud music to drown out our emotional body, I think lighter music can be used as a pseudo meditation.  One of the hardest things facing kids today is constant stimulation.  I believe you're in a good position to address your emotions if you're less stimulated at the time of processing these emotions, than you are on average throughout the day.  Basically, I think it's important to have an attention surplus, to feel too energetic for the situation at hand.  That way you build up energy and antsiness, but you hold strong through the temptations to get up.  I would largely correlate how effective my meditations feel with how many times I redirect my ego to the present moment, and that energy excess caused by light music/no music meditation sessions cultivates the perfect environment to say "no ego, yes being".  I think there is more to be said about music in terms of just it's something so core to how many people connect with the world and express themselves, but that's for another day.

Dancing is low-key underrated.  I think first of all, it forces you to address a lot of tension in your body.  It's much easier to see what parts of your body you are failing to loosen up when you're dancing.  This is important because a relaxed body is important for a relaxed mind, there is a reason why many meditation sessions begin with a body scan.  Dancing also forces you to be present with the song.  When I'm not dancing, and I'm listening to music, too often I'll open up reddit or some forums,  and this is often used as a defense mechanism from me feeling some emotion that may have popped up during the song.  However, when I'm dancing, I'm much more forced to be in the moment and feeling the song.  So it's a good way to say, this time is about music and dancing, this time is about relating with the music and feeling my own emotions and channeling that into a dance.  This moment isn't about me checking Reddit every five minutes.  Dancing keeps me honest to that.  I think there's also something to be said about dancing in regards to perfectionists like myself.  It's a good opportunity to not take yourself or your work so seriously.  If you can't dance like a toddler while looking at yourself in the mirror, maybe you take yourself too seriously.  Dancing gives me a chance to just confront my lack of perfection with my toddlerisk dance moves,  I can kind of fight through my own inner-judgement and cringe and this helps me with my confidence in every day life.

[Zigzag Idiot]

You're Awake and notice the difference between Itoklanoz awareness and Fulasnitamnian Awareness/knowing. But that's not for me to say. Are you in Fulasnitamnian Awareness?

Most of my life my identity and personality both were whatever was coming out of the car speaker. 

The constant capacity for Spontaneous Disco is at a pretty high level. I'm not quite there yet.

 

[zambize]

11 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

You're Awake and notice the difference between Itoklanoz awareness and Fulasnitamnian Awareness/knowing. But that's not for me to say. Are you in Fulasnitamnian Awareness?

Most of my life my identity and personality both were whatever was coming out of the car speaker. 

The constant capacity for Spontaneous Disco is at a pretty high level. I'm not quite there yet.

 

I actually dont know, I'm not that good at theory or vocabulary around enlightenment so I honestly hadn't heard of those two terms used.  I can say there have been distinct changes in my life in regards to my awareness and how I perceive the world, I just dont know if those represent the same shift that the two terms you used point to D::  

[Zigzag Idiot]

From my perspective as a student of the Fourth Way you seem to have that balanced wisdom that comes from discerning these two states and knowing that you cross this boundary because you have felt and observed the experience of it. You not claiming it when I throw it out cinches the deal. I was kinda being a joker throwing out the Gurdjieff terms for 2 Centered Awareness and 3 Centered Awareness. You may not know the vocabulary of the Fourth Way but the practical knowledge of shows in your being.

Of what forum topics I've read of your ideas and opinions, I can't remember having a contrasting view with anything you've written.

Im not trying to flatter you.

Just calling it like I see it.

[Shin]

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

Rereading my post I sound arrogant. Which might mean I'm at yellow but then so are you.

 

Not you @Shin you still have green coping mechanism

Edited March 16, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot

[zambize]

31 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

From my perspective as a student of the Fourth Way you seem to have that balanced wisdom that comes from discerning these two states and knowing that you cross this boundary because you have felt and observed the experience of it. You not claiming it when I throw it out cinches the deal. I was kinda being a joker throwing out the Gurdjieff terms for 2 Centered Awareness and 3 Centered Awareness. You may not know the vocabulary of the Fourth Way but the practical knowledge of shows in your being.

Of what forum topics I've read of your ideas and opinions, I can't remember having a contrasting view with anything you've written.

Im not trying to flatter you.

Just calling it like I see it.

I appreciate the feedback <3. When we disagree, you should let me know, I feel like I havent had too many people disagree with me recently and it's good exposure training for me because I still cling to my worldview and it's nice to have it challenged 

Edited March 16, 2019 by zambize

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 

Rereading my post I sound arrogant. Which might mean I'm at yellow but then so are you.

 

Not you @Shin you still have green coping mechanism

 

Like what ?

