Healing + Will I ever desire enlightenment again?

[zunnyman]

When I first heard of enlightenment, I was so heavily interested doing all sorts of meditation daily, experiencing weird phenomena, having nice experiences, and reading and listening to all sorts of spiritual teachings. Then 8 months back I had a pretty strong traumatic weed trip, where i kept questioning my beliefs and reality, and it just turned into an emotional traumatic shit show that has effected me for the 8 months after until now. After that weed trip, i noticed some ptsd symptoms, my mind heavily trying to figure out reality, believing all sorts of beliefs about how reality is or what it will be like after enlightenment, a ton of fear, etc. This completely turned me off from all sorts of spiritual practices and teachings. But now I can thankfully say 90% of those symptoms are gone, I am a lot more grounded, emotionally stable, etc. I have opened up to wanting to go back into spiritual practices, have been doing Sadhguru’s Shambhavi Mahamudra for 4 months now as well. But Leo’s teachings now still give me anxiety, I don’t feel like pursuing enlightenment anymore and fear I never want to, sometimes I fear there might be spiritual damage of some sort because I perceive reality as meaningless, pointless, a weird illusion, “where am I even located” etc. I just want to heal now, that is my main desire. How can I heal from this? How can i desire enlightenment again? How can I pursue enlightenment in a safe slow manner? 

[mandyjw]

That's so funny, I made this video today addressing this sort of dilemma. 

 

Leo has a very masculine, hard-nosed, dramatized approach to enlightenment. Look for teachers more like Eckhart Tolle. You're looking for more of a practice where you watch your thoughts and realize which thoughts cause you pain and are able to be present and stop those thoughts when they occur. You begin to recognize judgmental thoughts about yourself and others. Pay a lot of attention to your relationships with others. Spend time in nature. It's really easy in this day and age to get sort of sold on the idea of enlightenment and spirituality, and get excited about it and want to try to have enlightenment experiences. But lucky for you the real work is boring as hell. Nothing to be scared of. 

 

[Salvijus]

Hi

There's one quote from sadhguru that comes to mind when I read your post.

"If you dismantle your psychological without the necessary balance, you'll go crazy" #sadhguru

I think it's relevent here because you started questioning reality and it was a horrible thing for you. it takes some maturity I think, and mental balance to stay sane when your reality gets shattered, when your understanding and psychological structure beggins to crumble.

The whole work of Isha is highly focused on preparing people to bring the necessary balance, necessary maturity and stability so that when sadhguru shatters all your illusions you're still able to function and be peaceful and balanced and well  otherwise you'll just go mad.

1 hour ago, zunnyman said:

. How can I heal from this? How can i desire enlightenment again? How can I pursue enlightenment in a safe slow manner? 

I think you're already doing great progress in your mental stability which is what you're looking for i think. That's the healing that you're looking for.

You want to go into madness and still be sane. You want to shatter your illusions and still be functional in the world. That's what shambhavi means. Shambhavi literaly means twilight meaning you see the beyond but you're still rooted and balanced in the physical. 

 

Edited March 5, 2019 by Salvijus

[Nahm]

 

1 hour ago, zunnyman said:

believing all sorts of beliefs about how reality is or what it will be like after enlightenment, a ton of fear, etc

If how you feel is still someone else’s fault, well, you’ll be riding the waves made by others for the duration. That’s a rough ride man. 

If you take ownership, if you can be honest with yourself, that you created the beliefs, the fear - and you inspect just how you did that - then you are liberated from continuing to do it.

Consider the difference between, Truth, and beliefs. 

One of them is true. 

 

 

 

[Peo]

what is Shambhavi Mahamudra?

[zunnyman]

@mandyjw Hmm I did check out a few of Ekhart Tolle’s work, what specifically from his work would be good? Thanks for some direction. I agree about Leo’s approach. It is good for many, not for me, in this time, haha 

@Salvijus That is my plan for now. I find Sadhguru’s practices very grounding so I will do 3 of his Hatha programs this year, and plan to continue that for a few years until I can prepare my body and mind. I guess despite knowing this, I still have all these fears that life is just going to suck in the future, Ill always be in fear, hopeless about my problems, etc. I guess this re-assurance is nice to hear. Do you think there are other grounding slow processes that make the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies stable like Sadhguru’s yoga? I am considering shamanic breathing, Tai-chi, and Ayurveda of course. Also looking at the emotional mastery books on Leo’s list 

 

@Peo It is a 21 min kriya yoga practice designed by Sadhguru known to provide many holistic health benefits to the body, mind, energy, and soul. Check it out, I highly recommend

Edited March 5, 2019 by zunnyman

[Peo]

Just trowing a suggestion here. My suggestion is to just love getting your reality fucked up and look at it something positive. Leo loves getting his reality fucked up. 

Edited March 5, 2019 by Peo

[mandyjw]

@zunnyman Start with The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, an/or check him out on youtube. 

[Shin]

Check Matt Kahn and Byron Katie.

The core of the work is to dismantle your beliefs and live in the now though.

It's so easy to say you need a practice, but in reality you could just meditate one hour a day, and focus on staying conscious the rest of the day.

The mind is always seeking an external solution, when the only real solution is to just be conscious, which is not an activity and can be ''done'' 100% of the time.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Shin

[zunnyman]

@Shin I understand the core of this work is to dismantle your beliefs. But also considering there is too much fear, lack of stability, etc. isn’t there merit in first handling that before, first becoming a more balanced person and then have your reality fucked with by question your beliefs? I’ve heard of Matt Kahn though, how does his work help? 

