I need advice

[Alex14]

 

so, a girl and I have been getting along quite well. We sit together at class and there’s a lot of sexual tension, you can really feel it . 

The problem is that more often than I would like the conversation goes dry. I feel that both of us are a bit to shy to start the conversation. When it finally does it goes VERY well but for us to get there is very difficult. 

What can I do so we both are not just looking around waiting for each other to make a move?

[NoSelfSelf]

Ask her out

[Alex14]

@NoSelfSelf I know, it feels like the next step.

But the conversation problem, what do I do about that. I feel that going out with her will only magnify the problem (we would be more nervous than normal)

plus I feel like the conversation should flow a little bit more before a date

[NoSelfSelf]

@Alex14 Stop being a perfectionist...being perfectionist ruins your life and chances...ask her out and see how it goes have fun with her(number one priority) if the conversation doesnt go well after 2 dates then that girl its not for you cuz mybe thats first girl you liked...

[Alex14]

@NoSelfSelf Don’t you think I should escalate the relationship a little bit more before asking her? If not, how do You reccomend I ask her out?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Alex14 no you dont need to warm it up more than you did do you have her number?

[Alex14]

@NoSelfSelf yes, but i rather asks her in person 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Alex14 yeah even better to secure the definite date ask her when shes free then suggest time and place if she is hesitant you say we can do it another time and dont say anything...her reactions will tell you everything

[Alex14]

@NoSelfSelf ok. Sorry to bring this up again, but I still feel like that us not convesating a lot should be assessed.

[Nahm]

@Alex14

 

Don’t “ask her out”. Just ask her, “hey, have you seen ________ yet? (Fill in the blank with a movie you think she’d like to see).

 

If she says no, just casually mention you wondered if it was any good, cause you’re thinkin about seeing it. Then casually say...

“Would you wanna go see it?”      And you’ve just asked her out, without having to “Ask Her Out”.

 

If she says yes (she has already seen it), then ask her - “how was it?”    “Did it have a good ending?”    “Would you recommend it?”     “What movie do you think you’ll go see next?”

   When she mentions one, say “Oh ya! I was thinkin about seeing that one too! I might go see it this weekend”

Then just wait a minute or two....

Then say “Do you think you’d like to go see it?”

 

She already stated she wanted to go see it, so if she says yes to it - she likes you at least enough to go see it with you. If she says “no, I got this and that to do”, and doesn’t say something like “what about next weekend, or Thursday?” Then at least you took a shot, and the ball is now in her court. 

When it’s tactful and genuine, girls are flattered by this. So you’re good either way. You’re ok with either outcome. 

Ask 3, maybe 5 girls, and 1 or 2 will be interested. Maybe all 5. Idk. 

Some will, some won’t, so what. 

 

It’s important to assure yourself that you are totally fine with either outcome. This comes off as confident, but not over confident. Her subconscious is responding far more to your apparent confidence than your words. 

[JohnnyBravo]

@Alex14

Its tough to talk because you are both at the stage where youre ready to move beyond talking. Talking is now unncessary and you both know it but are in the situation of school so yeah, it feels pleasurably uncomfortable.

[JohnnyBravo]

What to do?

Be in the situation, leave it. Dont force anything to happen and let things unfold naturally.

Dont feel pressured to take it further or 'do something' with it. Its good as it is. Let it be.

You will screw it up only if you interfere forcefully or non naturally now.

Good dating is about doing less, not more.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Nahm what kind of manipulative and weak way to do it  i know its a example but seeing a movie on a first few dates is a bad idea

Edited March 7, 2019 by NoSelfSelf

[Alex14]

@JohnnyBravo ok. Si just like let things be ang go with whatever is happening. So my next step should be asking her out, probably to have dinner out somewhere. Or maybe you have a better idea 

Edited March 8, 2019 by Alex14

[JohnnyBravo]

@Alex14

You can if you want. She may just say yes and your Disney movie is happily done!

What I would do would be ballsier. Dont ask her out. Just see what the universe does and what happens.

You may find one day she just demands your phone number and wants to see you.

Dont be afraid of refusing to take action. This is something culture will never advocate. But if you can learn the art, the feel, of doing less and nothing, you will find you can get things you want without effort.

And then all your friends will judge you "Oh he is just lucky!"

The way of the Jedi (Tao) is to do less if anything. Things naturally happen.

[universe]

1 hour ago, JohnnyBravo said:

Dont be afraid of refusing to take action. This is something culture will never advocate. But if you can learn the art, the feel, of doing less and nothing, you will find you can get things you want without effort.

And then all your friends will judge you "Oh he is just lucky!"

Haha, I have to try that! Just sit around doing exactly nothing and be my friends feeding me jelly. <3

[Alex14]

What would yo do?. I think what he’s talking about is to not rush/force things (maybe a little lawofattraction-oriented). I too feel like doing nothing quill bring nothing.

any alternatives?

[JohnnyBravo]

Doing nothing is not coming from an attitude of being a coward to take an action.

It is also not coming from a place of helplessness or "well there's nothing I can do so I will just give up pathetically."

I am talking about a very unique style of letting things happen by themselves.

If someone has never tried this before, then I empathise with them that I sound like some witch hippie warlock diasscoaisting wishful thinking type of airy fairy idea to make someone feel better. I have met people like that, and they say "Just relax man, let the Universe do things man." And to me, when they say this they are coming from a very different, weak positioning on it. They don't properly understand, so their words have an emptiness about them.

I am referring to a phenomenon I have practised in my life that has produced results, satisfaction and easiness. It is a basic Taoist application.

Whats the polar opposite of Taoism? At a guess, it would be harsh brute force, interfering, fear of missing out, fear of missing opportunity, effort with a nauseousness to it to produce something. 

If you cant do this do nothing/allow things to unfold with dating this girl, then at least give it a go in another dimension of your life. Once you gain enough understanding of the beauty of this technique, you can try it when you go on a date or talk to a girl you like.

Please understand, don't confuse this with me implying it is a tactic or strategy to get what you want.

The understanding is more advanced than that. It's just an understanding of how Life works, and let it unfold.

As a very basic example, Morgan Freeman was asked what his secret was to meeting women. He said many things amongst he has respect for women, and he enjoys women company. But one of the biggest things he said was "I don't do anything. I don't have a secret. I allow them to come to me."

If you ever do classical pickup for a while, if you are intelligent enough, at some point you see the futility and stupidity and insanity of pickup. Eventually you realise you were good enough all along, and there actually isn't a secret or anything.

This is an understanding that can only flower from within; I cannot teach it to you. You may grasp it in 5 or 10 years from now or sooner. But this is one of those things that once you learn it, you cannot unlearn it.

Good luck. All the best.

[flowboy]

On 3/8/2019 at 1:58 AM, Alex14 said:

probably to have dinner out somewhere. Or maybe you have a better idea 

Naah, having a dinner date puts WAAY too much pressure. You have to treat her as a casual buddy that you happen to make out with. None of this traditional dating shit.

So what do you like to do for fun on your own? Play a video game? Walk in the park?

Propose that she join you for that. Don't ask, propose. So a sentence that starts with "let's" and doesn't end with a question mark.

I had a good date recently playing airhockey and snooker. It went well because I liked it.

Edited March 11, 2019 by flowboy

[flowboy]

Also, when the conversation falls silent but you're still looking at each other, and it feels awkward/tense? This is when you kiss her.

Or basically whenever you feel like.