Texting and interacting with women

[luqqzr]

Hey people,

I've got a problem at texting with women. For example I am using Tinder, getting matches is no problem for me at all, I am 100% sure that for many attractive women I seem pretty handsome, I go to the gym, have a great sense of style, have a nice car, listen to great music, have an interesting bio and so on... (just talking about the stuff that gets you matches on tinder)

So I have a lot of women to message, it's just that all those things are useless if I can't communicate to women via chat. Right now I gave up writing to them because I know something I'm doing is wrong. In real life it's no issue for me, I do not have problems to talk, I'm okay at interacting with women.

Sure some things could be better but for the "real life problems", the difference here is: I know where to start and it's fear that is holding me back, but I'm getting better and I know what I may do better.

So, I don't know what I should write to women to get them want to meet me. Mostly, they don't even answer my "opener", if they do, then they stop answering me after one or two messages.

I hate texting and the best option for me would be just to write a few messages back and forth and then meet already, but it doesn't work for me like this. It worked once, but with a person that grew up in the same small town as me so we could talk about stuff that's happening locally so it was pretty easy.

After meeting her twice I knew that I was only interested in having sex with her but I was scared at making the first step to touch or kiss her, as I said I think the problem is fear and probably because I don't know where and how to begin, maybe you guys can help me with this issue as well... this is probably the biggest issue in life for me right now.

I am aware of my messages being pretty boring, I think women want "creative messages", attractive women get written to probably from hundred people a week so my "hey, how are you?:)" won't stand out too much.

Creativity is awful on my side (probably because I grew up getting everything that I wanted from my parents), so yeah maybe you can help me here.

By the way I am almost 21 years old, had my first kiss, sex, relationship with 19, she was the first and last woman that I had kissed/sex with. It's a long story, basically it was a toxic relationship and I grew very much out of it, it changed my life completely.

I was always scared of interacting with women, we needed like five tries until the first sex was working, mainly because of too much porn and because I was so freaking scared. That's why I'm thankful, grateful and blessed to have had her patience and the whole relationship. My self esteem was boosted to the top in and after this relationship!

I had issues with communicating generally, was very introverted and didn't know how to talk because I spent most of the time playing computer games alone in my room in the past and did not know how to look people in the eyes, that was my main problem for the communication. These problems I was able to overcome.

My active problems are everything that I already wrote and sometimes it's still hard for me to look people in the eyes because for me it feels awkward.

On men: It feels gay to look to long in their eyes (no offense against homosexual people), On non-attractive women: I don't want to hurt them by getting their hopes up, I don't want them to think that I'm flirting with them.        On attractive women: I don't want to stare at them too long to seem as a creep and the bigger point is probably that I am scared.

It's really not that bad, it's just pretty bad on attractive women with the fear issue. It gets easier when I start to know the person.

I'm looking forward to your answers, hope these issues are written understandable and clear

Edited March 3, 2019 by luqqzr

[JohnnyBravo]

Get off tinder and all social media.

None of it is smooth. All of it is creepy. Dont think there is a smooth way to do tinder, its a messy ugly game.

Go do some real pickup and talk to real life women in the real life world.

[Wisebaxter]

@luqqzr All I can do is tell you my approach. Most will say it's awful advice but it worked for me. I was using the app Bumble (Tinder has too many skanks) but it will work on Tinder too. Basically, you just tell them straight away you want to have sex with them. Ask 'fancy some no strings sex?' Or say 'I'm not looking for anything serious, just fun.' Lots of women will refuse but you'll find some will be intrigued. I think this works because most men are wanting sex anyway and bullshitting, trying to be all romantic. This honest approach is refreshing to women. Also, lots of women just want sex too, but they don't want to admit it. If you want a relationship...this approach will still work. You just get to have sex nice and early and see where it goes from there. That's how I met my current girlfriend. She agreed to come over and screw me and now we've been together for two years. What a story for the grandkids huh? lol

You have to be confident to make this work though. Don't pussy out if they get a bit offended. Just ask them 'what's the matter with sex?" Sometimes you can make them realise that they'r living in a repressed culture that makes them think sex with strangers is wrong and you can actually open them up spiritually and cure their neurosis, so you're also doing charitable work  

Be different my friend. Tell them, this is what I want, let's make love all night. You can be romantic with the sex thing if you still want the romantic approach. Like you can say 'I'll go down on you all night..' Now that's romance. Fuck candles and expensive meals. Why do you think most guys never get laid when they try and do the whole 'dating' thing? Because they say some dumb shit and put the women off way too early. Don't give her a chance to judge who you are too deeply. Just tell her where it's at. You're a predator, a dominator, a seducer. Women love that shit, most of them anyway. They want to be dominated. They want to be a conquest, because it makes them feel like a woman. 

[JohnnyBravo]

You cannot make a connection on Tinder.

