I just did self inquiry for the first time and it SUCKED ASS

[moon777light]

I put the timer for 45 minutes but lasted 33 min. It became unbearable. My thoughts and weird sensations flooded the mind like...a flood --_-- 

its so uncomfortable and i dont even know if i did it right. Like im trying to put awareness on awareness itself/observe observation itself, but i end up instinctively going inside my mind/brain, and feel that my head hurts. Your not supposed to focus on any feeling since thats false self, but how is it possible when its constantly knocking in your head saying "hellouu im here!!"

ON the positive, if this can be positive, i got a weird feeling where i almost lifted out of my head, and i got a weird feeling where my hand wasnt me. almost like an out of body experience. But that doesnt mean anything, just a weird phenomenon.

So what im trying to say is, how do i know that im doing this right? how do i know im not sneakily focusing on some feeling of "expansion" which is just the false self. its hard especially when i hear a small noise, like a bird chirp, to not subconsciously affirm that i heard that noise, which means i just distracted myself by focusing on a sound and not awareness. 

Also any good books on self inquiry? WHen i type self inquiry into google, all the titles that come up are some random books that have very few reviews

[Joseph Maynor]

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Salvijus]

"Invitation To Freedom" - Mooji. A good book for self-enquiry. The beautiful thing is as you read the book, self-enquiry starts to happen automatically in you as if the words are facilitating and guiding you.

Anyways..... My advise. You will most probably do it wrong unless you follow masters guidence. 

Self-inquiry is not a mental game. It's a process of looking, and observing what is true. That confusion and that voice, "but how can I get it, how can I see the perceiver" it's coming from the mind. It's also a sign that you're doing mental nonsense. 

If you do authentic self inquiry you should move towards silence not confusion. But i guess it's natural in the beggining to be confused don't worry about it.

Just use this video next time you do self-enquiry. And let his words sink into you. It will activate authentic self-enquiry from inside. You'll see it will be totally different then doing mental gymanastics: Witness the witness, witness, witness, the witness, witness, witness... Endlessly you'll go like that with your mind.

 

 

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Salvijus

[okulele]

There is so much good self-inqury material on youtube. Mooji and Rupert Spira are amazing. Listen to them and catch the vibe. Self-Inquiry is really not about doing anything, the questioning is just there in the beginning to get the mind to give up, so to say. Listen to them and in a bit you might discover a sense of peace and stillness. That's a good sign

If you insist on a book then 'I AM THAT' by Nisargadatta Maharaj is really good, and can cut through your beliefs about yourself and reality well. When the beliefs are out of the picture, you are in a state of inquiry.

 

[SriBhagwanYogi]

Try this it will help and just dont try to grab awarness like its some kind of object, focus on breath to still your mind then do it. 

[NoSelfSelf]

First year of daily self inquiry i didnt know where to look even...i always had enlightement experiences on the end of the day while inquiring for 7 8 hours ?? fetus position with suicidal thoughts ? nothing new cuz its just higher anxiety that was normal daily occurence...you are here alone and has to push through i have no advice

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, moon777light said:

I put the timer for 45 minutes but lasted 33 min. It became unbearable. My thoughts and weird sensations flooded the mind like...a flood --_-- 

its so uncomfortable and i dont even know if i did it right. Like im trying to put awareness on awareness itself/observe observation itself, but i end up instinctively going inside my mind/brain, and feel that my head hurts. Your not supposed to focus on any feeling since thats false self, but how is it possible when its constantly knocking in your head saying "hellouu im here!!"

ON the positive, if this can be positive, i got a weird feeling where i almost lifted out of my head, and i got a weird feeling where my hand wasnt me. almost like an out of body experience. But that doesnt mean anything, just a weird phenomenon.

So what im trying to say is, how do i know that im doing this right? how do i know im not sneakily focusing on some feeling of "expansion" which is just the false self. its hard especially when i hear a small noise, like a bird chirp, to not subconsciously affirm that i heard that noise, which means i just distracted myself by focusing on a sound and not awareness. 

Also any good books on self inquiry? WHen i type self inquiry into google, all the titles that come up are some random books that have very few reviews

Welcome to bravery. Very nice!

You will likely “sneakily be focusing” on a variety of thoughts, sensations and perceptions, swept up in the distractions. This is doing the work, so to speak, and you’re doing it. 

Persist with... who is aware of that thought? What is aware of that sensation? Who knows that perception? 

Just keep letting go of every answer, every thought, sensation and perception. Be ridiculously generous - by being willing to - let each go. 

Be sure notice how, right no, you did some self inquiry - and you’re fine. 

Look, right now - how uneventful it actually was. Nothing hurt you, nothing changed you, you’re fine. 

Much like the relief upon waking from a nightmare and realizing, “It was just a dream, I’m totally fine!”.

You can now say, “It was just thoughts, sensations and perceptions - “I’m fine!”.

Knowing that , keep going!!

[Shin]

"What is perceiving that thought/mind/body"
"What is perceiving the perceiver ?"
"What is perceiving consciousness ?

