Becoming aware how your ego stereotypes?

[Hansu]

The first half of this post is about my experience with ego stereotypes, and the question Im looking for answer to is in the last paragraph

I had an eye opening experience as I revealed to some of my friends that Im bisexual. While most of them were all fine and dandy with my outcome, a few persons were not. One, female, asked me whether Im actually bi and not "flaming homosexual" which I assume was an assumption made because I don't flirt with people in bars. Her asking me whether I am full on homosexual was all fine in my books, but adding "flaming" in front of the term makes me feel like her understanding of homosexuals is that homosexuals are dumb, raving oversexual feminine men who's lifes revolve around their "flaming homosexuality" identity. First I was offended by this, but then I realized that in our western culture, normal every day men who are homosexuals are really under-represented and media is always making fuzz about those who represent the stereotypical feminine oversexual homosexual who's identity in fact revolves around their homosexuality, and not around their true self.

Another person, male, questioned why Im not acting the way I want to act. I asked what he meant with that question, and he said that I should be free with my personality and not care about what others think or say about me. Clearly what his ego saw in me was a stereotypical closet-homosexual and instead of accepting me as the person I am, his ego attempted to persuade me into changing my personality to fit the media created stereotype of "closet homosexuals suddenly being freed from social pressure and turning into the flaming homosexuals" because you know, only men who are feminine and oversexual can enjoy another man's love right?

While these moments were pretty enraging when I experienced them, they are a blessing in disguise. I got to experience and extreme case of ego's stereotyping power and how the collective ego works in harmony to turn members of our societies into stereotypes, and how it could be very harming for individuals in our society who do pick up these ridiculous identities instead of discovering their true self.

Problem is, its easy to be aware of how my friends stereotyped me. Its difficult to understand how I am myself doing this to other people and how Im stereotyping people based on their social standing, outlooks etc. Of course I can continue observing other people and myself, staying aware of the possible stereotypes I and others make in our everyday life, but what Im looking for is experience in form of books or video. Something that can give me a boost as I begin to build awareness around this problem. And it would be really great if someone with likewise story could share their experience in this thread

 

Thanks!

[tsuki]

It's the minds job to match patterns with experience and it is not its fault that it picks them up randomly from culture while it's not self-aware.
Sexuality is a big part of our personal identity, but taking those remarks personally is a mistake in my opinion. Most people do not care to deconstruct their thought patterns and therefore simply serve as transmitters of culture (and there is nothing wrong in being that). In this sense - your friends were not talking to you, but playing back prerecorded and unexamined messages.

I may be abnormal in this regard, but I think that describing the depths of personality that you refine is simply a waste of breath. Unless you have a person you've been growing along with, there is a small chance that he/she will actually understand what you're saying. I find that the most fruitful way of communicating with people in 'real life' is simply being who you are and letting them drift in and out of your social circle.

I don't think that there are any easy answers to your question. Deconstructing your thoughts is one of the big themes in spirituality and there is a great depth to it - even in Leo's videos. Journaling with this intent is a good start.

Edited March 5, 2019 by tsuki

[Hansu]

@tsuki

So, I should continue growing spiritually and being mindful when it comes to stereotyping mind patterns?

[tsuki]

@Hansu It depends on how important this stereotyping is to you and why. If you do this to be kind to others and not hurt them in the way you've been hurt - it's much more constructive to work on your vulnerability and do shadow work. This way you will develop sensitivity and resistance that will help you connect with people more deeply.

I think that it's important to not demonize the mind for stereotyping because this mechanism has its merits. For example, instead of matching 'bisexual' with 'gay', you can train it to match whole theories and complex causal chains for problem solving. Of course - you do that every day, the question is - how conscious you are of that.

I think that this area gets better as you become more conscious overall, so perhaps you could try some psychedelics if you are ready for them?

[Nahm]

5 hours ago, Hansu said:

Problem is, its easy to be aware of how my friends stereotyped me.

Nah. An ear heard a sound, a brain identified with it, and you believe someone stereotyped you. Drop the thought, and it is no longer. You’re creating the experience brother. ?? What actually happened is you are them expressing self - but you keep believing you are a “separate entity” via non-self-acceptance, so you think they are separate, so there then you created the experience of “being stereotyped, by someone”. 

Love & accept yourself and your ignorance, love and accept “them” and their ignorance = no problem at all. 

Its difficult to understand how I am myself doing this to other people and how Im stereotyping people based on their social standing, outlooks etc. Of course I can continue observing other people and myself, staying aware of the possible stereotypes I and others make in our everyday life, but what Im looking for is experience in form of books or video. Something that can give me a boost as I begin to build awareness around this problem. And it would be really great if someone with likewise story could share their experience in this thread

Read Loving What Is, and The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, and you’ll be right as rain. 

 

 

[Hansu]

@tsuki

I guess stereotyping is just natural and does have its place in our thought patterns, and there is no way or good reason to get rid of them. Its just sad how stereotypes are causing so much suffering in our world. It baffles me how we basically eradicated the nerd stereotype out of our western world while we turned liking the same sex into an identity with set attributes and personality traits. But I believe what you said, that it has its merits, maybe one of the merits is that stereotypes are temporary, and fade away with time just like the nerd stereotype did?

