Texting and interacting with women

[JohnnyBravo]

@Wisebaxter

Yes I definitly have my agenda to get my own ideas confirmed. Absolutly im biased.

The documentary i helped was actually on Social media. Core idea is social media is dangerous.

Online dating I find it messes with the courtship process somehow. It cheapens the magic of meeting someone. It also reduces people to objects very quick (at least this is a mindset that is easy to go into).

Yes im glad its helped people meet. Nothing bad with that, good for them and all their fortune.

For a single guy or girl, i would beckon them to avoid online dating at costs for their mental health.

Sorry i cant give reasons. Its just an intuitive and experienced based opinion of mine. I find it unnatural and an opiate or poison with a slow drip effect.

Imagine a person who has been on a variety of platforms, swiped/messaged 1000s of people, been ignored or ghosted 100s of times, paid money for premium memberships, been on dates that were not fun, or been on a good date but never heard back from their other because dating online has this dynamic sometimes. Online scammers robots, fake identities, underage people....If a person has been 3 years of doing this, try and convince them their self esteem doesnt get crippled somehow.

3 years, no online dating, big deal. Its just 3 years single.

Time and money and effort involved is better spent going to bars, meetup groups, social events for a solid 6 months. Plus its so much more fun. There is a richness of life to enjoy doing this.

Online dating, where is the magic? Where is the richness? Where is the chemistry?

People are reduced to calculating the other. 

Dont be put off by online dating because of me. This is my opinion. I have watched friends get very blue due to online dating. they get resentful at women.

[flowboy]

@JohnnyBravo Totally agree that if it isn't your thing, don't do it.

Also I do feel you, or have felt the same for a long time. Meeting in real life yes, all the dating apps and wasted time texting people, it creeped me out and I didn't want to accept it or start taking it seriously. Also you don't feel any vibe off a person over text, so trying to get to know someone like that is a waste of time.

My current view is that it's just another way for people to meet. I try to not text endlessly but meet up quickly. And from that point you can feel the vibe and try to connect, and from that moment it doesn't matter anymore how you met, isn't it?

[flowboy]

17 hours ago, luqqzr said:

Thank you all for your replies! I think the best way to go is just say what you really desire.. it has almost worked for me now, I met a girl at a concert, talked to her a bit and asked her for her number. The next day I told her that she's looking good and I'd like to have sex with her.

@luqqzrThis is good! Now try doing that without caring so much whether it will work. This is the next step, necessary so you can express yourself more freely.
I'm pretty new to this shit too. What I found so far is that what works is that you're saying stuff to entertain yourself instead of her. Get out of that pleasing frame.

You can only get a woman if you're willing to lose her

Edited March 12, 2019 by flowboy

[SgtPepper]

talk about something off their bio?

I would use humor.

You can also talk about yourself. Like for example: "I am in the market for a new guitar, but I'm stuck between these two guitars, what do you think? and you send them links" roughly speaking... a lot of this stuff you get better at overtime.

creativity is easy and anyone can do it. It's as easy as creating a character with pencil and paper. 

[luqqzr]

I actually just met a girl over tinder. She was not my type at all for her looks and character, she is very negative minded and a daily drug consumer.

But I still used this situation to my advantage. I was able to kiss and touch her easily so yeah... I fingered her, got three blowjobs and that was it. I did not want to have sex with her, but still it was my first one night stand really.

I stayed over night because normally I love cuddling but with her it was just bad, it felt very wrong.

But I am very happy that I did this because I have made the experience for myself and now I know what I want, I don't want to have meaningless one night stands. This lower consciousness pleasure does not fulfill me at all.

Many people say "you are young, just have sex with many girls and live your life". I'm grateful for knowing that "living my life" is different than that, I don't need to have sex with random women.

I think this was a bit egoistic but it seemed necessary for me to boost my self confidence and get to know myself better.

At least I won't ghost her, I will write her what I really feel and hope it's not too sad for her. Hopefully she can solve her problems and find a guy that really loves her. I'm going to recommend her Leo's videos and Eckhart Tolle (who really helped me too), hope she's going to use my advice.

At the moment I want to focus more on myself, finding my life purpose.

On meeting women from now on: I'm stopping to actively search for a woman and I'll be putting my energy into myself.

But if I meet someone that fits me, I am going to be open for her coming into my life.

I want it to be a high consciousness connection/love, nothing else.

By the way what do you think of this "egoistic" stuff that I did? For me it felt right to do this because I needed this heavily. Now I think I won't be having so many problems with women anymore and as I said it helped me getting more confident in life.

