need advice

[Viking]

im not sure whether to do spirituality right now or later.

im very young, 20 years old, inexperienced and naive. im not sure i can handle spirituality right now. i think i need to build up my emotional intelligence and grow up a bit first.

what leads me to thinking that is the following:

1. I did a vipassana retreat and it was too overwhelming. tons of fear and anxiety.
2. I did LSD-25 and i was very deluded the next few weeks as a result. i believe too automatically in my thoughts.
3. When i dont ejaculate for more than 2 weeks im starting to experience transformations of consciousness and energetic movements which are too much for me.
4. kriya yoga and various meditations are way too much for me, im on the edge of having panic attacks (i always manage to control them, so they dont manifest)

basically, if i dive into spirituality right now ill get deluded, detached, depressed and go insane.

also for now my philosophy is not solid, i dont think spirituality is necessarily better than connection to people, attachment and meaning. maybe its a combination, i dont know, i didnt experience enough of the world to know.

what i do now is work on my relationships and career, with some wim hof and casual concentration meditations.

am i bulshitting myself here? avoiding something? will i go crazy if i go into spirituality? i know people have gone insane and deluded from this. i've met a lot of people who are very deluded because the did spirituality prematurely. in order to study the kaballah you need to be 40 years old first.

[Nahm]

Are you responsible for your eating choices and thinking? 

 

[Salvijus]

10 minutes ago, Viking said:

im not sure i can handle spirituality right now. i think i need to build up my emotional intelligence and grow up a bit first.

 

So basicly you need mental balance isnt?

Emotional maturity, stability, mental balance, balance on all levels, including energy balance.

I think that is very smart. Like sadhguru says before you build a skyscaper make sure you have a solid foundation. Even if the most wonderful thing happens to you, if you're not ready for it it will be a disaster. 

So the question now arises what are you going to do to bring balance into your life? Into your body mind emotion and energy??? I could tell you the answer but you already know what I am leading you towards

10 minutes ago, Viking said:

 

1. kriya yoga and various meditations are way too much for me, im on the edge of having panic attacks (i always manage to control them, so they dont manifest)

Did you experience negative side effects from Isha kriya?

Edited March 1, 2019 by Salvijus

[Viking]

4 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Are you responsible for your eating choices and thinking? 

i am very conscious of what i eat. sometimes addiction gets the best of me but generally im good.

i am also conscious of what i think, i usually notice negative thoughts immediately. i also started to notice which thoughts make me depressed and im trying to turn them around as you taught me. though i dont always manage to.

@Salvijus haha yeah i know where you're leading me  good summation of what i need, i agree that the balance foundation is what i seek. ill head to india for inner engineering as soon as im able to. for now i dont know how to balance myself. journaling and acceptance helps, but i already plan to read books about it after i finish books about big picture stuff like happiness.

[moon777light]

do you live in a city?, in a high multi story building? I think grounding would be something to look into. You seem very "Vata" type in ayurveda. 

[Forestluv]

@Viking Does it need to be “all or nothing”?

What about dedicating 5 hours a week to spirituality? Yoga, meditation, contemplation etc. It’s very healthy and improves performance in other areas of life.

[Viking]

3 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Viking Does it need to be “all or nothing”?

What about dedicating 5 hours a week to spirituality? Yoga, meditation, contemplation etc. It’s very healthy and improves performance in other areas of life.

i am meditating, journaling, doing wim hof/shamanic breathing and stuff. i just dont read spirituality, I masturbate, and dont do over the top spirituality like psychedelics and intensive meditation retreats.

Edited March 1, 2019 by Viking

[Forestluv]

@Viking Why not do spirituality in moderation? Spiritual activities for in moderation are generally very healthy for the mind-body. 

It’s like saying you don’t want to train for a 100 mile ultra marathon race because it would negatively impact your life. There are other options.  

[Viking]

3 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Viking Why not do spirituality in moderation? Spiritual activities for n moderation are generally very healthy for the mind-body. 

lol i just said that i do spirituality in moderation

24 minutes ago, moon777light said:

do you live in a city?, in a high multi story building? I think grounding would be something to look into. You seem very "Vata" type in ayurveda. 

yeah i just did 2 tests and apparently in both of them im vata. i dont live in a super high building. what would you consider grounding?

