Ego mini panic attack

[Freakrik]

just had a mini panic attack. my ego is confused about reality. Feels like all of the things i looking forward to. Earning money so i can travel europe with my friends, Doing pick up, meeting women that i can connect to on an authentic connect to. Having fun memories. Just in a second can be ripped away as meaningless and i will be left with an empty reality that lost its magic. Is this a side effect on meditaion? i remember dark side of meditation. I am not ready for awekening. I got too high on weed an that was too much for me. I love this reality too much. 

[Shin]

Is this a thought or did it actually happened ?

[zambize]

You can have an existential crisis with or without meditating, trust me  but that's not to say when we make big changes in our life, there isnt a bit of ego backlash.  I think it's for you to judge how much change you've been making in your life, and whether you need to slow down, change directions etc.  

Also dont get hung up on there not being meaning, it's really not a particularly useful statement, as those same people say there isnt meaninglessness either.  Its typically said to just emphasize that meaning is a relative truth created by the mind, so you're welcome to create meaning where you want to, or you're welxome to consider the world meaningless.  That's on you, universe doesnt have anything called meaning but you're welcome to create your own.

If you're genuinely happy, then just relax and live your life

[Freakrik]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

Is this a thought or did it actually happened ?

Tbh i both and neither. I Don't know. I just had a feeling that everything could be ripped away

[Shin]

The only things that will be stripped away is the neurotics and not authentic motivations you have.

You won't miss them, and if you fear that, then that means you actually wants to suffer.

Edited March 15, 2019 by Shin

[Freakrik]

On 2019-03-15 at 5:56 PM, Shin said:

The only things that will be stripped away is the neurotics and not authentic motivations you have.

You won't miss them, and if you fear that, then that means you actually wants to suffer.

and my authentic motivations are gonna be sitting down an meditate. Because from what i have heard from leo etc that is what my authentic motivations are

[ajasatya]

On 15/03/2019 at 11:24 AM, Freakrik said:

i will be left with an empty reality that lost its magic

if reality has lost its magic, then explain to me: how come there exists something instead of nothing?

[Forestluv]

On 3/15/2019 at 10:24 AM, Freakrik said:

Feels like all of the things i looking forward to. Earning money so i can travel europe with my friends, Doing pick up, meeting women that i can connect to on an authentic connect to. Having fun memories. Just in a second can be ripped away as meaningless and i will be left with an empty reality that lost its magic.

To me, what you write brings up the contrast between life in the storyline and what is Now. I also like the storyline. I like thinking about time. Memories and hopes/dreams for the future. It has deep meaning for me and there is a type of magic to it.

We don't have to reject or destroy the storyline and living within the timeline. There is a beauty about that. Yet if we are 100% immersed in the timeline, we are missing out on something else that is very special as well. Now. There is also a magic is now that is extraordinary. There is curiosity, connection, flow and all sorts of realms to explore. Imagine times in your life when you were 100% in the moment experiencing the moment. Perhaps playing a sport or a musical instrument. There was no "you". In that moment, you weren't doing it to impress anyone or gain anything. It was an expression of love and joy in the moment.

When I first started having awakenings of Now, I thought I had to get rid of the story. I thought I had to be 100% in Now to be a spiritual person. This just caused lots of inner strife in me. Eventually, I realized I couldn't do it. What helped me was to step out of either/or thinking. I realized I was spending less than 1% of my day fully immersed in Now. So I made a goal of spending 20% of my day completely immersed in Now and 80% of my day within the timeline. This greatly increased my quality of life.

[Freakrik]

On 2019-03-26 at 2:54 PM, Serotoninluv said:

To me, what you write brings up the contrast between life in the storyline and what is Now. I also like the storyline. I like thinking about time. Memories and hopes/dreams for the future. It has deep meaning for me and there is a type of magic to it.

We don't have to reject or destroy the storyline and living within the timeline. There is a beauty about that. Yet if we are 100% immersed in the timeline, we are missing out on something else that is very special as well. Now. There is also a magic is now that is extraordinary. There is curiosity, connection, flow and all sorts of realms to explore. Imagine times in your life when you were 100% in the moment experiencing the moment. Perhaps playing a sport or a musical instrument. There was no "you". In that moment, you weren't doing it to impress anyone or gain anything. It was an expression of love and joy in the moment.

When I first started having awakenings of Now, I thought I had to get rid of the story. I thought I had to be 100% in Now to be a spiritual person. This just caused lots of inner strife in me. Eventually, I realized I couldn't do it. What helped me was to step out of either/or thinking. I realized I was spending less than 1% of my day fully immersed in Now. So I made a goal of spending 20% of my day completely immersed in Now and 80% of my day within the timeline. This greatly increased my quality of life.