@mandyjw Sweet! thanks

[DrewNows]

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

That's so funny, I made this video today addressing this sort of dilemma. 

 

Leo has a very masculine, hard-nosed, dramatized approach to enlightenment. Look for teachers more like Eckhart Tolle. You're looking for more of a practice where you watch your thoughts and realize which thoughts cause you pain and are able to be present and stop those thoughts when they occur. You begin to recognize judgmental thoughts about yourself and others. Pay a lot of attention to your relationships with others. Spend time in nature. It's really easy in this day and age to get sort of sold on the idea of enlightenment and spirituality, and get excited about it and want to try to have enlightenment experiences. But lucky for you the real work is boring as hell. Nothing to be scared of. 

 

Awesome job on this video. Love how you yourself start laughing, was right there with you ?♥️

Easy to understand the craziness of the mind in hindsight. It can be so relentless 

[pluto]

Enlightenment is Inevitable. You don't have to do anything, just be yourself.

[now is forever]

@mandyjw didn’t watch it until the end but i had the first enlightenment experiences at the age of 15 and that‘s round about where a lot of initiation rituals take place. so of course it won’t be then but the calling or the path can begin very early especially for the ones with shamanic, creative or healing abilities or family traditions, for some it starts out very early. i even had enlightenment experiences as a child if i remember clearly.

[Salvijus]

9 hours ago, zunnyman said:

 

@Salvijus That is my plan for now. I find Sadhguru’s practices very grounding so I will do 3 of his Hatha programs this year, and plan to continue that for a few years until I can prepare my body and mind.

Wow. That's a strong choice you've made. 

If you ever need help desciding where to start you can ask me I've done these programs myself

It's indeed extremly grounding. When i first started doing his Yoga, my first thought was "this is the first time in my entire life where I'm doing something for balance" it's extremly noticable

9 hours ago, zunnyman said:

I guess despite knowing this, I still have all these fears that life is just going to suck in the future, Ill always be in fear, hopeless about my problems, etc. I guess this re-assurance is nice to hear. 

You'll be fine, you're doing great progress. Now the sadhana pada is over you should feel some benefits coming up in this month. 

9 hours ago, zunnyman said:

Do you think there are other grounding slow processes that make the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies stable like Sadhguru’s yoga? I am considering shamanic breathing, Tai-chi, and Ayurveda of course. Also looking at the emotional mastery books on Leo’s list 

Well Isha path is complete by itself. I don't think there's another path so comprehensive and fast because everything that is done in Isha is done with sadhguru's grace which makes it what it is. It's not just a practice. If you give yourself totally to it, it becomes your whole life. It feels like you're carring whole Isha with you wherever you go. That's the greatest reward for me. ?

 

Thi-chi is fine and beautiful. (If you can find a true master, i think Mantak Chia is one of them)

Ayurveda is also a very powerful system. Extremely good for health and all imbalances.

Shamanic breathing i would avoid this one. It's not designed for anything. It's just a random breathing with random effects.

 

 

Edited March 6, 2019 by Salvijus

[AstralProjection]

LSD "broke" my brain, LSD "fixed" my brain.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Psychonaut/comments/4zqv37/lsd_broke_my_brain_lsd_fixed_my_brain/

Given this article I would only use small amounts in the future if at all. Marijuana can cause a bad trip. I've had a bad trip from taking too much. So be careful. Perhaps you should try small amounts of MDMA or 2C-B to get back meaning into your life. Those psychedelics are known to do that. Personally I recommend 2C-B and 4-ACO-DMT. But molly alone might work great to help you gain meaning to your life.

[tedens]

13 hours ago, zunnyman said:

How can I heal from this?

@zunnyman Just realize that one day Your body will die. And than ask Yourself what You really can be.

 

[mandyjw]

@now is forever I think we all start out enlightened in a way, but it's the experience of living through thought, effort and duality and then choosing to go back that is the process most of us mean when we are talking about enlightenment. I was raised conservative christian and I remember being very young and just zoning out in church and just so in wonder with the sunlight outside the window. I was so stricken with the experience that told my mom that I knew what God was and she told me that wasn't God. I had to go through a lot of years and become an adult to relearn that that simple experience WAS God. 

Who knows what will happen with kids raised by enlightened or very conscious parents in conscious communities. Most of us were raised by materialist parents though. 

 

[Telepresent]

@mandyjw The desire comes, or it doesn't. If it is genuinely for enlightenment, you won't be able to stop it even if you want to. If it is for something not-enlightenment, that will always take precedence. 

Neither is right or wrong. So play with it. Stop when it gets uncomfortable. You'll either come back, or not. Worried that a path is wrong? Spend a little time running along it to check. If it's wrong, you'll know

[poimandres]

@zunnyman Be careful with mind altering substances. If you have ptsd, approach with caution. Besides that, I would seek psychotherapy either way to explore your fear. Believe it or not, by exploring your fear with a therapist, it's still apart of the path and this will help you advance.

You were saying how you were trying to figure out what reality is "after enlightenment". I'll leave it with this, there's a saying, "Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water." 

Edited March 6, 2019 by poimandres

[Hellspeed]

Blue in Green to reach normality.