Conflicted On Life Purpose

[Nervtine]

 Alright, going in dear reader, I know what my life purpose is- or at least, the path it is directing myself and eventually others on. For those of you familiar with the Japanese model for happiness (known as Inkagi, it is a good model worth looking at for not only reference to this post, but your own life as well) it ticks all of the boxes. Problem being? I don't know if I even agree with my prestablished beliefs that it will do certain things. 

My goal is to publish quick a few book series in the future. Specifically highly fictional ones. Now one of my goals is to weave strong themes of self actualization into the narrative. To many of you, this is either admirable or misguided, and I think both camps are right to some degree. And yes, you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink- I know this and accept it, going as far to think each interpretation of the book and lessons is more important than my original meaning. This isn't the issue either. 

Throughout jumping through the actualizing hoops, I've increasingly become disgruntled with how many things in our life truly are distractions from bettering ourselves. Even our treasured talents and life purposes hold us back in some right. This focus on distraction really left a bad taste in my mouth, and I've lessened my participation in the more obvious vocations branded with this label. There is some shiftiness in myself even posting this, as I also see too, how this form is just a potential fog of disillusionment.

The main problem I've stumble on and have allowed to leach my motivation is this: my books inherently are a product used for a distraction by others. My goal is to inspire others to inspire themselves to fix their own lives after (hopefully) being inspired by my fantastical stories. That expectation may be the weight that is the core issue. To reiterate, I'm a advocate of death of the author- so I'm not upset if there are different interpretations. What do you think? 

Should I push through it, and sell a product I undoubtedly would be proud of, knowing it is by design against what I am hoping the audience should get out of it? What self deceptive traps am I falling into? As from your vantage point, it may be easier to see. And feel free to drop your own struggles below! 

[peanutspathtotruth]

Hey, welcome to the forum

First of all, it's important that you really want to write despite what effect it is going to have. Do you love writing? Are you doing it because you're enjoying the process of creating fiction? 

If yes, then forget all your doubts. That's all you gotta know for now. Do your best to stay true to your vision and incorporate deep wisdom in there. That's what storytelling was originally about - through beauty, symbolism and intelligent craftsmanship point to the truth. Viewers may unconsciously or consciously grasp what was being hinted at, even if they don't understand it mentally. That's what all art does. It can only show truth peripherally. Through beauty. If that is what you really wanna do, then do it!

Don't worry about the sellings or the impact. You will create the best quality books if you work hard on your craft, pursue truth and let It speak through you. 

All the best for your journey man I thought I wanted to become an author, I also thought I wanna be a musician (did it for years) but they didn't give me the spark to seriously pursue it. Now I found out it's the visual arts I'm gonna master and now I'm on my way. I too think about the future, especially in the form of doubts. But I always inquire these thoghts and see that they are merely thoughts. Let's get to work Everything else will fall in place

[Nervtine]

Overall, I am most fond about the process of creating ideas. There is a love for the writing too, but when I have sat down to write as of late, I have also been worrying about a few things which ends up turning into contemplation: 

 One thing that I've allowed to cripple me is I recognize that my own messages and ideas have their own mortality. The beliefs I hold now likely won't be the ones I hold in a month, year or decade. And those of course bleed into my work. End point being I won't agree with the messages forever. 

Tying in with that last point, I worry about the impact my messages could bring. As I will undoubtedly be misguided in many of them. People tend to replicate fiction (really, how much distinction is there between fiction and reality?) which would have some impact on the world. Leaving me to meticulously try and stratagise things out so my inevitable blunders are minimal. I recognize this ends up with me getting stuck and with my wheels spinning in place. 

Perhaps it could help others who were at my previous stage of development- this is something that eases me a little thinking on it. 

Thank you for your wisdom, peanutspathtotruth. It sounds like I may just be over complicating things. As of late I haven't been feeling that passionate spark for writing because I've made it into a galvanized ball of stress- something that used to flat out depress me, but now I just feel a bitter sting of sadness the more I do personal development work. I wish you on the best of your journey as well, and will keep in mind when I think things are falling apart in my creative world, they are usually falling into place. That's perhaps the most profound thing the pursuit of the arts has taught me. 

 

6 hours ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

First of all, it's important that you really want to write despite what effect it is going to have. Do you love writing? Are you doing it because you're enjoying the process of creating fiction? 

If yes, then forget all your doubts. That's all you gotta know for now. Do your best to stay true to your vision and incorporate deep wisdom in there. That's what storytelling was originally about - through beauty, symbolism and intelligent craftsmanship point to the truth. Viewers may unconsciously or consciously grasp what was being hinted at, even if they don't understand it mentally. That's what all art does. It can only show truth peripherally. Through beauty. If that is what you really wanna do, then do it!

Don't worry about the sellings or the impact. You will create the best quality books if you work hard on your craft, pursue truth and let It speak through you. 

All the best for your journey man I thought I wanted to become an author, I also thought I wanna be a musician (did it for years) but they didn't give me the spark to seriously pursue it. Now I found out it's the visual arts I'm gonna master and now I'm on my way. I too think about the future, especially in the form of doubts. But I always inquire these thoghts and see that they are merely thoughts. Let's get to work Everything else will fall in place

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

4 hours ago, Nervtine said:

One thing that I've allowed to cripple me is I recognize that my own messages and ideas have their own mortality. The beliefs I hold now likely won't be the ones I hold in a month, year or decade. And those of course bleed into my work. End point being I won't agree with the messages forever. 

This would mean "Don't create until you have... awakened?... mastered self development?"
Everyone is growing and there are people in their early 20s who created amazing stories. I think you're far enough to distinguish between a message that raises consciousness and a message that makes people more asleep. At least generally speaking, everyone will read from their own point of view.

So don't worry about it, of course you will become better and your meanings will advance in nuance and impact. So what?  Trust in your greatness right now and just do it. You can change your writer name as often as you like when you don't want to identify with the old stuff anymore, there are no limits here but your thoughts. 

 

4 hours ago, Nervtine said:

...and will keep in mind when I think things are falling apart in my creative world, they are usually falling into place. That's perhaps the most profound thing the pursuit of the arts has taught me. 

That is really a beautiful lesson you learned, very inspiring.