Should I marry?

[Highest]

I’m originally from Tyrkia born in Norway. My father is there now and a girl asked my father if she could marry me. We have meet a couple of times before, she lives in the same area I live in Tyrkia. She is a very kind and cute girl. She told my father that she likes me and wants to marry me. 

But I do a lot of consciousness work and self-inqury work. And to marry and have a child takes a lot of time and responsibility.

Should I marry. What do you think?

[ajasatya]

@Highest you don't have a clear idea about that, so i wouldn't do it for now. you don't seem to know each other enough.

[Highest]

15 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@Highest you don't have a clear idea about that, so i wouldn't do it for now. you don't seem to know each other enough.

But I will meet her this summer and then really get to know her. Anyways, when we marry we will really connect and know each other. 

[Shadowraix]

1 minute ago, Highest said:

But I will meet her this summer and then really get to know her. Anyways, when we marry we will really connect and know each other. 

What does that say when you need marriage to connect and know each other? You must appreciate the amount of dedication required to make marriage work. If you go into it without having enough, it won't end well. 

This is why people connect before they marry. You need a foundation to build on build that before you marry. 

[Highest]

@Shadowraix So what you say is that we should be friends or know each other at least a year or something before marrying?

[Emerald]

I recommend having a relationship for a few years before considering marriage. That might be looked down upon culturally, but you really need that to know if you're going to be compatible long-term. And since marriage is a strong commitment that will totally fuck up your life if you get it wrong, you should really know her EXTREMELY well and enjoy her company before considering marriage.

[Highest]

@Emerald Yes, you are actually right.

[legendary]

https://www.primermagazine.com/2013/love/surviving-the-end-of-the-honeymoon-period

[mandyjw]

That's not a question that should be answered on an intellectual level or that anyone can answer for you. Getting married and having a family is a bigger challenge than just focusing on spirituality but if you can stay present during all the responsibilities and distractions you can still evolve as much or more than if you set everything aside to focus. Because it's a bigger challenge you may be more likely to fail at it so it takes both a huge commitment to your family and your spirituality. 

[Dumb Enlightened]

Man, I think you shouldn't marry someone that you don't know very well, usually it takes years in a relationship to know the person, so it would be better to date her for a while before marrying

[Highest]

 

But I will meet her and connect and know her this summer. Then I will take her number (she lives in tyrkia and I in Norway) and talk to her from Norway all year and know her more until I meet her in Tyrkia at summer again (I always travel to Tyrkia each summer to meet my family etc). After about 3 years I will marry her and create a baby with her. I will make sure that our relationship will be true love and the greatest relationship ever.

@mandyjw Yes, indeed.

@Dumb Enlightened I agree.

[zambize]

32 minutes ago, Highest said:

 

But I will meet her and connect and know her this summer. Then I will take her number (she lives in tyrkia and I in Norway) and talk to her from Norway all year and know her more until I meet her in Tyrkia at summer again (I always travel to Tyrkia each summer to meet my family etc). After about 3 years I will marry her and create a baby with her. I will make sure that our relationship will be true love and the greatest relationship ever.

@mandyjw Yes, indeed.

@Dumb Enlightened I agree.

Also it's important to remember that you in three years, and her in three years is going to be a lot different.  Our tastes change, we change, the situation changes etc.   I had a girl in senior year of high school who I was pretty sure I was going to marry and would die for, yet here I am yanking it. 

I think the second thing to consider is how it is to live with her.  Does she expect the house to be similarly clean?  Do you match well financially, or is one of you making the money going to create issues? 

Just try and stay in the moment and really observe and consider her, what you want etc.  It seems like you really got a plan going, and sometimes it's all too easy to just stick with the plan and ignore and evidence in front of you that challenges that plan.  Not that you are doing this, just that it's easy to do and something that you could fall victim to in the future.

Cool that you live in Norway, bit jealous, and good luck with the girl, hope it all works out for the two of you

Edited March 8, 2019 by zambize

[karkaore]

@Highestthe fact that you are asking us if you should marry means that you shouldn't. although i could be wrong.

anyways, the whole post looks like a joke. sorry.

[cetus]

@Highest Meeting someone/spending time with them and living together are two different things. Just keep that in mind. More then once I've gone out with someone and we got along really great but when we started living together it became a total disaster.

[Highest]

@zambize I completely understand you.

@karkaore You couldn’t be wrong, you ARE wrong.

@cetus56 Yes, I understand how that can happen.

[Shadowraix]

10 minutes ago, Highest said:

You couldn’t be wrong, you ARE wrong.

Don't be so quick to jump the gun on that. Look what is actually being said.

Its making a statement on your own confidence/certainty. There's no room for uncertainty in marriage. You gotta stick with it all the way.

Uncertainty will nag at you with 'what ifs' 

[karkaore]

@Highest I did not mean to offend, sir. I just find it really weird that one is seeking the approval/disapproval of others on such regard.

[Highest]

 @zambize But altough I have this plan, it’s really just a plan I have in my mind. Being with her, knowing her, and connecting with her is of course a whole another reality.

@Shadowraix I know there is no room for uncertainty in marriage. I know I can marry her if I wish and chooses so. It will take some time, but I assure you I will marry her if I want because I can.

@karkaore No problem my friend ✌️I just wanted to hear others opinions on this.

[zambize]

30 minutes ago, Highest said:

 @zambize But altough I have this plan, it’s really just a plan I have in my mind. Being with her, knowing her, and connecting with her is of course a whole another reality.

@Shadowraix I know there is no room for uncertainty in marriage. I know I can marry her if I wish and chooses so. It will take some time, but I assure you I will marry her if I want because I can.

@karkaore No problem my friend ✌️I just wanted to hear others opinions on this.

You have any plans to get to know her better or any conversations she would like to have?  What do you like about her if you don't mind talking about her.  She got some cute mannerisms?  Similar interests?  Dat ass?

[cetus]

@Highest I like to add that when you meet the right person you'll know it without a doubt. You'll feel the truth of it. Like you've known each other forever. Look for that.