Thank you guys for helping me, I couldn't have done it without you!

Edited March 15, 2019 by luqqzr

[JohnnyBravo]

The only purpose of attaining such ambitions, is to open the door enough to (maybe) see that they are non-fullfilling; they are a myth to happiness and not the path.

Culture has said it is the path. It is not. Example like doing a Robert Kiyosaki workshop, and making money, to realise at the end how silly it was and how much effort it was for a futile achievement.

You are blessed. You are intelligent for knowing this early on; took me years to 'see' this especially with sex.

You have passed. You have done nothing wrong.

Onto the next stage. And if you feel you want to hang around this stage for a few months or years to really solidify these quick pleasures dont really work, dont be upset with yourself.

Go to the next stage when you are really ready. Do not advance with a naive belief or faith in authority elsewhere.

But sounds like youre ready to go. Well done

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, luqqzr said:

By the way what do you think of this "egoistic" stuff that I did? For me it felt right to do this because I needed this heavily. Now I think I won't be having so many problems with women anymore and as I said it helped me getting more confident in life.

@luqqzr You are still in the frame of mind that this was more to your advantage than hers. Because of outdated social conditioning that says that women don't enjoy spontaneous sex. Drop this guilt.

Face it. You didn't only use her. She used you. You used each other. Women want sex just as badly.

So this is perfectly fine. Congratulations, actually!

Now I recommend doing the same with an interesting girl you have a genuine connection with.

Respect yourself and only choose women that you like.

And don't fall into the trap of thinking that when there is a real connection, the sex has to wait. This is nonsense.

[JohnnyBravo]

@flowboy

Yes!

It took me a while to grasp women desire sex as much as men do.

I actually learned this not to my advantage- but to my sad discovery.

This was after my pickup days weirdly enough....

I would date women, and want to spend time with them non sexually. After all, is that not what a 'real woman' is like?....these women would actually get very angry with me, passive aggressive and forceful, because (in their words and no I am not making this up), "when are you going to fuck me?"

After this happened, again and again and again and again and again and again and again......I realised to my sad tragedy that this was the norm.

It upset me. I projected women were more enlightened than men in this arena or had a more sophisticated understanding with sex. Nope.

Not saying all women are like this. But I am saying and agreeing, generally speaking, this willingness for sex is more massive than I thought.

It became a turn off to me when I dated this women that they got angry I didnt have sex with them. And this was only after 2 or 3 dates, sometimes even the first one.

I hated that pressure! The insistency!

I totally vibe that its not just a guy that uses a woman for sex, the woman uses the guy for it as well. Its a mutual pleasure fest for each other.

A sincere question: when or how did you come to this conclusion as well?

[flowboy]

3 hours ago, JohnnyBravo said:

I hated that pressure! The insistency!

I get that. I get turned off by pressure too. Which is why I didn't want to try out online dating for a long time, because of the pressure to say something interesting.

3 hours ago, JohnnyBravo said:

I projected women were more enlightened than men in this arena or had a more sophisticated understanding with sex.

Now this, I can not relate to. You seem to be of the opinion that there is something 'unenlightened' about sex. Like it is sinful. I'm curious where that value comes from? Is it truly your own? Often we unconsciously inherit shame and judgment about sex from our parents, without ever realising it, is why I'm asking.

I'm very different in that regard, I practice tantra and value sexual connection as contributing to enlightenment. Good non-goal oriented sex can be very meditative. David Deida recommends this and I like his teachings.

3 hours ago, JohnnyBravo said:

A sincere question: when or how did you come to this conclusion as well?

@JohnnyBravo Well I learned about this when I got into the pickup stuff by RSD, but that's just the idea. The 'aha' moment where I had a direct experience of it, was a few days ago. A girl I met on Tinder took initiative, without much chatting asked to meet up and came directly to my house. It was clear that although she liked me, she didn't need a lot of small talk then and was good to go. We had amazing deep conversations afterwards though. And after that night she basically texts me "what are you doing tonight", I text her a time to come over, and afterwards she's not cuddly but is more like 'thanks, bro, now I can sleep '.

And to hammer it in another woman also spontaneously started sharing how sex was an important activity to her and asking me what I liked. Very free and unashamed.

These experiences changed how I feel towards women in general: before I felt like still a bit of a taker, a man who has his charming moments where he can 'get' girls to have sex with him. Now, I feel more like it's truly equal, win-win, and me and women are 'friends'. Buddies, who want the same thing. I feel more connected to the opposite sex. Like a barrier has been broken down.

Edited March 15, 2019 by flowboy