Therefore, dont bother cracking the code on what to text. This is a petty problem in the big scheme.

Yes I'm being harsh but I helped produce a documentary on the dangers of social media and can confirm its the last place youll find Love.

[JohnnyBravo]

Sure.

Actually, if you have NEVER EVER dated before in your entire life, then any path is valid including tinder.

But after a few dates, its enough.

Here what you do: dont worry about any pickup stuff. Dont read it. Dont read too much stuff on this forum about dating or crap.

In your daily normal ordinary life, talk to strangers. Make small comments, be spontaneous, be improviser do it all. Talk to people, all people.

Watch an episode of Impractical Jokers and behave as they behave with people- begining intercations, being playful, having fun and being silly.

Thats a start.

Go for quantity of interactions, and on other days, try making the intercations really looooong or really funny or whatever. Mix it up.

After a while you can begin doing the same thing to girls you like.

Rinse and repeat for the rest of your adult life! Thats it!!

[Aeris]

On 04/03/2019 at 5:43 AM, JohnnyBravo said:

Get off tinder and all social media.

None of it is smooth. All of it is creepy. Dont think there is a smooth way to do tinder, its a messy ugly game.

Go do some real pickup and talk to real life women in the real life world.

Someone told me the exact contrary.

 told me that pick up is the most creepy and annoying thing you can do to a woman that his on her way etc etc. ( he had many gf, but from party )

Why not internet  > app ? > your personnal experience though ?

[JohnnyBravo]

@Aeris

In a certain respect I agree. If its really bad, cheap pickup and they guy is just talking to a girl for practise then it is super creepy. For sure.

@28 cm unbuffed

No I mean learn and practise the skill of talking to strangers every day in your life.

And talk about....nothing. there is no goal apart from possibility to connect.

If you practise this, with time talking to girls and all the other stuff is easy. Its so easy it cant be taught. But easy as in you will learm yourself with enough talking to strangers.

Sadly, this is something that cant be taught on a forum.

Anyone that says "do this then do that" will fall short helping you. Connection cannot be taught, but it can be felt and understood internally.

Sorry thats all.

[Wisebaxter]

On 08/03/2019 at 2:54 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

This post is dope. I had a situation where I tried "direct" thing just as a opener on Tinder and girl was super pissed off

I kinda freaked out and told her "sorry, didn't mean to offend you" and got deleted  My mind was like: "Ok, come back to old, chit-chat game", but I'll actually try your approach to this stuff and see what will happen. I think when I'll balance these two I'm going to see real progress. 

Thanks dude.

My pleasure man. Sure, some girls will get pissed off. Girls on Tinder probably receive this approach more. But Bumble is a classier app (free by the way) and I think more typical 'gentlemen' go on there. Seriously, try it out. The caveat with this is you have to have a good pic that makes you look like a gentlemen - paradox huh? I'm suited up in my pic at a wedding, looking like fucking royalty.

(Photo removed - deep contemplation needed on current state of consciousness)

That photo has got me so much pussy it's a joke. The fact that I'm holding the baby's hand too - it works on them on so many levels..Women want to be dominated by a gentlemen probably, not some seedy little fuckboy, which is basically what I am lol. Just a pic with your shirt on, looking classy or whatever. Also remember, if they get pissed off or say no, don't try and persuade them straight away. Play it cool and say 'that's no problem, good luck on your search.' Sometimes they'll come back with 'why do you just want sex?' Or something like that. Then you can weasel your way in there with something like 'Because that's love to me, and I want to experience as much love as possible in my life.'

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[JohnnyBravo]

Youre abusing this baby by using the photo in that respect.

If this photo has weight for you, youd be selective who to share it with.

When that child reaches 20 years old, you will sit down with them and confess that you used their photo, and your gesture, for you to get laid with lots of women.

You are willing to use that baby, not even a child, to facilitate your want to sleep with women.

Im sure Owen Cook would hi five you.

Please contemplate what the drive is to sleep with women. Where has the mutuality gone?

Should other men aspire to this?

Look at what youre doing, and if you're still comfortable, then you have my blessing.

[Wisebaxter]

@JohnnyBravo Yeah, big time dude. Thanks for calling me out on this. Some serious introspecting needed on my part. I would delete/hide my post or whatever but I'd rather leave it there and be authentic. I have removed the photo for now. This was/is the state of my ego. I'm gonna think about this long and hard...Goddamn it, what's wrong with me? Took a hit of LSD today and I'm quite shocked reading this earlier post of mine. Thanks for being straight up honest with me here. Much love

 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[JohnnyBravo]

@Wisebaxter

I was prepared for an attack back from you and you have surprised me.

Your adult receptivity to this strangely has more impact on me than you think. Much respect.

95% of forum behaviour is just nothing but putting spikes in other people. F you. F you back and on it goes. The merry go round of hostility.