I actually do want to try psychedelics, but its bad time for me as Im currently starting out on my dream job which I do not want ruined by having drugs marking on my records. Maybe in a year or two, when Im valuable enough that my company don't want to lose me over a petty trip

@Nahm

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

An ear heard a sound, a brain identified with it, and you believe someone stereotyped you. You’re creating the experience brother. ?? What actually happened is you are them expressing self - but you keep believing you are a “separate entity” via non-self-acceptance, so you think they are separate, so there then you created the experience of “being stereotyped, by someone”. 

Now this, this is some next level shit. First I thought this paragraph was the regular claim about the entity being one and all and not the ego, but more I think about this more I accept and understand the idea of one being the one and not the ego. Maybe its a preset idea in my brain about enlightenment, Im not sure. But it is something since I cant stop reading the paragraph again and again

So I am them, the hatred for the stereotype, and the stereotype? I am one, and all of them? I am the stereotype and I am not the stereotype? The reason why I dont like this stereotype is because I am this stereotype? Am I resentful because I don't accept myself to be this stereotype?

Bulk = The ego me

Italic = The "true me"

I think it took an hour to write this message. Damn.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Hansu

[tsuki]

38 minutes ago, Hansu said:

So I am them, the hatred for the stereotype, and the stereotype? I am one, and all of them? I am the stereotype and I am not the stereotype? The reason why I dont like this stereotype is because I am this stereotype? Am I resentful because I don't accept myself to be this stereotype?

@Hansu Bingo! Yahzee! Ding ding ding!

The discomfort of being called 'gay' is caused because you associate this stereotype with behavior that you would feel uncomfortable expressing.
Other people may call you that, but would you feel hurt if you were actually okay behaving that way? No! So, 'healing' the discomfort comes from actually behaving like a flamboyant homosexual publicly until you're okay with it. People will find it funny, but your ego won't and that's the point (you may want to skip doing that at your new job ).

Ancient stoics (or was it cynics?) stood in front of statues and begged to practice rejection for this reason.

38 minutes ago, Hansu said:

It baffles me how we basically eradicated the nerd stereotype out of our western world while we turned liking the same sex into an identity with set attributes and personality traits.

We eradicated the nerd stereotype by incorporating its usefulness. Nerds are the cool people now because they run the technology show.
This is shadow work. Find the other side of things you reject to cure your hate towards it. Once you're free from it - you will be perfectly fine with people calling you that.

@Nahm I'm sorry for cutting in. I hope that I'm not misleading him - please correct me if you think so.

Edited March 5, 2019 by tsuki

[Highest]

Low-consciousness people I call them.

[Hansu]

13 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@Hansu Bingo! Yahzee! Ding ding ding!

The discomfort of being called 'gay' is caused because you associate this stereotype with behavior that you would feel uncomfortable expressing.
Other people may call you that, but would you feel hurt if you were actually okay behaving that way? No! So, 'healing' the discomfort comes from actually behaving like a flamboyant homosexual publicly until you're okay with it. People will find it funny, but your ego won't and that's the point.

Well, fuck. Its hard to admit it but you might be right. As much as I hate saying that I would like to behave like the said stereotype, I might actually like behaving so. I guess I have to try out being a "flamboyant homosexual" before I know what I actually want.

I mean, what can I lose? I might be a jackass for a year, but live happily for 40 years. But if I suppress openness to the possibilities, then there is 99% chance that I live unhappy for 40 years. And who remembers if I am a jackass for a year? Nobody!

As for what you mentioned about shadow work, I think Im going indulge the book Shadow Dance as my next spiritual step

Thank you, and Nahm, for everything you have written in this thread. This is life changing material

[Nahm]

@Hansu ??

There’s really only the relationship with yourself. All emotion derives from this. All thinking derives from this.  Everything we hear people say, is filtered through this relationship with ourself.  The more deeply you know yourself, the less unwanted emotions arise, and the less overthinking arises.  Ultimately the self is a mystery, a never ending adventure of self discovery - this is why when we try to nailed it down with “pigeonholing”, or “stereotyping” etc, it never feels right. The self can’t be defined. It is more mysterious than what can even begin to be imagined.

So there is no need, no worth, in attempting to define yourself or anyone else. When someone who doesn’t know this is encountered, can you see that they are just trying to figure themselves out, trying to see who they are? ...”By stereotyping someone else, maybe that means I’m not like that, or this, etc”.  Every stereotype is self inquiry. Every insult is an opportunity for self inquiry, for alignment, happiness just waiting to be accepted.

Know yourself, love yourself - it doesn’t matter how you are, or who you are, or what you do - what matters is simply accepting that the fact that you are, is not only enough - it is an unexplainable miracle - just being you. And I’m not talking about when you were born, etc, I mean right now. 

So be you. Experience being you. Experiment with being you. 

Honest, genuine, authentic, relaxed & comfortable via self acceptance -  and happy just being.......then watch how people respond to that. Watch how the universe responds to that.  It’s unbelievable, and you are the only one who gets to experience that. Infinitely beyond lucky! 

[Nahm]

@tsuki ?