Psychosis, Psychadelics

[tashawoodfall]

About 5 years ago I had life changing experiences that I first want to briefly share.  At the time I was ‘stuck’ in an abusive relationship.  Long story short I lost my mind 5 times within that year which caused trauma that I’ve since worked a lot through. It’s never happened before that and hasn’t happened since.  I got out of the relationship and got myself and life together (all without medication or in-person therapy).  Leo/actualized.org helped to save my life and started me on a path to a lifetime of personal development.  I vividly remember ‘coming back to reality’ in desperation and terror that I’d lose my mind and in a sense—myself again.  I was shaking in terror and googling for help and that’s when I found Leo’s early videos which was the only thing at the time that gave me hope for life and change. 

My life has dramatically changed since then.  Anyway, I’m now planning to explore topics such as tarot, lucid dreaming, astrology, spirit guides and psychedelics.  I think this will help me embrace more of stage green. 

Reading bad trip reports sort of reminds me of what it felt like to come back to reality from a psychotic episode and the terror that comes with losing your mind or being stuck in a forever hell.  There have been times where I was so lost in my mind that I had an irrational belief that if I fell asleep I would die.  With all this at a certain point I’ve learned to let go and surrender to ‘death’ because that was the only way to sleep and even at one point I stayed awake for 4 days until finally I surrendered. I’m curious what this will mean when trying psychedelics. 

With my past experiences of psychosis, I’m very familiar with the terror that comes with losing your mind or—your self and with total surrender.

Edited March 10, 2019 by tashawoodfall

[Markus]

@tashawoodfall I don't think psychedelics are a good idea with a history of psychosis.

[Forestluv]

6 hours ago, tashawoodfall said:

I’m curious what this will mean when trying psychedelics. 

There are many variables on a trip. And there are many ways things unfold during a trip. Even the same person, same setting and same dosage can yield two very different trips in two different time points.

What you describe is a dynamic within psychedelics- with various degrees of intensity. There are lessons and growth within that dynamic, yet it is not the only dynamic. There are many other realms to explore. There are awakenings and stories that don’t involve anxiety and trapness. There are also realms of freedom, oneness and beauty. Yet expecting or demanding something from a trip can create turmoil within the trip. Even a sense of personal wanting can influence the energy dynamics of a trip. Ime, it’s best to be humble and place certain bags down before entering through the gate. 

If concerns have arisen in a mind-body, I would be extra mindful. Something is being communicated through the mind-body. I would consider establishing a grounded spiritual practice prior to introducing psychedelics. If called toward a psychedelic, I would use a low dose and take care when choosing a setting.

And beware of charlatans in related areas.

[Tistepiste]

Watch out with psychedelics I would say. You will almost literally meet your trauma in person again and have no choice but to face it.
The trip in itself can bring back and magnify the trauma. If you don't really know how to deal with that properly, I'd advice you to take caution

[SgtPepper]

Notice how you "lost your mind" when you were in your abusive relationship.

That happened because of the stress and trauma associated with being in that kind of environment.

If you trip in a place you feel safe and decorate your trip space with joyful stuff (for you), I think it will be OK. I would say that the kind of experience you described in your psychosis is not how psychedelics have made me feel or think. Although it can be wild, if I'm in a safe place, I can calm myself and surrender.

My first real psychedelic trip (3.5g Psilocybin) at a public park (big one) healed my self esteem and helped me let go of past baggage, I felt reborn.

Maybe consider therapy if you feel you are still holding on to your past and are afraid of a bad trip. You can also try a low dose or look into MDMA which is suppose to be very positive experience.

[Highest]

Psychosis: been there, done that ? I was there for about 8 months about 2 years ago now. Saw everything as One energy and consciousness. All objects, matter, human beings, everything. Energy coming in and out of me from Everything. I know my psychosis was a spiritual awakening.

It was more real than real, actuality, Truth, direct experience. psychosis and spiritual awakening are identical. Only those who have actually experienced it, and are conscious and awake enough will understand that.

Now I know it was all God cuz I am conscious of God now and that ONLY GOD IS

.

[Charlotte]

 

[tashawoodfall]

@Highest yes I understand.  I was convinced I had an enlightenment experience but I’m not so sure anymore.  Spirituality and learning about enlightenment/the truth of no self became an escape for me when I felt stuck in an abusive relationship and that contributed to the psychotic episodes I experienced. 

The crazy thing is the different doctors at different psych wards diagnosed me different things.  I basically had been diagnosed everything from depression to schizophrenic to bipolar etc and then finally towards the end I went in for an actual sit down over 1 hour analysis where I was asked endless questions and at that time got the diagnosis of PTSD.  Went in for another sit down about 2 years ago and didn’t get a diagnosis ??‍♀️ I also think the medications they were shooting me up with and the fact I couldn’t escape the psych ward and had experiences where I’d try to escape and be tranquilized etc made things harder.  Also lived homeless on the street by myself and was assaulted etc so my mind checked out to protect me...

Good news is I’ve worked on the trauma a LOT.  

I was entrenched in stage orange for the years following the traumatic experiences to prove myself and get my self worth back.  Became the most financially successful in my family..but now see through the curtains...

but now I’m a little hesitant to get back into spiritual practices etc but know it’s just fear based programming.  