"What I was before I was born ?"
"What I am when I'm sleeping ?"
"What I am when I'm unconscious ?"

 

 

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Shin

[mandyjw]

The bird is already enlightened. Let the bird chirp and hear the beauty in it. Otherwise you get stuck in thoughts of should and should not and annoyance. Just keep coming back to your point of focus. If you didn't go away from it you wouldn't be strengthening anything by doing the practice. The bird is you own enlightened zen master. 

[Pouya]

Try out contemplation with a notebook for a while.

Leo has a video about it.

[Markus]

@moon777light I'm not personally a self-inquiry fan but there's basically two forms of self-inquiry. One is keeping awareness on awareness (or the self) and the other one is trying to find the self/become conscious of what you are.

The first version is one taught by Ramana Maharshi. Ramaji has some videos explaining it quite well I believe. There's also a really simple version taught by Rupert Spira, so you can check out his videos on it. 

The other version is described quite well by Leo, where you try to put your attention on the truest sense of self you can find at the moment (which moves) and wonder "what am I?" 

With the second version especially, it can be frustrating. it's very normal to believe you're doing self-inquiry wrong. You're not.

[Joseph Maynor]

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

The bird is already enlightened. Let the bird chirp and hear the beauty in it. Otherwise you get stuck in thoughts of should and should not and annoyance. Just keep coming back to your point of focus. If you didn't go away from it you wouldn't be strengthening anything by doing the practice. The bird is you own enlightened zen master. 

Zen is a tool for transcending the Mind.  I just discovered Zen recently and it's amazing that I was already aligned with a lot of its insights without ever studying it.

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Shin]

17 minutes ago, Markus said:

@moon777light

 it's very normal to believe you're doing self-inquiry wrong. You're not.

[FoxFoxFox]

@moon777light Ignore all the drivel posted above. 

The point of self-inquiry is to ground you in the Self. Nothing else matters.

The Self is your own existence. It is the fact that you exist. It is not a sensation, or feeling, or thought, or emotion. It is not the feeling of trapped air in your chest.

You know that you exist, and that existence does not originate from anywhere. You simply exist. Your existence is the first phenomena from which all other phenomena emerge.

Self-inquiry is meant to show you that the world of phenomena emerges from this "existence" spontaneously, in form of sense perceptions and subsequent mental labeling. If you take a thought as it appears within you and trace it, you'll see that it just appears out of nowhere.

Knowing this, holding on to it at all times, is enlightenment. 

Do not fall in the trap of "observing the observation", in the sense that don't try to objectify the Self, because it cannot be done.

[moon777light]

thanks guys for all the answers.

@SriBhagwanYogi @Markus i did the rupert spira meditation in the video provided and it was a game changer. I admit i never liked his videos because i always saw it as slow talking, philosophizing while not going anywhere, but it really helped. Markus, i thought the way he teaches in the videos (leo) is keeping awareness on awareness itself, he said that several times throughout the video?

23 hours ago, FoxFoxFox said:

The Self is your own existence. It is the fact that you exist. It is not a sensation, or feeling, or thought, or emotion. It is not the feeling of trapped air in your chest.

23 hours ago, FoxFoxFox said:

Do not fall in the trap of "observing the observation", in the sense that don't try to objectify the Self, because it cannot be done

thats the hardest part to me, just experiencing without getting tossed around by sensations and thoughts like trying to swim in the sea when there are crazy waves throwing you off course. But thats what practice is for

@Pouya i did that and its pretty good

Oof, i actually tried to get through the mooji one, but i didnt get what he was saying most of the time. 

[Salvijus]

35 minutes ago, moon777light said:

Oof, i actually tried to get through the mooji one, but i didnt get what he was saying most of the time. 

... Too bad... 

But the reason you don't understand him is the same reason you're not getting self-enquiry right (maybe.. idk.)

For me Mooji's self-enquiry is 180degrees different then anything else i've heard before. It's a very subtle difference but at the same time a game changing difference. But maybe it's just me. 

 

Edited March 12, 2019 by Salvijus

[nistake]

Maybe you could do some preparatory excercises beforehand.

For example, Kriya is excellent for calming your mind so that you can focus on the actual proper inquiry and you don't chase random thoughts and sensations.

[Markus]

54 minutes ago, moon777light said:

 Markus, i thought the way he teaches in the videos (leo) is keeping awareness on awareness itself, he said that several times throughout the video?

I stand corrected then. I said it based off of the "How To Become Enlightened" video which I watched years ago.

[Forestluv]

1 hour ago, moon777light said:

thats the hardest part to me, just experiencing without getting tossed around by sensations and thoughts like trying to swim in the sea when there are crazy waves throwing you off course. But thats what practice is for

One of my favorite imagery is dropping down below the waves. 

Another I like is sitting peacefully within a storm. When I let go of trying to control the storm there can be a sense of peace, whether or not the storm passes.

[zambize]

That's cool you are trying different styles and teachers, everyone has their own taste seemingly, their favorite meditation technique.  Exploring different techniques to find what you like is also just fun in general, like trying new foods