Why Cold Approach Is One Of The Best Environment For Developing Awareness Part 1.

[NilsFlair]

Hey guys! Today I want you to give you a little insight into why the environment of Cold Approach is one of the best environment to increase your overall awareness, to give you more understanding why we work the way we do in this environment.

So first of all, what value does increasing your awareness have?

Well I made a little post about this a couple of days ago explaining the real reason for meditation, which is to increase awareness of course. In that post I went into some of my personal experience regarding my shifts in awareness and what came as a result of it.

Basically the value you gain from increasing awareness is very high, because awareness is a meta skill, that influences every area of your life. Just the act of becoming more aware extends to everything you do, to dating, to productivity, to artistry, to your ability to think and make connections quicker, to your ability to emphasize and pick up others mental state through emotions. The list is endless, because the list is everything…

The tricky part is that increasing awareness is not so straight forward as to just sit down, meditate for 10 years and you’re all good. No, because you have both emotional blockages and defense mechanisms in the way (which I talk about in one of my Youtube videos titled “The Hidden Reason Why You Can’t Change - Inner Defense Mechanisms, go check that out if you want to know more about that).

This is where Cold Approach comes in to play, if you haven’t already noticed this environment messes with your Ego like crazy, and it feels sad sometimes to me that some people don’t see the ridiculous value in this process and the potential growth they could experience.

The fact that this environment messes so much with your self image and beliefs about yourself makes it one of the best environments for increasing awareness. Because every single time that you get triggered and you experience an emotion as a result of that, you have an opportunity to increase your awareness.

Let me give you an example:

You start talking to a girl, and you’re feeling quite normal.

She starts liking you, this triggers a feeling of excitement in you.

All of a sudden she shows a sign of disinterest, this triggers a negative feeling (could be fear of loss, disappointment, doubt of your self-worth etc) and the contrast makes you experience the feeling more intensely.

Now, what just happened was that when you started talking to the girl you were feeling normal. As soon as she showed signs of interest, your ego (or self image) that you are good with girls got validated. And then when she showed you a sign of disinterest that self image got devalidated and the self image that you are bad with girls got validated.

All of this is consciously experienced in the moment as emotions (with thoughts and a underlying a perception connected to them). For instance, when you feel fear you think thoughts that make you feel afraid and you perceive things in a way that makes you feel fear, it’s all connected (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is based on this inter-connectedness).

When an emotion is triggered, this emotion can be used to gain awareness on your beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts, which otherwise might be hidden from you completely in your subconscious. In this way emotions become a bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind.

You can literally get triggered hundreds of times per night when you’re doing Cold Approach, and every time is an opportunity for you to become aware of your beliefs and perceptions. As soon as you become consciously aware of a subconscious pattern, you have the ability to examine it, and this is your chance to discontinue it, to change it.

Side note:

Some guys will say I’m desensitized now, so I don’t get triggered.

My answer is that you have most likely just become very good at covering up these feelings with a feeling of numbness or with subconscious distractions (I know I did this like crazy).

The truth is that you haven’t actually done anything to resolve the core issue, and even if you become a master at sleeping with women, if your defense mechanisms are taken away you’re abilities with women will go too.

Some patterns might be ingrained for 15 or 20 years, so it will not budge after becoming aware of it only one time, it will take longer, but with continues awareness it will change.

Now, in order to actually change anything in this way, you have to accept the feeling, because if you don’t, if you resist this feeling you are really choosing to be unaware and nothing changes, you stay the way you are.

One of the greatest ways of accepting a feeling is to express it to the girl, why? because if you just try to accept the feeling by sheer will, your mind might trick you, but if you put it out there, it becomes very hard for your mind to trick you or to cover the feeling up because you just exposed it to another person.

Why Girls? well, first of all girls trigger a lot of insecurities in us, anything from expectations not being met to feelings of not deserving love or not loving ourselves.

There is also an intrinsic drive in straight guys towards women, this is good because that means that even if you might have a lot of emotional resistance towards girls, you also have a strong emotional desire towards girls and this will drive you forward even at tough moments.

Girls also have more gray matter in their brains that allows them to intuitively pick up on social cues way more accurately than we ever can. This means that they will sense if you are trying to express your emotion but not fully accepting it or if there is something you’re hiding, and they will usually react to it emotionally in a quite unpleasant way. Which makes it hard to resist your emotion but easier to gain emotional awareness since the environment is promoting it.

I hope that you can see now that the environment is very rich in possibilities when it comes to self development and rapidly changing yourself.

That’s it for me today guys.

- Nils Flair

[JohnnyBravo]

Excellent piece/post.

Id extend I believe cold approach can be extended just to people in general as well as the opposite sex (yep Ive met some females that approach guys. Well done to them!).

There is a shadow to beware of; cold approach can sometimes be done successfully with a big "shield of armour" or fake persona. This is about self protection because yes, cold approach is pretty much an exercise in raw exposure vulnerability to other people whom have a very easy and high chance of rejecting you.

Awareness needs to be trained and not the persona.

Excellent post 

 

[flowboy]

I like this, I wholeheartedly agree and thank you for writing it!

[Marinus]

Thx I will try this out, I like to be open about my emotions, but I haven't tried it when doing Daygame or general cold approaching people. 

[NilsFlair]

@Marinus Try it and see what happens

[Marinus]

@NilsFlair I did 3 times and my interactions were not to well. I will try it some more, because I might just ran into no girls. 

[anthony_sh1]

I see this related to what Mark Manson says about how to develop true confidence, being vulnerable