I understand why some of you say it’s a bad idea, I understand where that perspective is coming from but I don’t see the downside ?

anyway just wanted to point out there are similarities it seems between the two experiences.

[Highest]

@tashawoodfall Fuck the doctors and their diagnoses. They work from and believe in the deluded materialist paradigm. All they believe in is the brain which is an illusion. You know your direct experience and that it was real, that’s it.

But also move forward now, going back there and being there is no bullshit. You understand me bro?

[tashawoodfall]

3 minutes ago, Highest said:

They work from and believe in the deluded materialist paradigm. All they believe in is the brain which is an illusion.

Yes.  And I’m happy I’ve had real experiences that have proved to me the illusion of it all...

It was the best time of my life ? it changed my whole life! When looking back it feels good, not hurtful anymore ?

and im a chick... ?

[Forestluv]

@tashawoodfall There can be a psychosis aspect to psychedelics. I’ve entered insanity zones several times on higher doses. 

Yet lower doses have a very different effect. It can be relaxing and insightful. I feel so connected with other humans, animals and nature. And so creative.

Have you considered mico or mini dosing?

[Highest]

@tashawoodfall I’m happy to hear that ? It indeed changes your life and I will never forget it. When I think about it, I’m always remembered of how awesome we and reality is.

[Highest]

@Serotoninluv A friend of mine who has taken a lot of lsd and DMT told me once that lsd and DMT is basically the same as psychosis. What are your thoughts on that?

[tashawoodfall]

Yes I plan to start off with a mini dose.  The insanity zone isn’t all that bad especially if you’ve gotten rid of religious beliefs...because having those and losing touch with reality can be a very scary experience ?. Also it naturally happens as a defense mechanism when under severe stress for too long and when I say defense I mean the mind has pleasant beliefs that are irrational to the average person to stop the pain and instead experience bliss...

 I’m actually excited to witness another reality and think my beliefs are primed to experience ‘truth’.  I’m also looking forward to coming back and reflecting.  There’s very little if not nothing.. I can’t handle and overcome ? 

Edited March 13, 2019 by tashawoodfall

[Highest]

@tashawoodfall Yeah, I never went insane too because I knew it was the Truth and reality. It was my direct experience this very second. I fully surrendered, in fact it was all controlled by a higher and very intelligent force. I had also left my religion (Islam) at age 16. 

Start off with a mini dose, that’s a great plan ? 

But I had only One very real scary as fuck experience where I became possesed by a demon or devil, it was a dark shadow and evil at least. Too tired to explain what happened after that but the demon was gone with after about 30 min by an energy I could only say was from GOD itself. As I said previously in another topic, If I told you what I experienced you would either think I’m crazy or that I’m making it up. But this is reality??

[Forestluv]

40 minutes ago, Highest said:

@Serotoninluv A friend of mine who has taken a lot of lsd and DMT told me once that lsd and DMT is basically the same as psychosis. What are your thoughts on that?

I haven’t done dmt, yet I’ve done lsd a bunch of times. It can take a person to a variety of different realms, insanity is just one of the realms, yet I think newbies at lower conscious levels are more at risk because it’s so unfamiliar. 

One of the hard parts is letting go and surrendering. At higher doses, you are giving the keys of the car to who knows what and heading to who knows where. Struggling to maintain control of the mind makes it worse. Also, the concept of time dissolves. There is no difference between four minutes and four days. There is only the eternal now, so it really feels like whatever is happening is eternal and there is no stopping it. There is insanity and also anxiety and panic. Yet if I stop resisting, the tone shifts. Yet it can be hard really hard to do because this reality is as real as a sober reality. 

I can see how people call these “bad” trips. I would not choose this type of trip. Yet they have greatly expanded and deepened my consciousness. I can honestly say I’ve experienced various forms of psychosis. During one trip there was a message “this is the mind of a schizophrenic” and off we went. . .  After these experiences, I relate totally differently with people that have had psychosis and other forms of mental disorders. There is an empathetic connection we share. These days students regularly come to my office to talk about their mental issues with me. PTSD, ADHD, autism, panic, depression, OCD, nervous breakdowns - all of it. They intuitively know that I know through experience and there is no judgement. Sometimes they give me a look of surprise and relief that I get it. It can be beautiful. I never would have thought this would be one of my roles in life. 

[Highest]

@Serotoninluv Awesome bro? I’m really happy for you.

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, Highest said:

@Serotoninluv Awesome bro? I’m really happy for you.

We are all inter-connected as One. Human minds create a separate self. Once that self dissolves, we see and experience the higher Self through all other beings.

[Highest]

@Serotoninluv True, everything is actually inter-connected as One energy or consciousness. I experienced that and literally saw that under my psychosis.

Btw you understand that there is no distinction between insanity and not insanity. In our case I would say insanity is sanity. There is no real insanity really.

[Forestluv]

8 minutes ago, Highest said:

 

Btw you understand that there is no distinction between insanity and not insanity. In our case I would say insanity is sanity. There is no real insanity really.

Yes. Each conscious state is as real and normal as any other. I just use the term “insane” because people are familiar with that term and assume their own state of mind is “sane”. I don’t consider different mind states to be insane or a mental disorder. 

If anything, I would say a standard egoic state of mind is more delusional than a psychedelic state of mind.