4

yes ofc i want to be more in the now. I think breaking the parts of your ego who wants to impress is a good thing. And when i am doing pick up and meeting women i want to be 100% in the now. But givining up on my plans. F no. What do you mean with no you in the moment. I now the ego is an illution but just because i am doing something in the now as an expression of love and joy. That does not mean that "i" am not there. I am there experience everthing 

[pointessa]

@Freakrik  Maintain your fantasies about the future, if you like. Do what you can to make them happen and let go of trying to force a specific outcome. The experience of this life will go by much quicker than you can ever imagine.

Edited April 2, 2019 by pointessa

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Freakrik said:

yes ofc i want to be more in the now. I think breaking the parts of your ego who wants to impress is a good thing. And when i am doing pick up and meeting women i want to be 100% in the now. But givining up on my plans. F no. What do you mean with no you in the moment. I now the ego is an illution but just because i am doing something in the now as an expression of love and joy. That does not mean that "i" am not there. I am there experience everthing 

This is just my experience. I found I can get too caught up in the timeline, in the storyline. I’m not saying to reject the story, memories, goals, plans etc. As you’ve said, there is magic in that. Yet what I’ve found is when I become over immersed in the storyline/timeline it becomes problematic and the magic kinda gets distorted. 

I’ve found it best to have a balance between tge timeline and Now. Not to reject one or the other. A balance. There is sooo much to explore in Now. So much to discover, experience and be. Now, without the story or timeline. 

I think of it like salt and pepper. I like both and I like having a balance. Too much salt or too much pepper doesn’t taste so good.

[Aakash]

@Serotoninluv have you ever had a glimpse of self realisation? or do you play coy like you don't know what it is ? 

[Forestluv]

5 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@Serotoninluv have you ever had a glimpse of self realisation? or do you play coy like you don't know what it is ? 

I don’t know what your idea of self realization is. 

[Aakash]

@Serotoninluv umm that there is no you. and that you is witness consciousness, 

since you get immersed in the story line, i guess that means you haven't but you also seems very intelligent and literate that i wouldn't put it past you to be playing coy. i could just never tell, so i'm just asking out of curiousity lol

[Forestluv]

10 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@Serotoninluv umm that there is no you. and that you is witness consciousness, 

That witness consciousness and the storyline are not mutually exclusive. 

Imagine you are in a cafe and there is witness consciousness of the background chatter. Does the prescence of the background chatter mean there is no witness consciousness?

What if I said sometimes I like the background chatter and sometimes I get too imnersed in background chatter and don’t like it. Would that mean I don’t realize there is background chatter?

There is also a storyline about the self, realization and awakening. I kinda like it at times and it can be useful. Other times there is too much immersion in that awakening storyline. Would a rabbit understand that storyline? Would nature understand it?

 

[Javfly33]

On 15/3/2019 at 3:24 PM, Freakrik said:

just had a mini panic attack. my ego is confused about reality. Feels like all of the things i looking forward to. Earning money so i can travel europe with my friends, Doing pick up, meeting women that i can connect to on an authentic connect to. Having fun memories. Just in a second can be ripped away as meaningless and i will be left with an empty reality that lost its magic. Is this a side effect on meditaion? i remember dark side of meditation. I am not ready for awekening. I got too high on weed an that was too much for me. I love this reality too much. 

Don´t worry, if "you" had a panic attack, you just got lost (again) in your ego delusion mechanism. 

 Ego loves reality too much, of course. That´s why the knowledge of the truth must be gradual. That´s why instant enlightment from psychedelics never happen. Forcing the ego to die, when its not ready, will mean that once you come down from the experience, ego will be back to be the one who wants to be in control. 

[Aakash]

5 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

That witness consciousness and the storyline are not mutually exclusive. 

yeah this is true 

sorry i didn't understand the analagy you used, can you use another

[Forestluv]

11 minutes ago, Aakash said:

yeah this is true 

sorry i didn't understand the analagy you used, can you use another

There is a story of self realization. There are stories of awakening and enlightenment They can be beautiful, helpful and useful at times, yet stories nonetheless. 

Whether I am self realized, intelligent, playing coy. . . all stories. They can be useful and fun - yet I’ve found over-immersion causes problems within the human mind-body.

[Aakash]

okay i understand, lol again was fabulous wording for seratoninluv, thanks for answering my question. 

 

[Forestluv]

11 minutes ago, Aakash said:

okay i understand, lol again was fabulous wording for seratoninluv, thanks for answering my question. 

Sure. 

It’s just what’s arising in my mind right now based on my experience. It may have value for some and may lack value for some.