@Nahm i dont know. usually i doubt myself though.

Edited March 1, 2019 by Viking

[Nahm]

@Nahm Are you responsible for your beliefs?

[cetus]

@Viking Do whatever feels right for you at this time. 

[Forestluv]

6 minutes ago, Viking said:

lol i just said that i do spirituality in moderation

It doesn’t seem like moderation for you. It seems like you are in an “all or nothing” mentality. Moderation lies within those extremes.

[Viking]

11 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

It doesn’t seem like moderation for you. It seems like you are in an “all or nothing” mentality. Moderation lies within those extremes.

 

36 minutes ago, Viking said:

i am meditating, journaling, doing wim hof/shamanic breathing and stuff. i just dont read spirituality, I masturbate, and dont do over the top spirituality like psychedelics and intensive meditation retreats.

i think that's moderation, but in order to really advance one needs to do more than moderation i think

[moon777light]

22 minutes ago, Viking said:

what would you consider grounding?

most people in modern world have zero contact with the actual earth. Its proven that people sleep and feel better, after they walked barefoot on soil or grass for 30 minutes.  Theres a good documentary called "The grounded" that goes into more detail. People who are Vata have "air" element dominant and can sometimes feel as if they are too much in the clouds (thoughts-wise). Grounding helps ALOT. if you have a park around you or a forest, try barefoot walking, it helps with being less reactive to intense emotions too

Just in general reconnect with your innate cycle with the Earth, like getting up at sunrise and watching the actual sun rise, spending as much time as you can outside (even if its cloudy it was shown to induce deeper sleep). All of this naturally relaxes you and makes your whole system function better. 

i think your trying too many things at once. try just focusing on one intense practice (like what your doing with concentration meditation). then after a few months of doing that, add another practice in. Rushing everything can lead to more back-steps then forward-steps

[Salvijus]

59 minutes ago, Viking said:

ill head to india for as soon as im able to. 

I don't know if you're are aware of it but there're IE programs and all the hatha Yoga programs which are extremly grounding and balancing all over Europe. Basicly in every country in Europe. 

Just thought I will mention this incase you didn't know.

Edited March 1, 2019 by Salvijus

[Viking]

2 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

I don't know if you're are aware of it but there're IE programs and all the hatha Yoga programs which are extremly grounding and balancing all over Europe. Basicly in every country in Europe. 

Just thought I will mention this incase you didn't know.

yeah, i there was one in my country a few months ago but it was insanely expensive. currently there are no signs of the course happening again in my country anytime soon.

but if i visit europe maybe ill try to find a country which does annual courses.

[Truth Addict]

@Viking

You think you have a choice, but you don't.

Contemplate this, and see what happens.

[mandyjw]

I think you are very wise and on the right path. It seems like most people aren't really able to dive into this stuff until their late 20's or 30's. I don't think there's anything wrong with that because when you are young you need to focus on the world of form to ground yourself. Have faith in your own unique journey, don't try to do what other people think is the key for them if it isn't for you. Your own guidance and intuition are worth more than you know. If it doesn't feel good or right or light you up it's not getting you to enlightenment because enlightenment is feeling good, right and lit up right now. 

[JohnnyBravo]

@Viking

 

Youre doing a great job with everything youre doing.

Well done for trying out the things that didnt work for you; there is nothing defective about you, those tools are just not for you right now.

Slow and steady wins the race. If you're consistent in the Wim Hof breathing, to me, this is sufficient to warrant celebration! Just keep it up for another year, and then when you feel inspired you can browse for something to add into your toolkit.

Test things out, be quick to drop things that just dont work or gel with you.....Trust yourself

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Viking said:

 

i think that's moderation, but in order to really advance one needs to do more than moderation i think

Spiritual practices are are sooo healthy for a mind-body. My spiritual practices are continuously evolving. Something resonates with me and I flow with it. Then it stops resonating and something new enters and starts to resonate.

I would recommend finding a practice that resonates with you and to immerse yourself into the actual process that is happening now. And perhaps take the focus off of future results.