And fuck you

[How to be wise]

@Shin Dude, you watch one piece? So do I. Let’s talk about the episode coming out tomorrow.

[Shin]

1 minute ago, How to be wise said:

@Shin Dude, you watch one piece? So do I. Let’s talk about the episode coming out tomorrow.

If you do this:

 

 

I'm only at episode 800

[Zigzag Idiot]

6 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

Like what ?

And fuck you

Dissociation through humor

mock anger

Youre a riot ?

[Shin]

32 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Dissociation through humor

mock anger

Youre a riot ?

Yeah I agree, but I'm aware of doing it though so don't worry baby

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Shin you help the part of me which is 'Aspergers boy', learn to engage more freely in banter.

[zambize]

I had a good six hours or so of travel that I spent processing emotions, definitely a relief.  I had a lot on my plate from an acid trip and general life stress that went unprocessed.

Let's start with what I could do better, then we will talk about what I did well and how I can expand upon that.

I still need to slow down my life a bit more,  I quit League of Legends almost completely replacing it largely with listening to music, and hanging out with friends.  I can still tell it's not quite enough and my mind is a bit overstimulated.  When listening to slower songs that I know I like, I feel the itch come up to change songs, especially when an uncomfortable emotion comes up.  I'm particularly aware of this now, at least to the point that when it happens my internal alerts go off and warn me that what I'm doing is potentially harmful.  I plan on going outside even more now that it's nice, allocating more time to creative outlets for my emotions (art/dance/etc), and overall introducing more silence into my life.

So today more than ever, I avoided doing the stupid shit I often do when dealing with repressed emotions.  My repressed emotions manifest in my experience largely two-fold.  There is a tension in my third eye that takes various shapes and intensities, but it's centered around my third eye.  With this tension in my third-eye there is an associated emotion that manifests itself in my emotional body.  Experientially this emotional pain is located an inch or so below my belly button and would most resemble anxiety.  I have to use a bit of an analogy to explain how I fuck up in emotional processing.  Say my emotional pain is this beast, and I'm pulling on this rope to bring this beast closer and closer so I can deal with it.  Where I go wrong sometimes is I try to pull super hard, all at once and pull this beast all over to me in one nudge.  So I throw myself into the emotional pain but lose my footing in trying to do it so aggressively for a short burst.  Today I did a really good job at addressing my emotional pain in a sustainable manner.  I put one hand in front of the other, I kept tension on the rope instead of trying to do it all at once, throughout six hours I slowly and methodically pulled this beast closer and closer.  I addressed my pain with a sort of constant, controlled, tenderness that I haven't seen in myself to date so I'm pretty excited about that. I feel like the suffering I'm dealing with now is scraps compared to what I've dealt with, which I'm excited about.  I'm very confident about my ability to deal with the rest of reality that I'm resisting.  

 

 

Future reminder to me:  You want to write about masculinity/femininity, how both manifest themselves in you and the pros and cons of that, as well as where you want to see yourself in the future in regards to expressing your own internal masculinity/femininity. Note to talk about your emotional vulnerability as a child and how your personality adapted to accommodate that

[zambize]

<3 

 

[Shin]

Are you

Dead ?

?

[zambize]

Today I went to the park.  I saw some people LARPing.  It made me think of my childhood. Me and my neighbors would go out exploring in the woods as heros with all sorts of powers such as stopping time.  When I feel nostalgic I think of these times, the park made me feel that way.  I sat on the swing alone thinking about how well I did as a kid at just being in the moment and having a good time.  Today I felt pretty sick of theory, I didn't like that I thought of swinging in terms of what it could do to my personal development.  Fuck that,  I just want to swing yo.  I was able to relax and just be present, but I really don't want to overthink things in my life in terms of how they will effect my future.  The mind kind of struggles when it has to find balance, and can't lean on simple answers on either extreme.  I genuinely want to look at my life and be critical and analytical, but I can see where that balance has been swayed too far in the direction of being overly analytical and not enough carefree going with the flow.  I'm such a sucker for female compassion too, I felt really loved last night like God gave me a hug and left me with some chills.  It was only for a little bit, but I like hugs and feeling loved. Let's shoot for more of that <3

I still want to give a technical talk on masculinity/femininity though 

[zambize]

6 minutes ago, Shin said:

Are you

Dead ?

?

Soon :^)

[Shin]

Just now, zambize said:

Soon :^)

 

I thought it was soon 2 years ago,

Someone I know 10 years prior to his realization.

 

[zambize]

6 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

I thought it was soon 2 years ago,

Someone I know 10 years prior to his realization.

 

Well it's a good thing I'm in no rush <3