You have broken this cycle and that deserves a gold star. Honour yourself for being a human.

(Btw I am not perfect).

[Wisebaxter]

@JohnnyBravo That was a nice post  I'm very pleased to have surprised you. I'm gonna wear my gold star very proudly! 

For sure, there's a lot of ego in the world, a lot of people defending themselves, but hey, how are we ever to grow and raise our consciousness with that attitude? Let's call things what they are. Egoic, selfish behaviour is just that, plain and simple. Thinking back on it, I pissed off a lot of women by propositioning them like that, perhaps even put them off online dating. Sure I got my kicks, a few woman got some kicks too (I'd like to think), but how much suffering did I cause? And how did I manage to turn a blind eye to that so effectively? Because...I was getting my kicks. The ego can justify low consciousness behaviour in many sneaky ways. 

So, if anyone chooses to use my approach, go ahead, I won't moralise, but at least be honest about what you're doing, why you're doing it and consider the karmic result of your actions. 

[Wisebaxter]

@28 cm unbuffed Well, yeah, it's hard to say what the kids reaction would be. I wasn't so much bothered about that side of things, it was more my behaviour in general I guess. This is what psychedelics do to you, just show you the truth of your actions. For me, it's not so much about harming the women I slept with, as they all knew the score, I'm just thinking about the women I upset by being so lewd. I was terrible sometimes, saying really graphic stuff to see if I could turn them around. If I'm being honest I kind of got off on the power of it, being able to say whatever I wanted. It used to excite me, the idea that they might react in the same way and say something smutty back. 

If you just say 'I don't want anything serious,' that's not so bad. Perhaps if you agree to go on a couple of dates and just have some fun. But I'd literally be like 'we meet and have sex, that's it, non negotiable.' That was crazy really as if I'd have put in a bit more effort with them I could have had sex with them, but I was so damn lazy and like I said, I wanted absolute power. 

I just hate the idea that I may have caused some women to lower their opinion of men. I know that would be their decision, but I want to be more responsible moving forward, less selfish. One think my recent trip showed me was just how selfish I am.

As for morality and truth, well morality is a fabrication, so there's nothing true about it. I'm thinking about the truth of why I was doing what I was doing, the selfishness of it. It's very hard to raise your consciousness when you're focused on getting more of the pie yourself. We need to pick the ego to pieces, to remove Maya. 

 

Edited March 11, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[flowboy]

On 3/8/2019 at 3:58 PM, JohnnyBravo said:

You cannot make a connection on Tinder.

Therefore, dont bother cracking the code on what to text. This is a petty problem in the big scheme.

Yes I'm being harsh but I helped produce a documentary on the dangers of social media and can confirm its the last place youll find Love.

False. I have known many successful couples who are still together, who found each other on Tinder. Now that the stigma is lifted, many couples admit they met via Tinder.

It doesn't matter how you meet.

[Wisebaxter]

1 minute ago, flowboy said:

False. I have known many successful couples who are still together, who found each other on Tinder. Now that the stigma is lifted, many couples admit they met via Tinder.

It doesn't matter how you meet.

I too can attest to the power of using social media to find love. I met my girlfriend on Bumble. 

[flowboy]

On 3/3/2019 at 2:32 PM, luqqzr said:

Creativity is awful on my side (probably because I grew up getting everything that I wanted from my parents), so yeah maybe you can help me here.

Creativity is not something you do. You let go and then it happens. How do you let go? Practise it. I recommend improv classes.

You need to get yourself to a stage where you don't give a fuck anymore whether what you say will offend her, and you are just saying shit to entertain yourself. That's where the magic will happen.

[JohnnyBravo]

Couples have met online. Yes fact.

Online dating yet has something.......not good about it.

[Wisebaxter]

@JohnnyBravo Could it be that because you've devoted yourself so strongly to this viewpoint, making a documentary etc, that you're now more inclined to defend it, despite there being contrary evidence out there? After all, it's just a way for people to start chatting. They still have to go through the same process they would do if they met anywhere, dating etc. Have you had some bad experiences yourself that have shaped this opinion? 

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, JohnnyBravo said:

Online dating yet has something.......not good about it.

Since you don't seem willing to explain this with arguments, which is fine, let's just agree to disagree then I guess.

[luqqzr]

Thank you all for your replies! I think the best way to go is just say what you really desire.. it has almost worked for me now, I met a girl at a concert, talked to her a bit and asked her for her number. The next day I told her that she's looking good and I'd like to have sex with her.

She actually agreed, unfortunately she started dating someone else who she has known in real life and that's why she can't have sex with me now. Furthermore she's going to move to another city too far away from me in about two weeks so yeah it's over with her.

But I'm not too mad as I saw that this approach made it almost possible and now I know how to interact with women, at least I am going to try it more now.